Friends Season 11
by Cybermals
Summary: This is my take on Season 11.  Please R&R, updates on Thursdays.
1. The One With The Next Morning

_**Previously on Friends**_:

_Scene opens in Ross's apartment. Ross and Rachel are standing by the door, gazing at one another._

Rachel: It's you and me, all right? This is it.

Ross: This is it. Unless we're on a break...

_Rachel glares at him._

Ross (to himself): Don't make jokes now...

_Rachel smiles, as they lean in and kiss each other. Scene fades to Ross's bedroom. "The Next Morning" appears on the bottom of the screen. Ross sits up, obviously just waking up. He looks over and smiles at Rachel, who is lying next to him, waking up._

Ross: Hey.

_Rachel smiles and kisses him._

Rachel: Hey, you. I can't believe I'm waking up next to you again. It feels like a dream.

Ross: I know. I've missed having you here, too.

_Ross kisses her again._

Rachel: I should probably get up, I have to get Emma from my mom's.

Ross: Yeah, and I have a class this afternoon.

_A pause._

Ross: You know, I could get someone to cover for me.

Rachel: And I'm sure Emma won't mind staying with her grandma another day.

_Ross leans over and starts kissing Rachel passionately. Suddenly, a loud knocking on the front door is heard, followed by a yell._

Monica: ROSS GELLER, OPEN THIS DOOR! YOU HAVE SOME EXPLAINING TO DO!

_Ross and Rachel share a look. Theme song and title sequence plays._

_**So no one told you life was going to be this way.**____**  
**__**Your job's a joke, you're broke, you're love life's DOA.**____**  
**__**It's like you're always stuck in second gear,**____**  
**__**Well, it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year.**____****_

_**But, I'll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour.**____**  
**__**I'll be there for you, like I've been there before.**____**  
**__**I'll be there for you, cause you're there for me too.**_

_Scene opens in Ross's living room. Monica is standing by the door, in her jacket. Ross is standing by the bedroom door in a bathrobe._

Ross: Uh, Mon...before you go flipping out, at least let me explain.

Monica: Shut up, and move aside! I have a head of steam built up, and someone's about to go down!

Ross: Rachel, run! Angry Monica incoming!

_Ross moves to the living room as Monica stomps past him. Rachel runs out a few seconds later wrapped in a sheet, as Monica comes running out after her. Monica chases her around the couch, but fails to catch up._

Monica: Hold still, so I can hit you!

_Monica continues to chase Rachel, until Ross finally grabs her._

Ross: Monica, stop! What is the big deal?

Monica: The "big deal", Ross, is that she's supposed to be in Paris, and you're supposed to be hurting!

Ross: Do I look like I'm hurting?  
_Monica stomps on his foot. Ross lets go of her, and falls onto the couch, grimacing in pain._

Monica: Yes.

_Monica resumes chasing Rachel, attempting to beat her with a pillow from the couch. Ross gets up and grabs his sister again._

Ross: Mon, stop it! She's here because she loves me!

Monica: What? (to Rachel) Really?

_Rachel nods happily. Monica squeals, and runs over to give Rachel a hug._

Monica: Oh, this is great! So does this mean you two are back together?

Rachel: Yes. We're in love, Monica!

Monica: Oh my god! Wait until the others find out!

_Monica starts running for the front door, until Rachel stops her._

Rachel: No, you can't tell the others yet! I wanna surprise them.

Monica: Uh...that might not be possible.

Ross: Why?

Monica: Well, because...

_Monica is interrupted by a frantic banging on Ross's front door._

Monica: ...weallsawyoulastnight.

Phoebe: OPEN UP, I HAVE A RACHEL TO HURT!

Ross (to Rachel): Hide.

_Rachel runs back to Ross's bedroom, and slams the door. Scene ends, and opens in Monica and Chandler's old apartment. Joey and Chandler are standing in the almost empty apartment. Packed boxes are in random places. Joey is standing by the window._

Joey: Well, it looks like Ross managed to calm Phoebe down.

Chandler: Is there a big, gaping crater where his apartment used to be?

Joey: No, why?

Chandler: Then that means Rachel's probably still alive.

Joey: Wouldn't it be wild if they got back together?

Chandler (sarcastically): Yes, I'm sure they fooled us into thinking they were making out last night so that when they turned out the lights, they could escape and laugh at us.

_Joey opens his mouth to retort, but Chandler's cell phone starts ringing to the tune of Today Was A Fairytale. Joey just stares, as Chandler answers._

Chandler: Hello?

_Scene cuts to Monica in Ross's living room with a fuming Phoebe and Ross standing by the bedroom door._

Monica (on the phone): Hi, honey? How's it going over there?

_Scene cuts back to Monica and Chandler's apartment._

Chandler (on the phone): Oh, it's going pretty good. We're getting the boxes ready for the movers, the twins are asleep, and we're just waiting for you guys to come back over.

_Scene cuts to Ross's apartment._

Monica (on the phone): Okay. We'll be over as soon as I can drag Phoebe out of here. Though it might take Rachel a little bit, she was only wearing a sheet when I last saw her.

_Scene cuts to Monica and Chandler's apartment._

Chandler (on the phone): You want me to send Joey over there?

_Scene cuts to Ross's apartment._

Monica (on the phone): No, you better not. You two can get the boxes ready faster than any of us. I should have Phoebe out of here soon.

Chandler (over the phone): Okay. Love you, see you in a bit.

Monica (on the phone): Love you, too. Bye.

_Scene cuts to Monica and Chandler's apartment._

Chandler (on the phone): Bye.

_Chandler hangs up, and looks up to see Joey giving him a weird look._

Chandler: What?

Joey: Taylor Swift?

Chandler: It was Monica's choice. I didn't really get a say in which ringtone she has.

_Joey grins, and helps Chandler start stacking boxes. Scene cuts to Ross's bedroom. Ross and Rachel are standing inside. Rachel is looking under the bed and in the closet._

Rachel: Honey, where did I leave my bags at?

Ross: I think you left them out in the living room.

_Rachel looks at the door with a panicked look on her face._

Rachel: Out...out there?

Ross: Yeah, why?

_Ross looks over and sees the panicked look on Rachel's face._

Ross: Oh come on, Rach, I highly doubt Phoebe's going to hurt you.

Rachel (squeaky voice): Uh huh.

_Ross walks over and hugs Rachel to him._

Ross: If you want, I'll go get them for you.

Rachel: No, I'll go. Just...just let me borrow your robe. I feel weird walking around in a sheet.

_Scene cuts to Ross's living room. Phoebe is sitting on the couch, watching TV. Monica is in the kitchen, getting a drink. Rachel opens the bedroom door, and starts easing out. Phoebe looks up from the TV, and sees Rachel._

Phoebe: You freeze, missy!

_Rachel runs over and grabs her bags as Phoebe proceeds to chase her around the living room, beating her with a pillow from the couch._

Rachel: Ow! Phoebe, stop it!

Phoebe: Not until you say you're sorry for what you did to Ross!

_Rachel continues to run away from Phoebe, who's cell phone starts ringing. Without missing a swing, she answers._

Phoebe: Hello? Oh, hi honey! Nothing much, just beating on Rachel with a pillow for what she did to Ross. Are you going to be over soon to help the others get the boxes ready for the movers?

_A pause._

Phoebe: A what? Honey, that's WONDERFUL! No, you go to that, and I'll see you tonight. I love you, too. Bye.

_Phoebe hangs up, and quits hitting Rachel with the pillow. Monica is standing in the doorway, a look of total disbelief on her face._

Phoebe: Well, I feel better, don't you?

_Scene ends and opens in Monica and Chandler's apartment. The movers are hauling out the last of the furniture, as the gang stands around the apartment. Two movers are hauling away a chest. Monica steps near with Erica in her arms._

Monica: Please be careful with that, it was my grandmother's. Be careful...thank you.

_Two more movers walk past with the ceramic greyhound on their pallet._

Monica: Uh, if THAT falls off the truck, it wouldn't be the WORST thing.

_Monica slips the mover a $20 bill from her jacket pocket._

_Ross looks around._

Ross: Wow.

Rachel: I know. It seems...smaller somehow.

Joey: Has it always been...PURPLE?

_Chandler grins as he walks over to Monica with Jack in his arms. He looks down at the twins._

Chandler: Look around, you guys. This was your first home. And it was a happy place. Full of love, and laughter...but most importantly, because of rent control, it was a friggen steal!

_Monica grins, and they walk over to the stroller to put the twins down. Phoebe stands up and walks to the center of the room._

Phoebe: Hey, do you realize that at one time or another, we all lived in this apartment?

_Murmurs of "Oh, yeah!" and "That's true." fill the room._

Ross: Uh...I haven't.

Monica: Wait, what about that summer you lived with Grandma and you tried to make it as a dancer?

_Everyone turns to look at Ross._

Ross: You realize we almost made it ten YEARS without that coming up?

_Monica turns to Chandler._

Monica: Oh honey, I almost forgot. I promised Treeger we'd leave our keys.

Chandler: Oh, okay.

**(A/N I know I was following the series finale there. I don't wanna be stepping on NBC's toes, here.)**

_They turn to take their keys to the apartment off their key chains._

Phoebe: Wait a minute! Ross, you said you never lived here, right?

Ross: Yeah.

Phoebe: Well, you should rent this apartment!

Ross: Phoebe, I have an apartment. It's right across the street, remember?

Phoebe: Yeah, but this has been our hangout spot for ten years. And more than that, it's been home for us all for that long. Besides, you and Rachel can move here!

Ross: I don't know...

Rachel: Ross, I really want to live here again, but I can't afford it on my own.

_Rachel gives him a sad, puppy dog look._

Rachel: Please?

_Rachel sticks her bottom lip out in a pout. Ross groans._

Ross: Okay, that's just not fair. You know I can't say no to anything when you do that!

_Ross turns to Monica._

Ross: Is Treeger downstairs right now?

Monica: I think so. Why?

Ross: Because I'm gonna go talk to him right now about getting this apartment before anyone else does!

_Ross runs out the door, slamming it behind him._

Phoebe: He's been doing that a lot lately. I don't know why.

_Scene ends and opens in Treeger's apartment. Treeger is sitting in his chair, watching a game on TV with a beer and a bowl of chips. Ross knocks on his door. Treeger gets up, walks over, and opens the door._

Treeger: Geller. Nice to see you. Come in.

_Ross walks in, shutting the door behind him. Treeger walks to the kitchen._

Treeger: Beer?

Ross: No, thanks. Uh, did I catch you at a bad time?

Treeger: Nah. Game's on, Knicks are winning.

_Treeger sits down in his chair._

Treeger: So what's on your mind, Geller?

Ross: Well, I was wondering...that is, if it's not too soon...if I could...

_Treeger suddenly screams at the TV._

Treeger: Oh, come on! He was FOULED!

_He turns back to Ross._

Treeger: So what was it you wanted, Geller?

Ross: I wanted to ask you if I could rent my sister's old apartment.

Treeger: Thought you had your own place.

Ross: I do, but Rachel wants to go back to that apartment, and she can't afford to live there by herself.

Treeger: Oh, you and Greene are back together? Well, I don't see why not. Come see me tomorrow, we'll get started on the paperwork.

Ross: Thanks, Treeger! You're the best.

Treeger: Yeah, sure. No problem. Hey, are you sure you don't wanna stay for a bit? Watch some of the game?

Ross: Well, Monica is still harassing the movers, but...

_Ross sees the look on Treeger's face._

Ross: Sure, I'll stay for a bit.

_Treeger throws Ross a beer, who takes a seat on the couch. Scene ends, and opens in the apartment. Ross stumbles in, drunk. Monica and Rachel glare at him._

Monica: Where have you been? The movers came and took the last of the stuff down over two hours ago.

Ross: With Treeger. He wanted to celebrate the Knicks winning their game.

_Rachel peers closer at him._

Rachel: Are you DRUNK?

Ross: A little.

_Monica and Rachel start beating on him, as Phoebe, Chandler, and Joey enter. Phoebe starts beating on Ross along with Monica and Rachel._

Ross: Ow! OW! Cut it out, will you?

Monica: No! You came back from a two hour talk with Treeger drunk!

Ross: Yeah, and there was a reason for it!

Monica: There is no good reason for coming in drunk! What if you had been driving?

**(A/N You all heard that, right? Drinking and driving is BAD. This Public Service Announcement has been brought to you by Friends. Now, back to the show. :P)**

Ross: If you stop beating on me, I'd tell you!

_The girls back off. Ross takes a moment to compose himself, and fix his shirt._

Ross: I was drinking with Treeger because I'm trying to make a good impression with my new landlord.

Monica: What?

Ross: We got the apartment.

_Rachel gasps._

Rachel: Really?

_Ross grins and nods._

Ross: I'm gonna meet with him tomorrow to get the paperwork filled out. No one has to leave their keys.

_Rachel squeals, and hugs Ross tightly._

Joey: Wait, does this mean we're gonna be neighbors?

Ross: Yes.

_Joey joins in the hug. After a few seconds, the whole gang joins in for a group hug. Credits appear on the screen._

**CREDITS SCENE:**

_Phoebe and Joey are sitting in Central Perk, on the couch._

Joey: Wow, this has been a wild day. Monica and Chandler moved to their new house, Ross and Rachel are back together and in the old apartment...

Phoebe: Yeah, and Mike has a 3-day gig in Philadelphia. This has been, like, the best day EVER.

_Joey starts to smile, then suddenly gets a shocked look on his face._

Phoebe: What?

Joey: I just realized that 3rd Rock from the Sun means Earth!

**END OF SHOW**

**(A/N Thank you all, for taking the time to read this. Reviews would be greatly appreciated. And I also must ask of my readers: I have plot ideas for a few episodes, but nowhere near enough for an entire season. If there is a plot idea you'd like to see written, post your idea in your review. I'll pick the best ones, and use it for an episode. And if yours gets picked, I WILL give credit to you in the beginning. So what do you say? Want to take the challenge?)**


	2. The One With The Move

_Scene opens in Central Perk. Ross and Rachel are sitting on the couch. Phoebe is sitting in the armchair._

Phoebe: So are you going to go talk to Treeger today?

Ross: Yeah, as soon as he's done fixing Joey's sink again. Apparently, he tried to get rid of some of Chick and Duck Jr's food down the pipe.

Phoebe: Isn't that stuff water-soluble?

Ross: That is. But the gravel he used to weigh down the food wasn't. Treeger said to give him about an hour with that.

_Rachel looks at her watch._

Rachel: Oh, look at the time! Honey, I'm gonna go get Emma from mom's, and start packing up the apartment for the movers. Call me as soon as you have the papers signed.

Ross: All right. I'll see you at home.

_Rachel leans down, and kisses Ross._

Rachel: Love you.

Ross: Love you, too.

_Rachel walks out. _

Phoebe: Oh, I'm so happy for the two of you! It's about time you guys got back together.

Ross: Yeah, I know. Sometimes, I can't believe I'm with her again. It's like, "Why did we wait so long?".

Phoebe: Because you were both being stupid.

_Ross glares._

Phoebe: But look at you two now! Moving in together, raising your daughter...my lobsters are growing up! Oh, I feel like I should sing a song!

_Ross smiles at Phoebe, turns to the coffee table, picks up a cup, and takes a sip. He makes a face, and spits the contents the contents back into the cup._

Ross: UGH! That is the WORST coffee I have ever tasted!

Phoebe: Uh, Ross...that's been there since we got here.

_Ross looks at her, then starts rubbing his tongue with his hand. Theme song and title sequence play. _

_**So no one told you life was going to be this way.**____**  
**__**Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's DOA.**____**  
**__**It's like you're always stuck in second gear,**____**  
**__**Well, it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year.**____****_

_**But, I'll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour.**____**  
**__**I'll be there for you, like I've been there before.**____**  
**__**I'll be there for you, cause you're there for me too.**_

_Scene opens in Treeger's apartment. Ross is standing by the door, while Treeger is looking through the papers on his desk for the rental application. Water is pooling under his feet from his wet uniform._

Treeger: Boy, I'm telling you, there are times when I think Tribbiani doesn't have the brains God gave a goose. Who in their right mind would pour gravel down a pipe to chase duck food down after it? Sometimes, I wish Bing was still living there. Well, at least you'll be there to look after him, Geller.

_Treeger claps Ross on the shoulder._

Ross: When I'm not at work, I will be. But I think Joey meant well, Treeger. He just wasn't thinking, is all.

Treeger: Yeah, I know what you mean. Hey, you want a beer?

_He opens the refrigerator and takes two beers out, offering one to Ross._

Ross: I'd better not. Rachel was really upset from the last time. Thanks, though.

_Treeger puts one of the beers away and sits down at the desk, cracking open the other one. He puts the form in front of Ross._

Treeger: Okay, Geller, there you are. Rent, utilities, the paperwork, you know the routine. All it needs is your John Hancock, and you're all set.

_Ross reads over the form to make sure there are no hidden surprises. Satisfied, he signs on the bottom line, then hands the form back to Treeger._

Treeger: All right, you're all set. I imagine you still have keys to the place, so I won't bother giving you the ones I'm supposed to. Just let me know if you have any problems, or if your sister broke anything. Although, between you and me, I'd rather fix it myself, than hold her accountable.

Ross: Yeah, I know what you mean.

_Scene ends and opens on Ross's old apartment. Rachel is in the living room, sitting on the couch with Emma. The TV is playing Sesame Street. Rachel looks at her daughter._

Rachel: Did you have fun with Grandma, sweetie?

_Emma nods with a smile on her face. Rachel's cell phone starts ringing._

Rachel (on the phone): Hello?

_Scene cuts to Ross, who is crossing the street._

Ross (on the phone): We're all set! Paperwork's signed, we can start moving things over any time.

_Scene cuts to Rachel._

Rachel (on the phone): Really? That's great!

_Scene cuts to Ross._

Ross (on the phone): Yeah, we can start getting those boxes you packed moved over today, if we want.

_Scene cuts to Rachel, who has a panicked look on her face._

Rachel (on the phone): The boxes? ___OH_, right! The boxes! Yeah, about that...

_Scene cuts to Ross, who stops walking._

Ross (on the phone): Rachel, you didn't forget to pack the boxes, did you?

_Scene cuts to Rachel, who is looking around the unpacked apartment._

Rachel (on the phone): No, I didn't forget to pack them! I just...you know, forgot to GET them.

_Scene ends and opens in Monica and Chandler's house. Boxes are all over the place, some opened, some unopened. The twins lie in their bassinette, near the couch where Chandler and Monica are sitting._

Chandler: I don't think I have any energy left to move.

Monica: Me either. I'm thinking I may leave this mess out for a few days.

_Chandler looks over at her, eyes widened._

Monica: What?

Chandler: Who are you and what have you done with my wife?

_Monica gives him a "very funny" look. _

Monica: What are we gonna do with all of these boxes when we're finished?

Chandler: Well, I was thinking we could give them to Ross and Rachel. Let them worry about how to get rid of these boxes.

Monica: Chandler! That's mean.

_A pause._

Monica: We need to start unloading right now, then.

Chandler: On it.

_Chandler gets up and holds out a hand to help her up, just as one of the twins starts crying. Monica groans._

Monica: Whose turn is it?

Chandler: I don't know. But if you wanna start unloading boxes, I'll take care of the kids.

Monica: Why do I have to unload the boxes?

Chandler: Because you're a better organizer than me. Besides, do you wanna be following me, putting things away exactly as you want them, or do you wanna do it right the first time?

_Monica glowers at him. Chandler moves off to look after the twins._

Monica: Oh, you are SO dead when I finish organizing this house, mister.

_Monica gets up off the couch, and walks over to the boxes. Scene ends and opens in Joey's apartment. Joey is sitting in the recliner, watching Die Hard. Phoebe opens the door, and walks in._

Phoebe: Hey.

_Joey continues to stare at the TV._

Joey: Hey.

Phoebe: What're you watching?

Joey: Die Hard.

Phoebe: Isn't this, like, the millionth time you watched it?

Joey: Yeah, but Rachel is at Ross's place, Monica and Chandler are gone, and I thought you were out with Mike. So I put on a movie.

_Phoebe walks over to the couch and sits down._

Phoebe: Yeah, but this is the only movie you watch.

Joey: That's not true! I watch lots of movies.

Phoebe: Name one. Besides Die Hard.

_A long pause._

Joey: Uh...oh! How about those mushy romance movies Rachel made me watch with her?

Phoebe: Did you enjoy them?

Joey: No.

Phoebe: Then those don't count.

_Duck Jr. waddles past, followed by Chick Jr._

Phoebe: Awww, how are the birds doing?

Joey: They're doing good. Ever since Treeger fixed the sink problem, they've been enjoying a swim in it.

Phoebe: That is so cool! I didn't know chicks could swim!... wait... can they?

_Joey shrugs, and_ _goes back to his movie. Scene ends and opens in Ross's apartment. Ross is standing by the couch, looking around the furnished apartment. Rachel is standing by the bedroom door, with a worried look on her face._

Rachel: Okay, Ross, honey, I know you're upset, but I think I have a solution that can work for us and for Monica and Chandler.

Ross: What? Use the boxes from Monica and Chandler to haul all our stuff in?

Rachel: Well...yeah. Although technically, all MY stuff is still in Joey's apartment. This is all YOUR stuff.

_Ross glares at her._

Rachel: I'm just saying, it's true.

_Ross sighs, and rubs his eyes._

Ross: Well, we have the apartment, that's the important thing. I'll call Monica tomorrow, see how many boxes we can get from her. I'm hoping she'll have some we can use.

_Rachel walks over and hugs him._

Rachel: I'm sorry, honey. I know you wanted to get some of this stuff moved today, but when I got Emma from my mother's, I completely forgot to get boxes. And then we came home and watched Sesame Street, and...well, basically, I just forgot.

_Ross hugs her back and kisses the top of her head._

Ross: It's okay, Rach. We made a promise to each other, remember? I don't want us to fight so soon after having gotten back together. Yes, I'm upset, but I'll get over it. We have the apartment we want, we can get boxes from Monica and Chandler, and we have our family. I think we should look on the positive.

_Rachel smiles, and kisses him, before leaning her head on his chest. Scene ends and opens the next day in Monica and Chandler's house. Monica is asleep on the couch, Chandler is asleep on the floor, and the twins are asleep in their bassinette. Monica wakes up, and looks down at Chandler. Chandler's eyes fly open, and he sits up screaming. Monica screams as well._

Chandler: Why must everyone watch me sleep? There will be no more watching me sleep! We went through that already!

Monica: I'm sorry, I didn't know you were awake!

Chandler: I wasn't awake! I was asleep until I felt a piercing stare upon me! It's like having a thousand needles 2 inches from your face!

Monica: I'm sorry! I forgot about that Eddie incident!

_The twins wake up crying. Monica groans._

Monica: Now the kids are awake.

Chandler (sarcastically): Really? I thought someone made an alarm clock with a new realistic baby crying sound!

_Monica and Chandler get up. Monica walks over to the bassinette, as Chandler heads upstairs to take a shower and get ready for work. Scene ends and opens in Monica and Chandler's house. Monica is sitting on the couch, feeding Jack. Chandler walks in, dressed in a suit. He walks over to the couch._

Chandler: Okay, I'm off.

_Chandler leans down and kisses Monica._

Monica: Oh, honey, before you go, can you feed Erica? I think she passed back out, but I can't feed both of them.

Chandler: Sure. Where'd you leave the formula and bottles at?

Monica: They're in the kitchen. I left a bottle for her on the counter.

_Chandler walks into the kitchen for the bottle, and comes out a minute later with it. He picks up Erica, and proceeds to feed her._

Chandler: I think we should get some of these boxes unloaded today.

Monica: Yeah, Rachel already called me asking if she can get some.

Chandler: How's she gonna get them?

Monica: I'll take them in. I told her I'd meet her at Central Perk this afternoon, after I get some of this stuff unpacked. It shouldn't take me more than a couple of hours. And this will be fun!

_Chandler smiles, and leaves with Erica in his arms. He runs back in a few seconds later, and sets her down._

Chandler: Okay, I know we hire young, but that's a little much.

_Scene ends and opens in Joey's apartment. Joey walks out of his bedroom in his bathrobe to the kitchen, tired. He opens the refrigerator, and takes out a bottle of juice, then gets a glass out of the cupboard. Phoebe enters from the other bedroom._

Joey: Morning.

Phoebe: Morning. Hey, thanks for letting me stay over last night. With Mike gone, the apartment was feeling a little lonely.

Joey: Don't worry about it. I'm sure Rachel won't mind you sleeping in her bed.

_A pause._

Phoebe: That was Rachel's bed?

Joey: Well, yeah. You didn't think I left the bedroom all fancied up, did you?

_Phoebe screams and starts waving her arms all over herself._

Phoebe: Oh! Oh, my God! Augh! I can't believe I slept in the same bed she had sex with ROSS in! Ew! I need a shower!

Joey: Phoebe, calm down! What's the big deal?

Phoebe: The big deal, Joey, is that I was sleeping in the bed my lobsters have had sex in! That's like you sleeping in the bed your parents had sex in!

_Joey makes a face as he swallows his juice, then sets the glass down on the counter and scoots it away from him._

Joey: Thanks, Phoebe! Now I'll NEVER drink juice again without thinking of my parents having sex!

_Phoebe's cell phone starts ringing. She looks at the caller ID, and answers._

Phoebe (on the phone): Hello? Oh, hey, Rachel! What's up?

_A pause._

Phoebe (on the phone): Yeah, I'm at Joey's place right now. We just got up.

_A pause._

Phoebe (on the phone): No, Rachel, we didn't. I just stayed overnight.

_A pause._

Phoebe (on the phone): Yeah, we can. How soon do you need us to go over?

_A pause._

Phoebe (on the phone): Okay, we'll see you then. Bye.

_Phoebe hangs up the phone, and turns to Joey._

Phoebe: Monica's bringing some boxes over for Ross to pack his things in. Rachel's wondering if we can meet her down in Central Perk in a bit to help her go over to Ross's place and help her pack stuff.

Joey: Sure, no problem.

Phoebe: I have to go home and change. I'll meet you there in about an hour?

Joey: Okay.

_Joey gives Phoebe a quick kiss on the cheek. Scene ends, and opens in Central Perk. Ross and Rachel are sharing the armchair. Joey is sitting in the chair at the end table. Phoebe is sitting on the couch, deliberately ignoring Joey. Monica enters, with the twins in their stroller._

Monica: Hi! Sorry I'm late, I had to get the boxes broken down and put in the car.

Ross: Mon, how many rooms did you unpack, exactly?

_Monica looks uneasy._

Monica (vaguely): Enough for the boxes we need.

Rachel: Monica...?

_Monica sighs._

Monica: Half the house, okay? I got half the house unpacked and organized already.

Ross (sarcastically): Gee, Monica. I guess the idea of oh, I don't know, TAKING A BREAK never entered your mind?

Monica: No, cause then I couldn't bring the boxes over here and start telling you guys what to do when we start packing!

_Everyone stares at her._

Monica: I mean...HELP you when we start packing. Anyway, let's go! Chandler said he'll meet us there when he gets off work, so let's get to it!

_Monica takes the stroller and heads for the door. Ross looks at Rachel, shrugs, and gets up to follow Monica, followed by Rachel. Joey looks over at Phoebe, who quickly looks away at the wall._

Joey: Pheebs, is there something bothering you that you're not telling me?

Phoebe: No. Hey, look! Doesn't that crack look a little like Elvis?

_Joey looks over, as Phoebe runs from the coffeehouse to Ross's apartment. Joey looks around, and notices he's alone. Scene ends and opens in Ross's apartment. Numerous boxes are scattered around, most open with random items sticking out. Ross, Rachel, and Phoebe are walking around with items in hand. Monica is standing in the middle of the room, giving directions._

Monica: Okay, Phoebe, make sure you pack the bathroom towels in with the bathroom items, and put that box with the others in the bathroom. Ross, wrap that dino stuff you don't want broken in bubble wrap. I think there should be enough left over from our move for you. Rachel, honey, be sure to keep the silverware separate. Joey...good job.

_Joey looks up from the counter where he's making a sandwich._

Joey: Thanks.

_Ross sets down the dino knickknacks he's wrapping._

Ross: Hey, Mon, here's an idea: how about you HELP us?

Monica: I AM helping! I'm...directing.

_Ross sits down on the couch, in exhaustion. Rachel joins him, as Joey sits on a corner of the coffee table, and Phoebe sits in the recliner. Monica looks at them._

Monica: Come on, you can't tell me you're all tired, already!

Ross: Monica, we've been at this for three HOURS. We're tired.

Monica: But we're almost done! Come on, we just have a few more rooms to do!

_Everyone groans._

Rachel: Mon, honey, why don't you sit down with us? Take a few minutes for yourself.

Monica: No! There are still boxes to be packed! You all can sit on your butts if you want, but I'm gonna keep packing!

_Monica disappears into the spare bedroom, as the others shrug and turn on the TV. Chandler enters._

Chandler: Hey. What, is it game time already?

_He sits down next to Joey on the coffee table. Ross glares at him._

Ross: No, we're taking a break while your wife spends some of her pent up energy packing the boxes, instead of giving us orders.

_Monica walks in._

Monica (entering the room): Did I hear Chandler out here?

_She looks over to see Chandler sitting on the coffee table._

Monica: Oh good, you're here! You can help me pack.

_Chandler pretends to lean over in exhaustion._

Chandler: Oh, you know, work was pretty exhausting. I think I'm gonna sit here for a few minutes; kind of find some energy to help you.

_Monica grabs his arm, and pulls him into the back room._

Monica: Nice try. I heard you when you came in. You get a choice: watch the kids while I pack these boxes, or start putting the knickknacks Ross wrapped into those boxes for me.

_Chandler looks around helplessly._

Chandler: Ross? A little help here?

Ross: You have fun, Chandler.

_Ross turns back to the TV, as Chandler gets dragged into the back room. Joey stands up._

Joey: Hey, I'm gonna go to Central Perk for a coffee. Anyone want anything?

_Answers of "No", and "I'm good" float back to him. Joey exits the building, and crosses to the window of Central Perk. Looking inside, he sees Mike sitting on the couch talking to a beautiful redhead. As Joey looks on, Mike leans in and kisses the woman. Camera pans over to Joey's shocked face, before fading out. Credits appear on screen._

**CREDITS SCENE:**

_Scene opens in Ross and Rachel's new apartment. Monica, Chandler, Ross, Rachel, and Phoebe each are carrying in boxes. Ross sets his on the counter, and turns to Rachel._

Ross: Well, this is it. We are now officially starting our move into this apartment.

_Rachel grins._

Rachel: I know, I've been wanting this for a long time. I love you, Ross.

_Rachel hugs Ross, and leans in for a kiss. Monica cries from the bathroom._

Monica: Towels! YES! Something else to organize!

**END OF SHOW**

**(A/N: I know that many Phoebe/Mike fans won't be happy with this episode. Please bear with me, I wanna explore an idea that the show never touched on. As for Lobster and Mondler fans, stay tuned. There's plenty of surprises in store. Also, thank you all who have reviewed my premiere. Your support has given me confidence to keep up the season. Now go take my challenge! LOL)**


	3. The One With The Crib

_Scene opens in Joey's apartment. Monica and Rachel are walking out of Rachel's room with boxes. Ross is standing by the door._

Rachel: Okay! These are the last of them. Except for Emma's things and the bed, we're all set.

Ross: That's great! I'll go over and start setting up Emma's crib in her room.

_Ross leaves the room, leaving the door open. Enter Phoebe._

Phoebe: Hey. Oh, look at you, all packed!

Rachel: I know! Isn't it great? Ross and I are in love, we're living together as a family...I feel like I'm in a fairy tale!

Monica: Well, princess Rachel, we still need to get this stuff over. So if you'd be so kind as to move out of my way, this box is getting heavy.

Phoebe: What's in it?

_Monica glares at Rachel._

Monica: Rachel's shoes.

Phoebe: Well, that's not so bad.

Monica: This is box one ofTHREE.

_Theme song and title sequence plays._

_**So no one told you life was going to be this way.**____**  
**__**Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's DOA.**____**  
**__**It's like you're always stuck in second gear,**____**  
**__**Well, it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year.**____****_

_**But, I'll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour.**____**  
**__**I'll be there for you, like I've been there before.**____**  
**__**I'll be there for you, cause you're there for me too.**_

_Scene opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Rachel walk in, each holding a box. Monica sets hers on the counter._

Monica: Seriously, Rachel, who needs three boxes of SHOES?

_Ross enters from Monica's old room._

Ross: Where are Emma's clothes at? I wanna start getting them put away.

Rachel: I think they're in one of the boxes over at Joey's place. We're still hauling them over.

Monica: Wait, hold on. You're putting Emma in MY old room? What's wrong with Rachel's room?

Rachel: That's still my room. Well, OUR room.

Monica: Why?

_Ross mutters something under his breath._

Monica: What?

Ross: I said I can't sleep in the same room my sister had sex in, okay? It's just too weird!

_Monica stares at Ross, as Joey enters._

Ross: Hey, Joey. Have you seen Chandler?

Joey: I think he's downstairs with Phoebe. Why, what's up?

Ross: I need you guys to help me get Emma's crib put together.

_Rachel stares at Ross._

Rachel: You haven't even gotten Emma's crib put together? What have you been doing all that time?

Ross: Hauling boxes in, and making sure the movers got my furniture out, that's what.

Joey: Besides, don't worry, Rach. Between the three of us, we'll have that crib put together in an hour, tops.

_Rachel shakes her head, as she goes back to Joey's apartment. Scene ends and opens in Central Perk. Chandler is sitting on the couch, playing on his computer. Enter Monica._

Monica: There you are! Joey and Ross are looking for you.

Chandler: Oh? Well they didn't look here! This must be SUCH a great hiding spot. I would have won this game of hide and seek - IF we were playing...

_Monica glares._

Monica: They need your help in putting Emma's crib together.

_Chandler looks up._

Chandler: They want me to use tools? I am SO on it!

_Chandler gets up, and runs out the door, leaving his computer behind. A few seconds later, he runs back in._

Chandler: Which room are they putting her in?

Monica: Our old one. Ross says he can't sleep in the same room we had sex in, the big baby.

Chandler: Okay.

_Chandler grabs his computer, and runs out the door. A few seconds later, Rachel and Phoebe come in. Rachel and Monica sit on the couch, while Phoebe sits in the chair._

Monica: So how long do you think it'll take them to get finished in there?

Rachel: Joey said about an hour. I'd say give them two or three. Which gives us time to go shopping.

Phoebe: Yeah, that's always fun! Especially with Mike still out of town.

_Monica turns to Rachel._

Monica: So, what're you gonna do with your bed?

Rachel: I thought I'd see if Joey wanted to keep it in there, for something for guests to use.

_Phoebe jumps up, and points at Rachel._

Phoebe: No! You BURN that thing, Rachel! You BURN it right now! It's evil, and tainted! Strike a match, and cleanse that mattress in fire!

_Monica, Rachel, and half of the coffeehouse stare at Phoebe in shock, as a waitress walks over._

Waitress: Can I get you three anything?

Monica: Two coffees for us, and a decaf for her.

_Monica points to Phoebe, as Gunther walks past._

Gunther: Better make that a permanent decaf.

_Phoebe stares, as Gunther goes back to the counter. Scene ends and opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Ross is standing by the counter, as Chandler walks in._

Chandler: Hey.

Ross: Hey. Where have you been? We sent Monica after you almost an hour ago.

Chandler: Yeah, I know. I got sidetracked on my way up.

Ross: By what?

_Chandler holds up a box with Chick and Duck Jr. in it._

Chandler: Joey's kids, deciding to go for a stroll toward Chinatown.

**(A/N New York residents, please forgive my lack of geographical knowledge. Is Chinatown anywhere near Central Park? For that matter, IS there a Chinatown in NYC?)**

_Ross groans._

Ross: I guess Rachel and Monica forgot to shut his door when they left.

Chandler (sarcastically): Really? Because I figured they learned how to open the door, and decided it'd be nice to go for a stroll on a day like this.

_Ross glares at Chandler, as Joey walks out of Emma's room._

Joey: Hey. Where you been, we got a crib to set up.

_Joey looks in the box, and sees Chick and Duck Jr. staring back._

Joey: Oh, cool! You brought them over to help?

_Chandler looks at Ross._

Chandler: Uh...yeah! Except that Ross was worried they might get out the window and disappear, so I'm gonna take them back over to your place.

Joey: Cool! Oh, hey, Chandler! On your way back, can you grab me a beer?

_Chandler shakes his head, as he walks back over to Joey's apartment. Scene ends and opens in the mall. Rachel, Phoebe, and Monica are walking through the food court. Monica inhales deeply._

Monica: Mmmm, smell those good smells! You know, I think this is my favorite part of the mall. All the spices, the smells of things cooking...oh my god, I'm getting hungry! Anyone want a pretzel?

Phoebe: Yeah, let's get some! Ooh, let's get a cinnamon flavored soft pretzel! We can split it among the three of us!

Rachel: Yeah, I'm really not all that hungry, to be honest.

Monica: Good. More for us.

_Scene ends and opens in a department store. Rachel is browsing through a rack of designer shirts, as Monica and Phoebe stand nearby, each eating their half of a pretzel. Rachel holds up a cream-colored dress shirt._

Rachel: You think this shirt would go good with anything I have for an interview?

_She holds it up to herself. Phoebe looks at the shirt, as well as Rachel._

Phoebe: I think it'd be great for a date with Ross, but that's about it.

Rachel: What do you think, Mon?

Monica: How much is it?

_Rachel looks at the price tag, and immediately puts the shirt back on the rack. Monica smiles._

Monica: Maybe you can talk Ross into getting it for you for your birthday, or Christmas.

Rachel: Not at THAT price. He'd have to take a loan out to be able to afford it.

Phoebe: OR, you could do that puppy dog look. That always works.

_Rachel giggles._

Rachel: Yeah, but that's normally a last-resort weapon.

_Scene ends and opens in Emma's room. Joey and Chandler are sitting on the floor with a bunch of crib parts scattered around. Ross is standing near the doorway with an annoyed look on his face._

Ross: I thought you said this was gonna take only an hour!

Joey: It did!

Ross: That was three HOURS ago! There's more pieces now than there were when we started!

Joey: Well, it took an hour to break it down as far as we did!

Ross: And it would have taken less time if you hadn't stopped for beer and Baywatch!

Chandler: Ross, it's Baywatch!

_Ross turns to Chandler._

Ross: It's not even on TV anymore! And you didn't help matters by putting the tape in and sitting down with him!

Chandler: Well...he offered beer!

_Ross groans and pulls out his cell phone._

Ross: I'm gonna call Rachel, see where she put the instructions for this thing at.

_Joey looks uncomfortable._

Joey: Uh...she gave them to me, and I sorta used it for the birds' bedding one time.

_Ross groans again and thumps his head against the wall._

Chandler: Why don't you just look them up online?

Ross: Hey, Mr. High Tech Whiz Kid: I don't own a computer. And even if I DID, the movers aren't here with my furniture yet!

Chandler: Ross, you forget that I have a laptop computer. It's in my bag. All I need to do is find a wireless signal, and we can have those instructions in no time.

Ross: And where IS your bag?

Chandler: Sitting in Joey's recliner.

Ross: You left your bag in JOEY'S apartment? The shrine to pizza and beer?

Chandler:...yeah.

Ross: I'll go get it. You two just start working on getting that crib back together. I'll only be gone a minute or two.

_Ross exits to Joey's apartment. Joey turns to Chandler._

Joey: Did you see the new Pamela Anderson shot on _Vogue_?

_Chandler just stares at him. Scene ends and opens in Emma's room. Part of the crib is reassembled. Enter Ross with Chandler's bag._

Ross: Okay, here you go. Can you find a wireless signal in this building?

Chandler (sarcastically): I don't know, my mutant powers of detecting signals isn't WORKING RIGHT NOW! I have to turn the computer ON first.

Ross: Just work on it. Joey, do you remember the name of the company who made the crib?

Joey: Uh...

_Joey looks at the crib bars for the logo._

Joey: Graco.

_Chandler wanders over to the window, staring at his computer monitor._

Chandler: Got a signal! Okay, let's see here...you said Graco?

Joey: That's what it said on the bars.

Chandler: I haven't heard those words used since I was twenty. Graco what?

Joey: I don't know, it said "Graco". That was it.

_Chandler sighs._

Chandler: Ross, you remember what it looked like assembled? Because we're gonna need to go to through pictures to find it.

Ross: Yeah, I remember.

_Ross walks over and starts looking through the crib pictures with Chandler. Scene ends and opens in the mall. Rachel is trying on a pair of pants. Monica is sitting by the dressing room door. _

Monica: You know, I'm not sure Ross is going to like the idea of you spending so much money on clothes.

Rachel (from dressing room): I'm not spending that much, Mon. Besides, I'm trying these on, not buying them. It can be a Christmas or birthday present from him for me.

Monica: At the rate you're going, he's gonna be broke just shopping for you.

Rachel (from dressing room): Hey, this is giving them time to get the crib up, and get the furniture moved in. AND, we don't have to help there. You should be glad.

Monica: And miss out on the chance to tell people what to do? No way! ... I mean... And miss out on the chance to help you get everything sorted there?

_Enter Phoebe, with a box in her hands._

Phoebe: You guys are never gonna believe what I found over at the antique store!

Monica: What?

_Phoebe sets down the box, and opens it to reveal a beautiful antique tea set. Monica gasps._

Monica: Phoebe, that's beautiful!

Phoebe: I know, right? Wait till I show this to Mike! He'll love it!

_Rachel sticks her head out from the dressing room._

Rachel: Love what?

_Phoebe shows her the tea set. Rachel gazes at it lovingly._

Rachel: Awwwwww, that IS gorgeous! You guys think Ross would let me buy something like that?

Monica: What would you use it for? We normally go to the coffeehouse, remember?

_Rachel glares at her, then goes back into the dressing room._

Rachel (from dressing room): How much was that, Pheebs?

Phoebe: About a hundred dollars, on sale.

_Rachel sticks her head out again._

Rachel: And you two say I spend too much on clothes?

_Monica and Phoebe stare at her. Scene ends and opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Ross is scrolling through the pictures of cribs._

Ross: Oh, I found it!

_Ross heads for the room, as Chandler comes out._

Ross: Do you have a PDF viewer on here? Wait, why is it saying the page won't load? LOAD, you stupid page!

_Chandler grabs the computer from Ross, and looks at the screen._

Chandler: Oh, no, no, no, no, no! The wireless signal is lost! It's gonna take me forever to find a new one!

_Chandler walks back over to the window, and begins looking for a new signal._

Chandler: Ross, you CANNOT wander away from this spot with the computer. If you do, it's gonna lose the signal, and nothing will load.

Ross: Then how am I supposed to get these instructions to you two in there?

_Chandler pauses, as he thinks on that._

Chandler: Good question. How about shouting them in there?

_Joey walks out of the room._

Joey: Or we could assemble it out here, and then take it IN the room.

_Ross and Chandler stare at him._

Chandler: Your parents fed you paint chips as a kid, didn't they?

_Scene ends and opens in Central Perk. Monica and Rachel are sitting on the couch. Phoebe is sitting in the chair. Shopping bags sit near Rachel, and Phoebe's box is on the coffee table in front of them. Monica comes back from the counter with a muffin for all three of them._

Monica: I can't believe you actually bought that outfit! And what's with the shoes?

Rachel: They match! How many times have you gone shopping for clothes and found out your shoes didn't match when you got home?

_Monica thinks._

Monica: A few times, but then I just send Chandler back to the store to get me the pair I wanted.

Phoebe: Yeah, that's what you should've done! Send Ross to the store for shoes!

Rachel: Guys, Ross is upstairs putting together Emma's crib. I'm not going to send him off to the store right now just to get me a pair of shoes!

Monica: I thought Joey said they'd have it done in an hour.

Rachel: Mon, this is JOEY we're talking about. Remember how long it took him to put together that entertainment center? I think we had to call the fire department 3 times on false alarms when he was working on that.

_Monica and Phoebe nod in agreement._

Monica: So how long do you wanna wait down here before we go upstairs and burst their egos?

_Rachel checks her watch._

Rachel: Let's give them a couple more hours, then we'll go up there. We can get the rest of those boxes from Joey's place while we're at it, too.

_Monica and Phoebe shrug. Scene ends and opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Night has fallen. Ross is standing by the window, looking at his old apartment across the street. Behind him is the furniture from his place. Chandler and Joey are sitting at the table, drinking a beer. Chandler looks over at Ross._

Chandler: You want a beer, Ross? I mean, we got the crib up, the boxes moved in, and the furniture placed where we want it. Can you imagine the looks on the faces of the girls when they get back, and see what we did?

Ross (facing the window): Yeah, it'll be pretty good. Especially the look on Rachel's face.

Chandler: What are you so interested in over there?

_Ross turns away from the window._

Ross: I was thinking about when Ugly, Naked Guy was over there. Makes me wonder: who's gonna move in there now? I kinda wish he was back over there.

Chandler: I wouldn't worry about it, unless you get some creepy stalker or pedophile over there.

_Ross glares at Chandler._

Ross (sarcastically): Thank you, Chandler, for that pep talk on my new neighbors. Why don't you mention those kind of people around Rachel when she walks in? See what she thinks?

_Chandler opens his mouth to speak, but is interrupted by the door opening. Enter Rachel, Monica, and Phoebe._

Rachel: We're ho...

_Rachel gasps._

Rachel: Oh my god, Ross, you got the apartment finished!

_Ross smiles nervously._

Ross: Yeah. I hope you like it.

_Rachel looks around at the furnished apartment, drops her bags on the floor, and walks over to give Ross a hug._

Rachel: I love it! I can't believe you got the apartment set up already! You're the sweetest man ever!

_Rachel gives Ross a deep kiss._

Ross: And the best part...we got Emma's crib set up, all of yours and hers boxes moved over, and her things unloaded and put away. All you have to do is unload your boxes, then we can take them down to the dumpster.

Monica: Wait, what dumpster?

Ross: They put a new cardboard recycling dumpster next to the trash dumpster. You can just throw cardboard boxes in there.

_Monica looks irritably at Chandler. Scene ends and opens in Joey's apartment. Joey is talking to Chick and Duck Jr._

Joey: You guys have to be more careful where you go. If Chandler hadn't found you, who knows where you might've ended up?

_Enter Phoebe._

Phoebe: Hey, Joey? We're about to have some cake to celebrate Ross and Rachel's homecoming. Are you gonna be coming over?

Joey: Yeah, I'll be there shortly. Oh, hey, listen, Phoebe...there's something I gotta tell you.

_Phoebe shuts the front door, as she stares at Joey. Credits appear on screen._

**CREDITS SCENE:**

_Ross and Rachel are sitting on the couch, watching a movie. Emma is in her room, asleep._

Ross: What a day, huh?

Rachel: Mm hm. I still can't believe you three got the apartment finished before we got back. I'm so proud of you.

Ross: Thanks.

_Ross leans in to kiss Rachel, just as a cry comes from Emma's room._

Emma: Mama!

_Rachel groans, and enters Emma's room._

Rachel (from Emma's room): Ross! Why is there a picture of Pamela Anderson on our daughter's wall?

**(A/N I know, I know. When am I gonna get to the big reveal? Sorry, readers, I couldn't resist the devil on my shoulder that said to tease you guys for another week. Next week's episode, all will be revealed. I promise. Unless my angel goes on vacation, & gets replaced by another devil...LOL)**


	4. The One With The Computer

_Scene opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Ross, Rachel, and Emma are sitting at the table, eating breakfast. Enter Joey._

Joey: Hey.

Ross and Rachel: Hey, Joey.

_Joey grabs a cup, and pours some coffee._

Ross: Joey, you know we DO have juice, right?

Joey: Yeah, but thanks to Phoebe, I can't drink juice anymore without thinking of my parents having sex.

_Ross and Rachel look at Joey._

Rachel: Okay, honey, I know I'm not much of a morning person, but even that didn't make sense to me. Would you like to explain?

Joey: You remember how Phoebe stayed overnight at my place?

_Rachel nods, then holds up a finger._

Rachel: Hang on a sec, Joey.

_Rachel leans over, and covers Emma's ears._

Rachel: Okay, go ahead.

Joey: Well, when she realized that she was sleeping in your bed, she freaked. Said sleeping in the same bed her lobsters had sex in was the same as sleeping in the bed your parents had sex in. All this, while I was drinking juice.

_Ross grimaces, and sets down his cup of juice._

Ross: Thanks, Joey. Now I'M not gonna be drinking juice anymore without thinking of my parents having sex!

_Theme song and title sequence play._

_**So no one told you life was going to be this way.  
Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's DOA.  
It's like you're always stuck in second gear,  
Well, it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year.**_

_**But, I'll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour.  
I'll be there for you, like I've been there before.  
I'll be there for you, cause you're there for me too.**_

_Scene opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Chandler are sitting on the couch. Ross and Rachel are sharing the armchair._

Chandler: So what do you guys wanna do today?

Rachel: Well, Ross and I are going shopping today for a computer. We realized after the incident with Emma's crib that we kinda need one to be able to function in today's society.

Ross: What she means is, she can't keep up on the fashion world without having some way to surf the Internet for news. And to waste time.

Monica: Ross!

Rachel: No, he's right.

Chandler: So what kind are you gonna get?

Ross: Well, we saw one in the paper for about $500. We figured that we can ask the sales people some questions about it when we get there.

_Chandler stares at Ross and Rachel._

Chandler: You're gonna get a computer based on PRICE? No! You need one that can do what you want it to!

_A pause._

Chandler: What DO you want it to do?

Rachel: I need something I can do designs on for work, and Ross needs something he can do university work on.

Chandler: Oh, okay.

_Chandler sets a pen and a pad of paper in front of them._

Chandler: There you go, Amish people.

Monica: Chandler!

_Ross and Rachel glare at Chandler. Scene ends and opens in an electronics store. Ross and Rachel are looking at various models of computers._

Rachel: Honey, how about this one? It says it can process art programs, as well as most Word documents, so that should help with your job at NYU.

_Ross looks at the price, and beckons over one of the salespeople._

Ross: Hey, I have to ask: is the inside of this thing made out of solid gold?

Salesperson (confusedly): No, I don't believe so, sir. Why do you ask?

Ross: Then how do you justify charging THAT much for a machine?

Salesperson: Well, sir, this IS a top of the line model, just recently released. It had a four gig memory, quad-core processor with a one terabyte hard drive...

_Salesperson trails off, seeing the confused look on their faces._

Salesperson: It has a lot of space and it runs really fast.

Ross and Rachel: Oh, okay.

Salesperson: What exactly are you looking for?

Ross: Well, we want a computer that we can use to do things for work on, as well as just surf the web.

Salesperson: Okay. What do you do for a living?

Ross: My girlfriend's in fashion, and I'm a Paleontology professor over at NYU. We're also trying not to spend a lot of money on whatever computer we get.

Salesperson: All right. I think I know the perfect computer for you two.

_Salesperson leads them over to a computer. Scene ends and opens in Joey's apartment. Phoebe is sitting on the couch, with a shocked expression on her face. Joey is sitting next to her, holding her hands._

Joey: Pheebs, I'm sorry I had to tell you that, but I thought you should know.

Phoebe: How could Mike DO this to me?

Joey: I don't know, Pheebs. But we'll confront him on this together. Do you want the others to know?

_Phoebe shakes her head._

Phoebe: Let's keep this between us for now, Joey. Ooh, it's like we have a secret now! Yay!

Joey: But Phoebe, I HATE keeping secrets! Especially from Rachel, she always bugs me until I tell her.

Phoebe: We'll confront him tonight. He's supposedly back tonight, remember?

_Joey nods._

Joey: And then we hurt him.

_Scene ends and opens in Central Perk. Chandler and Monica are sitting on the couch. Enter Ross and Rachel, with numerous boxes._

Rachel: Hi! We're back.

Monica: What is with all the boxes?

_Ross and Rachel sit down, sharing the armchair._

Ross: Well, we got the computer, but decided we needed a printer to go with it. And since it didn't have a monitor, we got one of those, as well.

Rachel: But we also decided that since we'd only have one computer between the two of us, I managed to talk Ross into getting what the guy there called a notebook.

_Rachel pats the box she's holding. Chandler looks at them with a smirk._

Chandler: So you two got a tower with a monitor, AND a notebook? Wow, I'm impressed. My brother-in-law and his girlfriend are entering the twenty-first century.

Rachel: Well, Whiz Kid, since you seem to know the most about computers, we thought you might wanna come up and help us put these together.

Monica: We would, but Chandler and I have dinner reser-

Chandler: Let's go!

Monica: Chandler!

Chandler: Monica, it's a COMPUTER. And they're asking for help. I CANNOT say no to this.

_Monica sighs._

Monica: Fine. I'll cancel our reservations.

Rachel: Mon, the boys can put that together. I can cook dinner for you while they're doing that.

_Ross, Monica, and Chandler all look at Rachel with a panicked look on their faces._

Rachel: What?

Monica: Nothing. It's just...we're remembering the dessert from Thanksgiving a few years back.

Rachel: Hey, the pages were stuck together! Besides, Joey thought it was good.

Chandler: I've seen Joey eat three-day old Chinese that was left out.

Ross: Rach, why not let Monica teach you to cook, while we're working on this? That way, you can host a party in our apartment some night.

Monica: Yeah! Besides, we can avoid any electrical sparks these two might throw out putting that thing together.

_Ross and Chandler glare at Monica._

Chandler: And possibly avoid any electrical sparks, or in fact, ANY kind of catastrophe by letting Rach cook.

Monica: Chandler!

Chandler: Just kidding. You know I can't help myself.

Monica: Well, let's go!

_Ross and Rachel gather up the boxes, as they all stand up. Scene ends and opens in Central Perk. Phoebe and Joey are sitting on the couch, drinking coffee. Enter Monica._

Monica: Hey, guys. We're helping Ross and Rachel assemble their new computer and home office stuff. You wanna come by?

Joey: Uh, we can't. See, Phoebe and I are...uh...

Phoebe: I'm helping Joey rehearse for his next audition. We're just waiting for the scripts to get here.

Monica: Oh, okay. Well, Rachel's cooking dinner.

_Phoebe and Joey get the same panicked looks on their faces._

Phoebe: Well, I have plans-

Joey: I have a date tonight-

Monica: I'm helping her, relax.

Phoebe: Well, maybe I can swing by.

Joey: I can always schedule it for another night.

_Monica smiles, and heads out. Phoebe turns to Joey._

Phoebe: We need to work on your lying abilities, Joe.

_Joey nods in agreement. Scene ends and opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Rachel and Monica are in the kitchen. Rachel is standing in front of a pan on the stove, stirring the contents. Monica is standing behind her, watching over her shoulder. Ross and Chandler are near the window, setting up the monitor on a table._

Chandler: Okay, did you get the power cord and the monitor hookup plugged in?

Ross (sarcastically): No, the screen lit up because I was waving my wand over it.

Chandler: All right, I need the recovery CD, so it can make a copy before I get your operating system running. What'd you do with it?

Ross: I don't know. (_to Rachel_) Hon, where did you put the box that the tower came in?

Rachel: I think it's out in the dumpster.

_Chandler and Ross look at one another, then run toward the window. Ross turns away and points to the door._

Ross: I'll take the fire escape, you take the elevator!

Chandler: Right!

_Chandler runs out the door, as Ross stars climbing down the fire escape. Rachel turns to Monica._

Rachel: Okay, so how long does this need to simmer?

_Scene ends and opens in the alleyway next to the apartment building. Chandler is looking through a bunch of boxes next to the dumpster._

Chandler: You see anything?

_Ross pops up out of the dumpster._

Ross: Just a bunch of bags of bird food that Joey threw out. And what LOOKS like the box to an adult sex game...

_Chandler grabs the box and examines the name._

Chandler: Hey, I think Monica and I have this game!

Ross: Chandler! That's my sister!

Chandler: Just keep looking, it's got to be in there somewhere.

_Ross goes back into the dumpster, looking through the boxes. Joey walks around the corner._

Joey: Hey, Chandler? What're you doing? Did Monica kick you out?

Chandler (sarcastically): Yes, Joey. Monica threw me out, so I'm looking through all these boxes for my new home.

Joey: Hey, man. You know you can come stay with me.

_Chandler stands up and glares at Joey, as Ross pops up out of the dumpster._

Ross: I think I found it.

_He holds up a disk in a plastic bag._

Ross: Is this it?

Chandler: I don't know, I left my telescopic night vision goggles at home. Why don't you throw it OVER so I can use the light to TELL you?

_Ross glares, and tosses the bag to Chandler. Joey looks at Ross._

Joey: What're you doing in the dumpster?

Ross: I was looking for the recovery disk that Chandler needs to get our new computer working. Rachel threw it out by accident.

Chandler: Yeah, this is it, Ross. Let's get back upstairs and make sure Rachel didn't burn down the apartment.

Ross: Monica's with her.

Chandler: We're talking about _Rachel_, around a stove.

_Joey looks at them._

Joey: And you left her alone?

_Chandler and Joey run toward the entrance. Scene ends and opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Rachel, Monica, and Phoebe are sitting at the table. Joey, Chandler, and Ross are gathered around the computer. Chandler is sitting in a chair, running the setup for Windows._

Chandler: Okay, Ross, when it prompts you to, set up the account name and password for your admin controls on here.

Ross: Does it matter what the password is?

Chandler: No, but I'd say something NOT related to dinos, Captain Caveman.

Ross: I wasn't. I have something else in mind.

_Chandler stands up, as Ross takes a seat, and enters his password on the computer. Phoebe's phone starts ringing. She looks at it._

Phoebe: Joey, we have to go. I just got a TXT message from Mike. He wants me to meet him downstairs at Central Perk in a few minutes. Says he has a surprise for me.

Monica: What's going on?

Joey: I saw Mike the other night, kissing a redhead in the coffee house.

Phoebe: Joey!

Joey: I'm sorry, Pheebs, but they should know! They're our friends. Besides, Rachel wouldn't stop pestering me till I told her, if she knew there was a secret.

Rachel: He's right.

Monica: Come on. We're going down with you, to confront Mike on this.

Chandler: Yeah, Ross and I have to finish the installation for this comp-

_Monica glares at him._

Chandler: Or we could go down and be moral support for Phoebe. That's good, too.

_Scene ends and opens in Central Perk. Ross, Rachel, and Phoebe are sitting on the couch. Joey is sitting in the end table chair. Monica is sitting on the arm of the chair. Chandler is standing by the window._

Chandler: Okay, here comes Mike!

_Chandler runs over and sits down in the armchair. Enter Mike._

Mike: Hey, honey. Oh good, everyone's here! Awesome, I got someone I want you guys to meet.

Monica: I'll bet you do.

_Mike glances over._

Mike: Uh...is something wrong?

Phoebe: You lied to me, Mike! That's what's wrong!

Mike: Phoebe, please let me explain. You see, someone I haven't seen in a while came to town...

Phoebe: Who, your g/f? Is this why your first marriage failed, Mike? Because you cheat on your wife?

_People stare at Phoebe in bewilderment. Enter the redhead seen earlier with Mike._

Redhead: Hi, Mike!

Mike: Hey!

_Mike takes her hand, and turns to the group._

Mike: Everyone...this is my cousin, Annette.

Annette: Hi.

_Mike introduces everyone. Phoebe stares at Mike in shock._

Phoebe: You mean...you WEREN'T cheating on me?

Mike: No! I love you, Phoebe. Annette came into town about a week ago. She's moving to the city, so we've been looking for a place for her to stay. I know I lied to you and said I'd be out of town for a few days, but that was because I wanted to surprise you with her arrival.

Joey: But I saw you kiss her the other night in here!

Mike: Joey, I kissed her CHEEK. Because I was just catching up with her here. You don't really think I'd cheat on Phoebe, do you?

Phoebe: Mike, I...I'm so sorry. I really thought you had.

Mike: It's all right. I love you.

Phoebe: I love you, too.

_Mike and Phoebe kiss. Everyone smiles, then turns to Annette._

Rachel: So Annette, did you have any luck finding a place?

Annette: No. Either they were already taken, or they were really creepy. I'm not having much luck with a job, either.

Monica: Oh! You could stay with Joey! He has a room open now, since Rachel moved out. And that room already has its own bed.

Mike: I don't know. I mean, it IS Joey we're talking about...

Phoebe: Mike! He can be trusted. But NO on that bed, Monica! NO!

_Annette looks at Phoebe in confusion._

Annette: Is there something I should know?

Ross: Trust me, you're better off not knowing.

Annette: Well, staying with Joey will solve one problem for me. But I still don't have a job.

Rachel: Well, what did you do for a living before you moved?

Annette: I was an actress.

Joey: Seriously? I can introduce you to Estelle!

Phoebe: Uh, Joe? Estelle died, remember?

Joey: Oh, that's right! Dammit!

_Ross looks over at Gunther._

Ross: Well, if you don't mind being a waitress until you can get your acting career in the city to take off, I may have a solution for you.

_Everyone follows his gaze over to where Gunther is filling an order at the counter._

Mike: Hey, that's not a bad idea! You could work here, Annette. Since the apartments are upstairs, you don't have far to go.

Chandler: Yeah, you'll just be putting up with rude customers all day.

_Monica elbows Chandler._

Annette: Yeah. I guess that could work. Who do I have to talk to?

_Rachel points to Gunther._

Rachel: Talk to him. Gunther was the one in charge when I worked here.

_Annette walks over to talk to him. Mike smiles and takes Phoebe's hand, and kisses it._

Mike: I'm sorry I scared you, but thanks for accepting Annette and helping her.

Phoebe: Honey, she's family. And she's going to love it here.

_Annette runs over with a smile on her face, and hugs Mike._

Annette: I'm starting tomorrow!

Rachel: Honey, that's great!

_Mike pulls Phoebe and everyone else in for a group hug. Credits appear on screen._

**CREDITS SCENE:**

_Joey opens the door to his apartment, followed by Annette._

Joey: Sorry for the mess, I was at work most of the day. Nor was I expecting a gorgeous roommate.

_Annette laughs._

Annette: That's okay, I've lived in a lot worse.

_Joey points to the door to the right._

Joey: Your room's right over there. That used to be Chandler and Rachel's old room.

Annette: Thanks, Joey. I'll just get my stuff in there for now, then we ca-

_Annette pauses as Chick and Duck Jr. waddle by._

Annette: Cool, a petting zoo!


	5. The One With Annette's Recliner

_Scene opens in Joey and Annette's apartment. Joey is standing in the kitchen, drinking coffee. Enter Annette from the bathroom, in a bathrobe with a towel wrapped around her hair._

Joey: Morning.

Annette: Hey. Ooh, coffee!

_Annette pours herself a cup, as Duck Jr. waddles out of the bathroom._

Joey: Oh, THAT'S where he was hiding at this morning!

Annette: Yeah, we had ourselves a little shower. It's...interesting to have a shower mate.

_Joey smiles, then looks at Annette._

Joey: Do you know where the chick is?

_Annette points to a basket on the table next to the recliner. Chick Jr. is seen on a bed of fake grass, chirping. __Theme song and title sequence play._

_**So no one told you life was going to be this way.  
Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's DOA.  
It's like you're always stuck in second gear,  
Well, it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year.**_

_**But, I'll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour.  
I'll be there for you, like I've been there before.  
I'll be there for you, cause you're there for me too.**_

_Scene opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Ross is standing at the counter, fixing breakfast. Emma is in her highchair at the table, eating her breakfast. Enter Annette._

Annette: Morning.

Ross: Morning, Annette.

Annette: Sorry to bother you this early, but do you have any eggs?

Ross: I think there's a few in the fridge. How many do you need?

_Ross opens the refrigerator to look for eggs._

Annette: I'm not sure, Joey asked me to come grab some. He's cooking breakfast for us.

_Ross turns from the fridge to her with a shocked look on his face._

Ross: Joey? OUR Joey?

Annette: Yeah. Why, is that not a normal thing?

Ross: In all the time I've known Joey, he's never once COOKED anything. Ate what others cooked that wasn't tied down, yes. But cooked? No.

Annette: Well, I think it's a sweet gesture.

_Emma holds out her arms to Ross._

Emma: Dada.

_Ross lifts Emma out of her highchair, and holds her in his arms._

Ross: Do you wanna watch TV, sweetheart?

_Emma nods. Ross turns on Sesame Street, and sits Emma on the couch. Enter Rachel from their bedroom, in her pajamas._

Annette: Morning, Rachel.

_Rachel grunts, as she walks over to the coffeepot. Ross walks over to the refrigerator._

Ross: She's not much of a morning person, until she's had coffee. Anyway, here's those eggs Joey wants.

Annette: Thanks. I hope he didn't burn down the apartment, trying to cook us breakfast.

_Rachel looks up with a shocked expression._

Rachel: JOEY'S cooking breakfast?

Annette: Yeah.

Rachel: We're talking about Joey TRIBBIANI, right? The same Joey?

Ross: Yeah, that was my question to her too, hon.

_Joey runs into the apartment, panting._

Joey: Hey Ross, do you have a fire extinguisher?

Ross: No. Why?

_Joey's smoke alarm starts going off._

Joey: Uh...no reason.

_Scene ends and opens in Central Perk. Mike and Phoebe are sitting on the couch. Ross and Rachel are sharing the armchair. Joey is sitting in the chair at the end table. Annette walks over with several cups of coffee._

Annette: Okay, we have two lattes for Mike and Joey, a decaf for Phoebe, and two regulars for Ross and Rachel.

_Annette turns to Joey._

Annette: Oh, and the muffins will be up in a few minutes.

Joey: Thanks.

Mike: Why don't you join us for a few minutes? I wanna hear about how this job is for you.

Annette: Oh, I can't. We're not allowed to sit with customers while on shift. Gunther said something about the "Rachel" rule?

_Rachel blushes, and hides her face in her coffee cup. Ross, Phoebe, and Joey look at her with bemused looks. Joey turns to Annette._

Joey: Oh, hey, I scheduled you an appointment to meet with my agent when you're off work today.

Annette: Thanks, Joey! Do I need to change at all, before we go?

Joey: Nah, I think you'll be fine with that.

Ross: Yeah, Joey went to see her in his bathrobe.

Joey: Hey, she still agreed to represent me, didn't she?

Phoebe: She thought you were dedicated to your art! She didn't know you forgot to put pants on!

Joey: I didn't forget, they were in the hamper!

Rachel: Joey, you used them as bedding for the chick and the duck. They were in the TRASH can after you were done. We had to buy you a new pair.

_Annette giggles, then looks behind her as Gunther calls to her._

Annette: Oh, the muffins are done. Okay, did you want the apple cinnamon, or the blueberry?

Joey: Yes.

Annette: Which one? Apple cinnamon, or blueberry?

Joey: Yes.

_Annette looks confused._

Rachel: Uh, honey, that means get both. If there's one thing Joey Tribbiani is good at, it's eating. He once ate the entire turkey at Thanksgiving when I was pregnant with Emma.

Joey: Proudest night of my life, too.

_Annette stares for a few seconds, then walks off to get the muffins. Scene ends and opens in Joey and Annette's apartment. Joey is sitting in the recliner, watching TV. Enter Annette._

Annette: Hey, Joey.

Joey: Hey.

Annette: What're you watching?

Joey: Oh, just some movie.

_Explosions are heard from the TV. Annette looks over._

Annette: Is that Die Hard? I LOVE that movie!

Joey: Really?

Annette: Yeah!

_Annette grabs a stool, and starts to scoot it over to the living room to sit down and watch the movie, but pauses in thought._

Annette: Hey, you know what we need?

Joey: What?

Annette: POPCORN. This is not the Die Hard movie experience without popcorn.

Joey: Oh, you're right!

Annette: There's a popper in my room, I'll fix some.

Joey: While you do that, I'll fix some sandwiches.

Annette: Sandwiches? Joey, we're fixing popcorn. How much more do we need?

Joey: Sandwiches and beer.

_Annette shakes her head, as she gets up and brings out an air popper, pouring popcorn seeds into it. Popper starts popping popcorn into the bowl. A few minutes later, she sits down with the bowl between them on the table, next to the sandwiches. Joey reaches over to get some, as the phone rings._

Joey: Hello?

_A pause. Joey groans._

Joey: Oh, no. I am SO sorry, we both forgot.

_A pause._

Joey: Yeah, we can come by tomorrow. Okay, bye.

_Joey hangs up, and turns to Annette._

Joey: Guess what we forgot to do?

Annette: Add salt and butter to the popcorn?

Joey: Oh man. Can today BE any worse for forgetting things? Besides that, we forgot to go see my agent today.

_Annette groans._

Annette: Damn you, Die Hard! And your good plot that mesmerizes people!

Joey: Don't worry, she'll meet with you tomorrow.

_Annette smiles._

Annette: Thanks, Joey.

Joey: Hey, no problem. That's what friends are-Oh, it's the TV dinner scene!

**(A/N If you haven't seen Die Hard, it's the scene where Bruce Willis comments "Now I know how a TV dinner feels.")**

_Joey and Annette turn back to the movie. Scene ends and opens in Monica and Chandler's house. Monica is vacuuming the carpets. Chandler is sitting on the couch, with Jack and Erica on both of his knees._

Chandler: You know what we should do?

Monica: What?

Chandler: We should have the gang over for a housewarming party.

Monica: Why?

Chandler: Monica, it's a PARTY. This gives you a chance to organize and host a PARTY. Are you telling me you're going to turn down the chance to do that?

Monica: No, of course not! It's just...well, this is a bad...damn it, Chandler! Now I have to start planning this out!

_Monica puts up the vacuum and leaves the room. Chandler smiles at the twins._

Chandler: And that, kids, is how you get Mommy to give you what you want. Tomorrow, we'll work on getting rid of her in a hurry.

_Monica sticks her head in the room._

Monica: I heard that!

Chandler (to the twins): And Daddy is now officially dead.

_Scene ends and opens in Mike and Phoebe's apartment. Mike is sitting on the couch, watching TV. Phoebe comes in from the bedroom, and snuggles up next to him on the couch._

Phoebe: Do you know what we haven't done in a while?

Mike: What's that?

Phoebe: Had a Date Night.

Mike: Hmm, you're right about that. Hey, remind me to talk to Joey tomorrow.

Phoebe: About what?

Mike: Annette. I'm sorry, Phoebe, I know he's your friend and all, but given his history with women...

Phoebe: Mike, you have to trust him. But if it'll make you feel better, I'll talk to him tomorrow about your concerns. But you have to admit, he's done a lot for her since she got here. And she seems really happy, too.

_Mike sighs._

Mike: I agree, it's just...I'm concerned for her. Honey, she IS my cousin.

Phoebe: I know. And she's family. But she's a big girl, Mike. We have to trust her. Like I said, I'll talk to Joey tomorrow.

Mike: All right. I love you.

Phoebe: I love you, too.

_Mike and Phoebe turn back to the TV. Scene ends and opens in Monica and Chandler's kitchen. Monica is standing by the counter, making a cole slaw. Enter Chandler._

Chandler: Getting ready for the party?

Monica: Yep.

_Chandler takes out a plate of hamburger patties._

Chandler: Did you marina-

_Chandler looks over to see Monica glaring at him._

Chandler: Never mind.

_Chandler puts the plate back in the refrigerator, and closes the door._

Monica: Honey, why don't you go get the grill prepped?

Chandler: Monica, it's a propane grill. All I have to do is turn the gas on, and press a button. It's so easy, Joey can do it.

Monica: Hey, that reminds me: has Joey seemed a little strange to you lately?

Chandler: Well, considering this IS Joey you're asking about, define "strange".

Monica: I mean, strange. Even for Joey. Rachel called me the other day to say he almost burned down the apartment complex trying to cook breakfast.

_Chandler stares._

Chandler: Joey was trying to cook breakfast? Since when was he able to operate a stove?

Monica: I think he's trying to impress Annette. You think he likes her?

Chandler: I don't know. I mean, it's JOEY. Since when does Joey not like a pretty woman?

Monica: Well, talk to him tomorrow, would you? I know Phoebe was going to, but I told her you would. Mike's concerned about Joey making a move on her, and hurting her when he's tired of the sex.

_Chandler nods._

Chandler: I'll see how serious it is. But still...Joey cooking BREAKFAST?

_Monica smiles, and walks over to kiss him. Scene ends and opens in Central Perk. Monica, Joey, and Rachel are sitting on the couch. Ross is sitting in the armchair. Phoebe and Chandler are sitting at the end table. Enter Annette._

Annette: Hey, everyone.

_Numerous greetings float back to her. Annette turns to Joey._

Annette: Your agent is amazing. She got me an audition for a Broadway play coming up in a month. Although for some reason, she thought I was recommended by someone named "Leon".

Joey: So when's your audition?

Annette: Tomorrow. I'm going in after I get off work.

Joey: Oh, okay.

Phoebe: Does Mike know yet?

Annette: No, I was about to call and tell him.

Monica: While you're at it, tell him that Chandler and I are having a housewarming party next week. We want you all to be there.

Annette: Really? Thanks, Monica!

Monica: Annette, you're a member of the group now. Of COURSE we'd want you to be there!

_Annette smiles, and pulls out her phone to call Mike. Chandler pulls Joey off to the side._

Chandler: Hey, man. I gotta ask you something, and it's not an easy thing to ask.

Joey: What's up?

Chandler: Well...

_Joey looks at Chandler._

Chandler: Can you bring some chips to the party?

Joey: Sure. What kind?

Chandler: Sour cream and onion.

_Joey makes a face._

Joey: Aw man, you know how much I hate those!

Chandler: I know, that's why it wasn't an easy thing to ask. The last thing I want is your breath to smell like a dirty Frenchman all day, either.

Joey: Very funny. Hey, can you come upstairs for a moment? I need your help with something.

Chandler: Okay. I don't wanna know what you're planning, but curiosity requires me to ask.

_Chandler and Joey exit to his apartment. Scene ends and opens in Joey and Annette's living room. A second identical recliner sits next to the table._

Joey: What do you think? Will she like it?

Chandler: Well, it's no diamond ring, but I'm pretty sure Annette's not going to object to a place to sit and put her feet up after a hard day's work.

_Joey grins._

Joey: I had a hard time tracking down an exact model of this one. Hey, thanks for helping me bring it up.

Chandler: I doubt those kids who wanted to do it were very happy when we hijacked their rope to haul it up the side.

Joey: Hey, we offered to get them ice cream!

Chandler: Yeah, Joe, I don't think a group of twenty-something college kids would be interested in ice cream.

_Joey walks over and opens the refrigerator._

Joey: You want a beer?

Chandler: Sure. And I'm willing to bet, so did those kids.

_Joey grins, and tosses a beer to Chandler. Chandler goes to sit in the new chair, but Joey hurriedly stops him._

Joey: No, not there! Sit on the couch!

Chandler: Why? It's a chair, what difference does it make?

Joey: Well...I want her to be the one to break that chair in. Remember when we first got the comfy chairs?

Chandler: Yeah, I don't think we moved for days.

Joey: I want her to have that experience. You know?

_Chandler looks at him._

Chandler: Joey, are you crushing on Annette?

Joey: Why?

Chandler: Well, the way you've been acting, for one. Cooking her breakfast, or at least attempting to...

_Joey looks sheepishly at Chandler._

Joey: Who told Monica?

Chandler: Rachel. And Phoebe said Mike is concerned about Annette, too.

_Chandler places a hand on Joey's shoulder._

Chandler: I'm not trying to be the bad guy, Joe. But given your history with women, I can see why Mike would be concerned. If you DO like Annette, just take things slow, all right? Don't rush anything.

_Joey nods._

Joey: Actually, it's nice to have someone here again. It's been a little...lonely since Rachel moved out. And I do like Annette, but I every time I think of making a move, I have this vision of Mike coming after me with a baseball bat. Tends to put an end to anything I'd try.

_Chandler smiles._

Chandler: I don't think Mike would come after you with a bat. Though I can't say the same thing about Phoebe...

_Joey nods in agreement, then whirls around at the sound of a key scraping the lock. He leaps across the apartment, and slams the door shut as Annette starts to open it._

Annette: Joey! What the hell are you doing?

Joey: You can't come in here right now!

Annette: Why not?

Joey: Because! Because...Chandler's in here naked!

_Chandler looks at Joey in anger. Joey shrugs._

Annette: Oh...kay. Well, I need my cell phone. I left it lying on the counter.

_Joey grabs the phone and hands it out to her._

Joey: Go to Ross and Rachel's place for right now. I'll come get you as soon as Chandler has his pants back on.

Annette: Joey, what are you hiding?

Joey: Nothing! What makes you think I'm hiding anything?

Annette: Because one of my ex-boyfriends tried this one time, when he wanted to propose to me.

_Joey makes a "help me out" motion to Chandler. Chandler sighs._

Chandler: No, Annette, I really don't have pants on. We're soaking them right now, because Chick Jr. decided to crap on them.

Annette: Oh. Okay, well just call me when you guys are done doing whatever it is you're doing in there.

Joey: We will.

_Scene cuts to the hallway. Ross and Rachel walk up, holding hands. Annette turns away from the door._

Rachel: Hi, Annette. I thought you were going home?

Annette: I was, but Joey locked the door. He and Chandler are planning something in there, and they won't let me in. You two mind if I stay at your place for a while, till they finish whatever it is they're up to?

Rachel: No, not at all. Actually, we were going to ask if you and Joey wouldn't mind watching Emma for a while tonight. Ross and I have dinner reservations.

Annette: I'd love to! What time?

_Ross looks at his watch._

Ross: In about an hour. You wanna come over now?

Annette: Yeah. Give me just a sec, there's one thing I wanna do quick.

_Annette turns back to her apartment, and bangs on the door._

Annette: Chandler, get your pants on & scram! We're having Emma over, and I don't want her scarred for life!

_Scene ends and opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Annette is sitting at the table with Ross, holding a cup of coffee._

Annette: You know, this is odd. I work at a coffee house, yet here I am, sitting in your kitchen, drinking coffee right now.

Ross: You wouldn't believe the number of times I've heard Rachel saying that when she worked there.

_Enter Joey._

Joey: Hey, Ross. How long till we need to have Emma over?

Ross: Actually, Phoebe offered to babysit, so you and Annette can do whatever it is you wanted to do tonight.

Joey: Cool. Do you have a hammer I can borrow?

Ross: Yeah. I don't know how long you need it for, but Rachel just went in to get changed.

Joey: Oh. So basically, we have a couple of hours.

Rachel (from bedroom): I heard that!

Annette: What are you two doing over there, anyway?

Joey: Nothing! Don't go over!

_Joey leaves quickly, slamming the door. Ross and Annette look at each other in confusion. Enter Rachel in a beautiful green gown. Ross turns to her._

Ross: Wow. You look amazing.

Annette: You really do. I'm jealous, I want an outfit like that.

_Rachel smiles. There is knock on the door. Enter Phoebe and Joey._

Phoebe: Hey. Oh, Rachel, you look gorgeous! You two are gonna kill them at dinner tonight.

Rachel: Thanks, guys. (to Ross) Are you ready to go?

Ross: Yep. Just need to get my phone.

_Ross exits to the bedroom. Joey turns to Annette, and hands her a blindfold._

Joey: Here, put that on.

Annette: Why?

Joey: That, or close your eyes.

_Annette glares at Joey, and puts on the blindfold._

Annette: If you stick any ice cubes down my shirt or I see a naked Chandler in any fashion, you'll be walking funny for weeks.

Joey: Well, I wasn't going to, but thanks for planting that idea in my head now!

Annette: Joey...

_Joey takes Annette's hand and leads her to their apartment._

Joey: Okay, you can take that off now.

_Annette removes the blindfold, and sees the new recliner with a sign sitting on it that says "Annette's". Annette gasps._

Annette: Joey! Oh my god...

Joey: Do you like it?

Annette: I LOVE it!

_Annette hugs Joey._

Annette: But why did you buy it?

Joey: Well, I didn't think it was nice to see you sitting on the stool to watch Die Hard, so I went out and found a match for my chair. It wasn't easy.

Annette: How much was it?

Joey: Don't worry about that. Hey, sit down! Try it out!

_Annette smiles, removes the sign and sits down in her chair, sinking into it in a relaxed state._

Annette: Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

_Joey sits in his chair._

Joey: OH yeah, that's the stuff!

_Annette looks over, and grabs the foot rest lever._

Annette: Joey? Do we dare?

_Joey looks over to see what she has, grabs his own lever, and nods._

Joey: We dare.

_They pull the levers. The foot rests come up, to groans of bliss. Louder groans are heard, as they kick back the reclining position._

Annette: I don't think I'm moving off this chair for the rest of the night.

_Enter Ross and Rachel._

Ross: Hey guys, we're taking off, so we thought we'd-

_Ross and Rachel see Joey and Annette kicked back in their chairs._

Rachel: Oh, not again!

_Credits appear on screen._

**CREDITS SCENE:**

_Monica and Chandler are sitting on the couch in their living room. The TV is playing How I Met Your Mother._

Chandler: Is it just me, or does that Barney guy remind you of Joey?

Monica: THANK you! I kept trying to think of who it was all night!

**(A/N Sorry this was late. As I stated last week, I ended up with a nasty head cold. I hope you all enjoy this week's episode. Also, a quick thanks to Boris Yeltsin and xstarrynight61, for the continued weekly support and well wishes, respectively.)**


	6. The One With The Prank War

_Scene opens in Central Perk. Ross and Rachel are sitting on the couch. Enter Annette._

Annette: Hey, guys.

Ross: Hey.

Annette: Rachel, can I borrow your earrings? You know, the ones with the little sapphires? I have an audition this afternoon.

Rachel: Oh, I loaned those to Monica for her dinner date with Chandler last night.

Annette: Damn, those would've matched my outfit perfectly. Oh, BTW, you guys might wanna cover your eyes in about 3...2...1...

Rachel: Why?

Annette: Topless Joey.

_Enter Joey topless, with his skin dyed a bright green._

Joey: VERY funny, Annette!

Annette: The Martians have landed!

_Joey glares at Annette and walks out, with "We Come in Peace" written on his back. Theme song plays._

_**So no one told you life was gonna be this way.  
Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's DOA.  
It's like you're always stuck in second gear.  
Well, it hasn't been your day, week, month, or even your year.**_

_**But, I'll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour.  
I'll be there for you, like I've been there before.  
I'll be there for you, cause you're there for me too.**_

_Scene opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Enter Rachel and Phoebe._

Phoebe: So Annette really dyed Joey's skin green?

Rachel: Yeah. Apparently, she poured lime Kool-Aid into the shower nozzle, then waited for him to go take a shower. It took Joey five showers over here before he got the dye out of his skin.

_Phoebe laughs._

Phoebe: Wait until Mike hears about that.

Rachel: I know, Joey's going to be so embarrassed.

Phoebe: Do you think they'll be ready for the housewarming party today?

Rachel: Yeah. Ross talked him into not getting back at Annette until after Monica's party.

Phoebe: Did you talk to Annette about holding off until afterward?

_Rachel nods._

Rachel: I explained to her about Monica's little quirks, and she agreed not to prank Joey until they got home. But I don't know how soon she'll be there, she had an audition this afternoon.

Phoebe: Oh. Well, I'm sure she'll make it.

_The door opens. Enter Ross with a shopping bag in his hands._

Ross: Hi.

Rachel: Hi, honey!

_Rachel walks over and kisses Ross. He sets the bag down on the counter._

Ross: So I talked to Joey, and he's promised not to prank Annette at the housewarming party. But just to be safe, I went over and cleaned out all the prank stuff in their apartment.

Phoebe: Is that all? That's not so bad.

Ross: That was just all the stuff JOEY had. There's three boxes in the hall full of Annette's prank gadgets.

Phoebe: Wow, three boxes? She must really like Joey.

Rachel: What do you mean?

Phoebe: Mike told me the other night that Annette was really big into pulling pranks and practical jokes on guys she really likes, when they were kids. If she still is, then I think Joey should feel honored.

Rachel: If I know Joey, he's thinking ways of getting her back, and making sure that Chandler doesn't find out about the Kool-Aid incident.

_Phoebe walks toward the door._

Phoebe: Well, I'm gonna go home and get ready for the party. I'll see you two lobsters later.

_Phoebe walks out, as Ross brings the boxes inside. Rachel goes over to with a smile, and kisses him deeply._

Rachel: Hey, you.

Ross: Hey, you.

_Rachel wraps her arms around his waist, and looks up at him._

Rachel: What do you say after the party, we drop Emma off at your parent's place, and have our own little party, just the two of us?

Ross: I would say...that sounds like a great idea.

_Ross leans in to kiss her, as the door opens. Annette starts walking in with circles around her eyes, but begins backing out._

Annette: Oh! I didn't know I was interrupting, sorry.

_Ross and Rachel stare at her._

Annette: What?

Ross: Are you related to raccoons at all?

Annette: No. Why?

_Ross and Rachel start giggling._

Annette: What?

Rachel: You, uh...you might wanna go check your make-up.

Annette: I'm not wearing any.

Rachel: Are you sure?

_Annette walks off to the bathroom, with a suspicious look on her face. A few seconds later, a scream resounds._

Annette: JOEY!

_Ross and Rachel burst out laughing as Annette walks out of the bathroom._

Annette: I am gonna KILL him!

_Ross stops her._

Ross: Just tell us before you go to jail: what happened?

Annette: He asked me to look at a billboard a few blocks down. There was some smaller print on it I couldn't make out, so he handed me a pair of binoculars.

Rachel (laughing): Well, you got him with the shower incident, and now he got you back. So you two can call a truce until after Monica and Chandler's party, okay?

Annette: All right. I'll take this stuff off, and not get back at him. Until we get home.

Rachel: Wait! Before you do...

_Rachel takes a picture on her cell phone._

Rachel: Christmas card.

_Annette glares at her, as she walks out. Scene ends and opens in Mike and Phoebe's apartment. Mike is putting on a shirt, as Phoebe walks into the apartment._

Phoebe: Hi, honey.

Mike: Hey.

_Phoebe kisses Mike, as she sets her purse down._

Mike: So, I just got a text from Rachel. Joey got pranked by Annette this morning?

Phoebe: Yeah, she made him dye his skin green. You can't tell Monica or Chandler about it. He'll die of embarrassment if you do.

_A pause._

Mike: So I take it you wanna tell Monica?

Phoebe: YES, please!

_Phoebe's cell phone starts ringing. She grabs it, and looks at the message on the screen._

Phoebe: Oh my god...

Mike: What?

Phoebe: Joey just got Annette back.

Mike: Oh, no. What'd he do?

_Phoebe holds her phone out._

Phoebe: See for yourself. And Rachel called dibs on telling Monica about this one.

_Mike looks at the screen, and sees the picture Rachel took of Annette. He starts laughing._

Mike: Joey's in trouble now.

_Phoebe starts laughing with him. Scene ends and opens in Monica and Chandler's house. Monica is in the kitchen, prepping food for the party. Enter Chandler._

Chandler: Where are the hamburgers and hot dogs at?

_Monica hands him two plates with the requested items. Chandler turns to the twins, who are in the bassinet near Monica._

Chandler: Behold, son! We are men, we must now cook this meat! Come, your birthright awaits!

Monica: Chandler! You're not taking Jack out to grill meat! He's too young!

_Chandler opens his mouth to reply, but is interrupted by the doorbell ringing. He goes over to open the door, revealing Ross, Rachel, Emma, Joey, Annette, Mike, and Phoebe. Chandler holds his hand up to Joey in a Vulcan greeting._

Chandler: I come in peace, space man.

_Joey glares at Chandler, as he walks in. Enter Monica._

Monica: Hey, guys!

_Monica looks at Joey and Annette._

Monica: No pranks while you're here. It's bad enough the twins are gonna be picking up Chandler's joke thing, I don't want them turning into pranksters as well.

Annette: I swear on Joey's sex life, I won't-

Joey: Wait, my WHAT? Swear on your own sex life!

Annette: Fine.

_Annette turns to Monica._

Annette: I swear on both our sex lives, no pranks while we're here.

Monica: Joey?

Joey: Fine. I swear on Ross and Rachel's sex life, I won't-

Rachel: NO. You are NOT getting us involved.

Chandler: Too late! Your sex life now hangs in Joey and Annette's hands. How does that make you feel?

Rachel: Like I wanna kill those two if they pull one more prank.

_Annette pulls out a joy buzzer and a can of itching powder from her jacket. Joey hands over a pack of gum._

Chandler: Gum?

Joey: Stains your teeth black. The guy at the joke shop said it'd be a guaranteed hoot.

Annette: What joke shop?

Joey: The one over on Fifth, on the corner.

Annette: Carlo's place?

Joey: Yeah. Why?

Annette: That bastard! He's been selling to both sides! That's where I got my stuff at. I'll hurt him later.

_Mike stares at her. Scene ends and opens in Monica and Chandler's living room. Ross and Rachel are sitting on the love seat. Monica, Chandler, and Annette are sitting on the couch. Mike and Phoebe are sharing the chair._

Mike: Oh man, I'm so full, I feel like I'm gonna burst if I take another bite.

Annette: Don't get any in my mouth, I'm out of room.

_Numerous groans fill the room._

Rachel: I feel like I'm pregnant again.

_Everyone turns and looks at Ross._

Ross: Don't look at me, I didn't do anything to her last night.

_Joey walks in from the other room._

Joey: Hey guys, I gotta take off. I have a date tonight.

_Annette looks up._

Annette: You have a date?

Joey: Yeah. Didn't I tell you this morning?

Annette: No, you never said a word about it.

Joey: Oh, right. Maybe because someone DYED MY SKIN GREEN.

_Annette giggles._

Joey: Anyway, can you feed the birds when you get home? I don't know how long I'll be out for.

Annette: Sure.

Joey: Thanks. Bye, guys.

_Halfhearted farewells follow him out. Annette looks over at Monica and Chandler._

Annette: Do you keep a forklift here? I feel like I need to be carried out on one.

Monica: If there was one here, I'd be on it right now, being carried to the kitchen. I don't know why I made that much food.

Ross: Those burgers you ate didn't help at all, Mon.

Monica: I only ate four of them.

Ross: You stacked them three high! Along with the cheese and condiments...

Monica: At least I stopped at four, Mr. Six Hot Dogs in three minutes.

Ross: That was Joey.

Monica: Oh, yeah.

Annette: I didn't think that was possible...that many hot dogs? That fast? Doesn't he have a gag reflex?

Phoebe: No. I've seen Joey eat gum from off the ground. OUTSIDE.

_Annette stands up._

Annette: Well, I'm gonna head for home before I run out of the energy to move. Ross, Rachel, do you two wanna split a cab back?

Rachel: No, we're gonna stay here, so Emma can spend some time with her aunt, uncle, and cousins.

Ross: What she means is, we're too lazy to move.

_Annette laughs, and walks out. Scene ends and opens in the hallway of apartments 19 and 20. Annette is standing off to the side of the door, easing it open. Seeing nothing spring out at her, she steps inside and turns on the light. Nothing is out of place._

Annette: Okay, Joey, I KNOW you left me a "surprise" somewhere. Where'd you hide it?

_Annette checks the living room, seeing nothing amiss. Scene cuts to the other side of Joey's bedroom door. Joey is standing next to it, with an ear to the door, silently laughing. Annette goes into her room to change for bed, turning off the light. A few seconds later, the bedroom light comes back on and she screams._

Annette: JOEY!

_Joey bursts out laughing, as Annette throws open the door to his bedroom._

Annette: WHY IS THERE A SNAKE IN MY BED?

Joey: Relax, it's a rubber snake.

Annette: It's a SNAKE! Get it out of there, NOW!

_The door bangs open. Ross is standing on the other side, panting._

Ross: Rachel and I were on our way up, when we heard screaming. What happened? Is everyone all right?

Annette: No, everyone is NOT all right! He put a snake in my bed!

Joey: It was a rubber snake!

Ross: Really, Joey? A snake?

Joey: Hey, it wasn't a spider, at least.

_Ross leaps onto the couch._

Ross: Spider? WHERE?

Joey: Ross, there's no spider, there's just a RUBBER snake in Annette's bed.

_Ross steps off the couch._

Ross: Joey, I swear if I see a spider, I will hurt you.

Annette: Can you go get that snake, please? I don't trust this bozo as far as I can throw him.

_She points to Joey._

Ross: Sure, hang on.

_Ross goes into Annette's room, and comes out with the rubber snake. Annette imitates Ross, and leaps up on the couch._

Annette: Get that thing away from me!

Ross: It's just rubber, Annette.

Annette: Ross, one word: Spider.

_Ross gets a fearful look on his face, and starts scanning the floor._

Ross: I think I'm gonna take this over to our place.

_Ross exits with the toy snake. A few seconds later, a scream is heard from his apartment._

Rachel: GET IT OUT, GET IT OUT, GET IT OUT!

_Ross walks back into Joey and Annette's apartment, and tosses the toy to Joey._

Ross: Get rid of it, or whatever you're gonna do with it. And if it shows up in our place again, you get to deal with Rachel.

_Joey takes the snake to his room, as Annette shuts off her bedroom light and closes the door. Scene ends and opens the next morning in Joey and Annette's apartment. Joey is in the kitchen in his bathrobe, pouring coffee. He reaches for the sugar bowl, spoons in two spoonfuls, and takes a sip. Joey suddenly grimaces, spits out his coffee, and pours it into the sink. He looks up to see Annette in her doorway in her bathrobe, with a smirk on her face._

Annette: Morning.

Joey: Salt in the sugar bowl. Cute.

_Annette grins, and walks into the kitchen to pour a cup of coffee._

Annette: I have no idea what you're talking about.

_Annette picks up the salt shaker, and sprinkles some of its contents into her coffee cup. Joey looks at her suspiciously._

Joey: You put the sugar in the salt shaker, didn't you?

Annette: I can neither confirm nor deny that accusation.

Joey: Well, you better get ready, if you're gonna get to that audition today. I have to get to the set, my coma patient's waking up today.

Annette: Okay.

_Annette goes into the bathroom, and closes the door. Joey smirks, as a few seconds later, the door is thrown open, showing a fuming Annette._

Annette: Saran Wrap on the toilet?

Joey: I have no idea what you're talking about.

Annette: Oh, this is WAR, Tribbianni!

_Joey grins, as she goes back into the bathroom. Scene ends and opens in Central Perk. Monica, Chandler, and Joey are sitting on the couch. Mike is sitting in the armchair. Annette walks over with coffee cups in her hands._

Annette: Here you go, guys.

_Annette grins evilly as she hands over Joey's._

Annette: And I made sure I gave extra care to yours, Joey.

Joey: Thanks.

_Joey waits until Annette walks off, then sets the untouched coffee cup on the table in front of him._

Chandler: What's up with that? I paid for that, drink it!

Joey: She laced it with salt.

Monica: Joey! She did not!

Joey: Then you taste it.

_Monica hesitates._

Monica: Well, I would, but...you know, you wanted it...

Mike: She didn't lace it.

Monica: YOU taste it, then.

_Mike hesitates, as well._

Mike: You know, I think I'm gonna get a muffin. Anyone besides Joey want one?

Joey: Hey!

Mike: I already know you want one.

Joey: Oh.

_Mike stands up, and walks over to the counter where Annette's standing at. Joey watches as they whisper back and forth. Mike walks back over a few minutes later with two muffins. He hands one to Joey._

Mike: Annette says enjoy.

_Joey sets the muffin down next to the coffee._

Monica: Okay, this has gone on long enough. I am putting a stop to it right now.

_Monica stands up, and starts walking toward the counter._

Mike: Monica, hold on.

_Mike follows her, and pulls her off to the side, whispering to her. Monica walks back a few seconds later and sits down, with a grin on her face._

Monica: On second thought, go right ahead and continue, Joey.

_Joey looks at them suspiciously._

Joey: What'd Annette and Mike tell you?

Monica: Nothing.

_Joey looks over at Annette, who is standing by the counter. Annette turns to Mike with a smile, and nods her head. Mike smiles, turns to Monica, and nods his head. Monica smiles, and whispers something in Chandler's ear. Chandler gets a grin on his face, and nods at Annette. Joey stands up._

Joey: I can't take it! Okay, you win, Annette! You win! I surrender!

_Annette walks over and pulls out a piece of paper from her pocket._

Annette: Can I get that in writing?

_Joey stares at her. Scene ends and opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Ross is sitting on the couch, watching TV. Enter Rachel._

Rachel: Hi.

Ross: Hey.

_Ross gets up, walks over and kisses Rachel._

Ross: How was work?

Rachel: An absolute drag. I kept having to fight the urge to leave early, so I could come home to see you and Emma. How was your day?

Ross: It was all right. Made arrangements with the museum for one of my classes, and talked to them about possibly going back there part time. Other than that, it's been pretty quiet. Emma's down for a nap, Joey and Annette are off at work, so that means we've got time to ourselves.

_Rachel smiles, and wraps her arms around his neck, as Ross wraps his arms around her waist._

Rachel: How do you propose we use that time, then?

_Ross pretends to think about that._

Ross: Hmm...how about you, me, a movie, and lots of cuddling?

_Ross leans in to kiss Rachel, but breaks off when the door opens. Enter Annette, with a tiara on her head._

Annette: Hey, guys. I just thought you might wanna hear the news from the source: Joey surrendered to me in the prank war.

Rachel: What's with the tiara?

Annette: Oh, that's to show off that I'm the queen. Look, I even got his surrender in writing.

_Annette hands over the paper. Ross and Rachel look at it._

Ross: Annette, that's an order for three blueberry muffins from the coffee shop, and the word "GOTCHA!" written in capital letters.

Annette: What?

_Annette takes back the paper, and sees that Ross is right. She whirls around and leaves the apartment._

Annette: JOEY!

_Credits appear on screen._

**CREDITS SCENE:**

_Scene opens in Central Perk. Chandler is sitting on the couch. Ross is sitting in the armchair. Enter Joey._

Joey: Hey, have you guys seen Annette?

Chandler: No. Why do you wanna know?

Joey: Because I don't wanna be looking over my shoulder right now. I rented The Terminator tonight, figured I'd ask if she wanted to bury the hatchet and watch it with me.

Ross: She went out with Phoebe and Mike tonight.

Joey: Thank God.

_Joey sits down next to Chandler on the couch. A loud farting noise is heard. Joey reaches underneath the cushion, and pulls out a Whoopee cushion._

Chandler: But that doesn't mean pranking you isn't fun for me.


	7. The One With World of Warcraft

_Scene opens in Central Perk. Ross and Rachel are sitting in the armchair. Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe are sitting on the couch. Joey and Mike sitting in the chairs at the end table. Annette is standing behind the couch._

Chandler: Did you guys hear about the new expansion for World of Warcraft?

Joey: Yeah, isn't that the thing that Monica was yelling at you about the other day? Something about you spending more time with that game than her?

Chandler (sarcastically): No, that was Hello Kitty that I was playing last week.

_Joey looks over to Monica, confused._

Joey: You did?

Monica: No, Joey. Sarcasm.

Chandler: You guys should try it out. It's pretty good.

Ross: I don't know, Chandler. Aren't those games rather addictive?

Chandler: For some people. But I thought Rachel might enjoy it, because the professions stuff you can do in it. Kinda like fashion.

_Rachel's head perks up._

Rachel: Fashion? What do you mean by fashion?

Chandler: Well, one of the professions is that you can make clothes-

Rachel: Give me all the info on this game! We'll meet you in there tonight.

Ross: "We"? Rach, you know those kind of games are really addi-

_Rachel clamps a hand over Ross's mouth. _

Rachel: Seven sound good?

_Ross looks over an Chandler with an annoyed look in his eyes. Theme song and title sequence plays._

_**So no one told you life was gonna be this way.  
Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's DOA.  
It's like you're always stuck in second gear.  
Well, it hasn't been your day, week, month, or even your year.**_

_**But, I'll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour.  
I'll be there for you, like I've been there before.  
I'll be there for you, cause you're there for me too.**_

_Scene opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is sitting at the table, the laptop computer open in front of her. Chandler is standing next to her, walking her through the loading screen for World of Warcraft. Ross is sitting on the couch, watching TV._

Chandler: Okay, so the first thing you're gonna want to do is pick your side. I play mainly on the Alliance side, which is these guys in the blue area.

_Rachel mouses over a female Night Elf._

Rachel: Oh, she's pretty! I love her gown. I'm playing her.

_Chandler looks at her class selection._

Chandler: Okay, so you're a female Night Elf Priest. What's your name?

_Rachel looks at him._

Rachel: You've known me for eleven years, and you NOW ask me that?

Ross: I think he meant your character's name, honey.

Rachel (defensively): I knew that!

_Rachel thinks for a moment, then types in "Arabella". The game loads in a clearing surrounded by trees and different creatures. A Night Elf stands nearby with a yellow ! above his head._

Chandler: Okay, now run over to that guy, and click on him.

Rachel: Why, what does he do?

Chandler (sarcastically): He gives you sugar cubes to tame a pony named Sprinkles.

_Rachel's toon runs over to the Night Elf._

Rachel: You liar! He gave me a bunch of writing!

Chandler: That's a quest. You need to do it.

Rachel: Why? What happens?

Chandler: You gain XP, money, and can level up.

Rachel: Oh. Okay.

_Scene ends and opens in Central Perk. Monica, Phoebe, and Mike are sitting on the couch. Ross and Rachel are sharing the armchair. Chandler, Joey and Annette are sitting on the chairs at the end table. _

Rachel: You guys should play this game! It's amazing! I was up until about one in the morning playing!

Ross: No kidding. You woke me up when you came to bed.

Rachel: I made it up to you, didn't I?

Joey: I'll say you did. It woke us up.

Ross: Well, getting a finger in the eye hurts.

Rachel: I told you to hold still!

Annette: I'm surprised you didn't wake up Emma.

_A pause._

Ross: Yeah, she slept through it.

Monica: She did?

Rachel: Yes!

Annette: So why did I hear Baby Got Back coming from your apartment last night at two in the morning?

_Ross and Rachel share an embarrassed glance._

Rachel: Anyway, Chandler and I are going to Wailing Caverns tonight. Who's coming with us?

Ross: Yeah, see, I have papers to grade-

Rachel: You're going.

Chandler: Rachel, you do know that's a five-man dungeon, right?

Rachel: Is it? Crap! Okay, so there's you, me, Ross...

Ross: Why am I going?

Rachel: Because I said so. And because you love me.

Annette: You still need two more people, Rach.

Rachel: Well, you and Joey can join us.

Joey: We don't have computers.

Annette: Yet. Come on, Joey, we need to go shopping!

_Annette grabs Joey's hand and drags him out the door._

Monica: Why didn't you ask me to join you?

Chandler: Because you hate that game. Remember the other day, when you called it "an incredible waste of time and money"?

_Monica throws a muffin at him._

Monica: You still could've asked me!

Chandler: Okay, do you wanna play?

Monica: No. But I'm glad you asked.

Ross: Wait a minute. I don't have an account, or a toon.

Rachel: Yes, you do. I made you an account last night, got you a Hunter, and leveled you up to us, so you can play. You're welcome.

_Ross looks at her with an exasperated look on his face, and turns to Monica._

Ross: If I'm getting dragged into this, so are you.

_Phoebe turn to Mike._

Phoebe: Mike...

Mike: Don't even say it, we're going computer shopping, too.

_Mike and Phoebe leave._

Rachel: Yay, we'll all be in the game together! And since Chandler made that mage for Monica last night, we can all go soon!

Monica: He WHAT?

Chandler: Oh, look at the time! I gotta go!

_Chandler stands up to run out the door. Monica grabs his arm and yanks him back into his chair._

Monica: You dragged me into that game without even asking me?

Chandler: I asked you last night, while you were vacuuming the carpets!

Monica: I wasn't paying attention! You know you could have asked me if you could let a Saint Bernard track mud across the kitchen, and I would've said yes!

Chandler: But you still agreed!

Monica: Chandler!

Rachel: Come on, Monica, it'll be fun! Ross is going to play.

Monica: Only because you're forcing him to.

Rachel: Putting that aside, he's still playing. So come on, join us.

_Monica sighs._

Monica: Fine. But if I don't like it, I'm not playing again.

Chandler: Deal.

Monica: AND you're clean-you're watching the twins all weekend.

Chandler: Why?

Monica: Because I said so.

_Chandler glares at Monica. Scene ends and opens in a computer store. Phoebe and Mike are browsing the computers. Annette and Joey walk up to them._

Annette: Hey, guys! What're you doing here?

Phoebe: Oh, just shopping for a computer. We decided we needed one for our apartment.

_A pause._

Annette: Warcraft?

Phoebe: Yeah.

_Joey looks over at Mike._

Joey: Did you decide to come, or did she drag you here?

Mike: We're married! And a marriage is all about mutual cooperation.

Joey: So she dragged you here?

Mike: Pretty much.

Phoebe: What are you two doing over here, though?

Annette: We just got a notebook and came over to look into a tower. We just didn't know you'd be here.

Mike: Annette, how are you paying for all of this, anyway?

Joey: Well, the notebook was my idea. I always wanted one of those. Chandler kept bragging about how good it is.

Annette: And since I want a tower, we came over here to look at them. I didn't know you two were looking at computers, though.

Mike: Me either, till Phoebe dragged me here. But Annette, you didn't answer my original question: how are you paying for all of this?

Annette: Sugar daddy.

_Annette bats her eyelashes at Joey. Mike tenses up._

Mike: WHAT?

_Annette laughs._

Annette: Easy, Mike. I was kidding. I have some money from when I was in Chicago still saved. I can afford a computer.

_Mike relaxes._

Mike: Well, we go ours picked out. What else do we need?

Annette: Copies of the game. Why don't you two get them?

_Mike turns to Joey._

Mike: Feeling like you're married?

Joey: Yeah, with none of the benefits.

_Mike grins, as they walk off. Scene ends and opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Rachel are sitting at the table. Ross and Chandler are sitting on the couch._

Chandler: Rachel, when did you wanna head into the Wailing Caverns?

Rachel: As soon as Joey and Annette get home. We still need another DPS for that place.

Monica: Uh, Chandler, did you forget we only have one computer at our house? I can't play with you guys.

Chandler: Yes, you can. I got a notebook computer for you, as well.

Monica: How? We don't have any spare money!

Chandler: Well, you remember the college funds we set up for Jack and Erica?

_Monica glowers at him._

Chandler: I'm kidding, it was put on a credit card. Either way, you have one now.

Monica: And you're going to have to wait an hour or so to play, both computers are at home.

Chandler: Not true! Rachel?

_Rachel stands up and walks into her bedroom. She comes out a minute later with Chandler's computer bag. Chandler opens it and takes out two computers._

Rachel: We stashed them here earlier, so we could have a small party here tonight.

Monica: YOU'RE gonna host a party?

_Rachel brings out a bowl of chips and a two liter of soda._

Ross: You two planned this out, didn't you?

Rachel: No! What makes you think that?

Ross: Where's Emma?

Rachel: At my mom's for the night. Gives us all some quality time together.

_Monica turns to Chandler._

Monica: You left Jack and Erica with my parents, didn't you?

Chandler: Well, they said they wanna spend more time with the grandkids...

_Monica opens her mouth, but is interrupted by the door opening. Enter Annette and Joey._

Annette: Hey. We got our computers and our accounts set up. Which one of us do you want?

Chandler: Well, we need another DPS.

Annette: Oh. I rolled a Druid, and Joey rolled a Death Knight. Even though I TOLD him a Death Knight was too high to go to there...

Joey: What? He's a 58, I can go in that place!

Chandler: He's too high to go with us, Joe. And since when did you have a toon that was high enough to allow you to make a Death Knight?

_Joey looks uncomfortably at Chandler._

Joey: I, uh, used to dabble back in the game's early release.

Chandler: YOU played World of Warcraft?

Joey: It was for this girl I was dating at the time.

Chandler: So why didn't you just make a new toon to go with us?

Joey: I thought Annette was going with you guys. So I figured I'd take Phoebe and Mike in there.

_Chandler turns to Rachel._

Chandler: You know, that's a really brilliant idea, even for Joey.

Rachel: I know! Why didn't we think of that?

Annette: I'll meet you guys in there, I have to go back to our place.

Rachel: Why?

Annette: Because my tower is over there.

Joey: Well, if you want, you can use my computer. I'll use yours to take Mike and Phoebe in tonight.

Annette: Thanks, Joey!

_Annette hugs Joey tightly, as Mike and Phoebe walk in._

Mike: Whoa! Sorry, didn't mean to interrupt your quality time.

_Annette hastily pulls back._

Annette: Sorry. I'm gonna go get your computer, Joey.

Phoebe: I'll go with you.

_Phoebe follows Annette out the door, to her and Joey's apartment._

Phoebe: You are so smitten.

Annette: What? Oh, I am not!

Phoebe: Oh, whatever. You are SO the smitten kitten. It's so obvious.

Annette: I am not! And even if I was, Joey doesn't like me that way.

Phoebe: Yes, he does. It's obvious to everyone that you two are smitten with one another.

Annette: Phoebe, I've been living with him for a month! That's not even close to enough time to know if you love someone or not. Besides, if you wanna see love, look at Ross and Rachel.

Phoebe: Don't compare yourself to them, those two are lobsters.

_Annette stares at Phoebe._

Annette: Lobsters?

Phoebe: Yeah. It's a known fact that-

_Annette holds up her hand to stop Phoebe._

Annette: Don't. If you start explaining it, I won't remember.

Phoebe: Either way, those two are meant for one another. Don't compare you and Joey to them. But you two are smitten with one another.

Annette: If that's true, then how come Joey hasn't made a move on me yet?

Phoebe: Because Mike's concerned about you. Joey doesn't have the best history with women, so we had Chandler see how serious he is about you. I guess the threat of Mike or me going after him with a bat has made it so he doesn't wanna take a chance.

_Annette laughs._

Annette: He'd have to worry more about me than either one of you. But we can talk about Joey and me later, I have to go back over and help those guys with their dungeon. Joey said he'd take you and Mike, if you wanna go.

Phoebe: How? I thought you and Joey just got started.

Annette: Yeah, against my better advice, Joey rolled a Death Knight.

Phoebe: Don't they start out at level fifty-five?

Annette: Fifty-eight, when you finish the starting quests for them. He said he rolled it to help you two out tonight, since we're gonna be busy.

Phoebe: Wow, that's pretty deep thinking, even for Joey.

Annette: You know, that's exactly what Chandler and Rachel said.

_Phoebe laughs, as they walk out. Scene ends and opens in Central Perk the next day. Chandler, Monica, and Annette are sitting on the couch. Ross and Rachel are sharing the armchair._

Chandler: I swear to God, if I EVER find out who was playing that Rogue last night, I am gonna break their fingers!

Annette: I couldn't believe it. Five of us, and they STILL managed to beat us all down!

Monica: Well, it didn't help that Ross was spending half his time healing his pet.

Ross: Hey, I'm Beast Master specced. Half my DPS comes from my pet! It dies, I lose a lot of DPS. And I didn't see you doing much, besides showering us all in a blizzard.

Monica: It's an AoE attack, it was SUPPOSED to deal damage no matter where they ran off to!

Rachel: Why was everyone dying so fast, anyway?

Chandler: They had their daggers coated in poison. Sapped our health.

Annette: Well, I'm respeccing Resto tonight. NO ONE kills me, then does the Chicken Dance on my body!

Rachel: So when are we all going to go back in and kill them?

Ross: Why am I being forced into this?

Monica: You CANNOT tell me you're not mad at that person for killing you three times in a row, and then laughing about it!

_Ross thinks on that._

Ross: Let's go get them right now.

_Numerous agreements are heard, as everyone gets up and leaves. Scene ends and opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Night has fallen. Monica, Chandler, Ross, and Annette are sitting at the table. Rachel is heard from Emma's room, singing Baby Got Back._

Monica: They beat us again! How many times does that make it now?

Annette: I don't wanna think about counting that high. Because if I do, I'll throw my computer out the window.

Ross: Two healers, me and Monica on them, and they STILL beat us all! They have to be cheating somehow.

Chandler: I'll tell you one thing. This isn't over, not by a long shot. One way or another, that Rogue is going down.

_Rachel enters from Emma's bedroom._

Rachel: Well, I just got Emma to sleep, so we should be able to do whatever we want for the rest of the night.

Chandler: We were talking about that Rogue.

Rachel: Don't even get me started on that.

Annette: Okay, I know this is a weird question to be asking, but WHY were you singing Baby Got Back to her?

_Ross and Rachel share an embarrassed look._

Rachel: Well, shortly after she was born, Ross was singing that to her one night, when she was being fussy. He discovered that it made her laugh, and we use it now as a lullaby to get her to go to sleep.

Annette: So you DID wake her up last night!

Ross: I didn't.

Rachel: You were the one screaming.

Ross: You poked me in the eye!

Rachel: I told you to hold still, didn't I?

_Ross starts to reply, when the door opens. Enter Phoebe and Mike._

Phoebe: Hey.

Ross: Hey, guys.

Mike: Have you guys been having trouble with a Rogue killing you near the Wailing Caverns entrance?

Chandler: They got you too, huh?

Phoebe: Yeah. The only one they haven't gotten, as far as I know, is Joey.

Annette: That's because Joey's running around on a level fifty-eight toon! He's untouchable.

Mike: Well, we went over last night, because Joey didn't log on.

Annette: Oh, he was off at a cast party for Days of Our Lives. I was supposed to tell you, but we got caught up fighting that Rogue. Sorry.

Mike: Yeah, we ran into them while we were looking for the entrance. They fight dirty.

Phoebe: Who are they?

Monica: We don't know. But whoever they are, they got us six times last night. It was bad.

_Enter Joey._

Joey: Hey.

_Phoebe turns around and hits Joey._

Joey: OW! What was that for?

Phoebe: Because we got killed last night waiting for you! Why didn't you tell us you had a cast party?

Joey: Annette was supposed to tell you!

Annette: Yeah, I forgot to.

Joey: Well, thanks for that.

Annette: I'm sorry, but I was getting killed and mocked by a Rogue. That kinda took priority.

Phoebe: She's got a point, Joe.

_Joey nods in agreement, as Annette stands up._

Annette: I'm gonna go home, get some sleep. I have to work tomorrow. But as soon as I get off, it is game on with that sucker! SOMEHOW, they're going down.

Joey: Yeah, I'll go with you.

_Annette and Joey leave and enter their apartment. A loud crunching noise is heard under Annette's foot. She screams._

Annette: WHAT DID I JUST STEP ON?

_Joey looks down, and gets upset._

Joey: You stepped on my egg roll!

Annette: Well, I didn't know I was supposed to be looking for Chinese food on the floor! I thought it was one of the birds!

Joey: Just put it on a plate, and go.

Annette: Why is there even Chinese food on the floor to begin with?

Joey: It fell off my plate earlier when I was getting a beer.

Annette: Wait a minute. If that was an egg roll I stepped on, where are Chick and Duck Jr. at?

_A quacking noise is heard from Annette's room. She walks over, and opens the door. Chick and Duck Jr. wander out. Joey picks up Duck Jr., as Annette picks up Chick Jr._

Annette: Hey Joey, do you ever get the feeling we're a family?

Joey: What do you mean?

Annette: You, me, and the birds. It's like we're the parents, and they're the kids.

Joey: You know something? You're right. We're not even dating, but we ARE a family. And I don't think I'd trade it for anything.

_Joey and Annette smile at each other, as the birds chirp in their hands. Credits roll._

**CREDITS SCENE:**

_Scene opens in Monica and Chandler's living room. Chandler is sitting on the couch, with only the glow of the computer monitor lighting up the room._

Chandler: All right, you damn Rogue, let's see how well you do now!

_Scene shifts to the outside of Monica and Chandler's house. Chandler is heard screaming._

Chandler: WHO ARE YOU?

_Scene shifts to the monitor of the Rogue beating up the gang. Long, red fingernails are tapping on the keys. Camera pulls back to reveal the back of a woman's head. A familiar, annoying laugh is heard._

**(A/N Ten pts if you can guess who that is. :P Sorry if this episode feels off to you, readers. I have a school project worth 25-30% of my grade due today, & I pulled this unfinished one off the back burner to do. If you play any MMOs, feel free to say Hi. I'm on WoW (Lightbringer), DCUO (Brave New World, both sides, New Frontier, hero side), & STO. I'll have a fresh one for next week, provided the finals aren't then.)**


	8. The One With The Pillow Fight

_Scene opens in Monica and Chandler's bedroom. Monica is asleep. Chandler is sitting in bed, typing on his computer. Monica wakes, rolls over to look at him, and groans._

Monica: Chandler, it's three in the morning. Go to sleep.

Chandler: Not until I figure out some way to beat that damn Rogue.

Monica: Honey, it's been a week since the fight. Let it go.

Chandler: No. Whoever it is, I WILL have them begging for mercy. No one does the Chicken Dance on my corpse and gets away with it.

_Monica groans as she gets out of bed, grabs her pillow and a blanket, and heads for the door._

Chandler: Where are you going?

Monica: To sleep in the street. The traffic will be quieter.

_Chandler stares at her as she walks out of the bedroom. Theme song and title sequence plays._

**So no one told you life was gonna be this way.  
Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's DOA.  
It's like you're always stuck in second gear.  
Well, it hasn't been your day, week, month, or even your year.**

**But, I'll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour.  
I'll be there for you, like I've been there before.  
I'll be there for you, cause you're there for me too.**

_Scene opens in Central Perk. Ross and Monica are sitting on the couch. Annette walks over with three coffees. She hands one to Ross and Monica, and sits on the armchair._

Annette: Mon, you look like crap. Have you been getting any sleep at all?

Monica: No. Chandler's been keeping me up every night for the last week.

Annette: Oh, that Rogue business?

Ross: How did you know about that?

Annette: Because he called Joey at two in the morning three days ago, talking about it. It woke me up, and kept me up until four.

Monica: Has Rachel been obsessing over that Rogue at all?

Ross: No, she's been busy trying to keep up with Emma. She discovered how to open the cabinets, so we're toddler-proofing the apartment. It's a lot tougher than we thought it'd be.

_Monica laughs at Ross's statement. Ross glares at her._

Ross: Laugh now, Mon. But all we're doing is toddler-proofing an apartment for one kid. Wait until Jack and Erica are Emma's age. You have a whole HOUSE to do.

_Monica stops laughing, and gets a panicked look on her face._

Monica: Oh my God, you're right! I have to get started on that now!

_Monica runs out the door._

Annette: Well, that's one way to get rid of someone. Remind me to use that on my next bad date.

Ross: Speaking of bad dates, how are things with Joey?

Annette: How does talking about bad dates remind you of my roommate?

Ross: You haven't known Joey as long as I have.

_Annette laughs._

Annette: We're good. That Broadway audition didn't pan out for me, but I'm sure something will come up. He's been talking to the producers of Days of Our Lives for me, but so far, that's a no go.

Ross: What about your agent?

Annette: Same issue. So, I guess I keep working here till something comes up. It's not so bad. I've worked worse jobs, and Gunther isn't as bad as people make him out to be. In fact, we're having dinner tonight.

_Ross looks at Annette with a shocked expression._

Ross: You're going on a date with GUNTHER?

Annette: Yeah, that's what I just said.

Ross: WHY would you do that?

Annette: One, he's a nice guy. And two, he asked me.

Ross: Does Joey know about this?

Annette: No. And I doubt he'd care, he's dating one of his co-stars. Didn't you notice the hot blonde he brought back to the apartment the other night?

Ross: Uh...No. The only blonde I have eyes for is Rachel.

_Annette looks around the coffee shop._

Annette: Ross, Rachel isn't here, you can answer truthfully.

Ross: No, I can't. This place has ears all over, and Rachel will find out what I said.

Annette: I'm not gonna say a word to her. But did you see the woman he was with, though?

_Ross nods._

Annette: Okay. Seeing him with a woman that hot, what makes you think he'd care if I went out with Gunther?

Ross: Uh...

_Ross looks at his watch._

Ross: Oh, look at the time! I have to go get Ben, I'll see you later.

_Ross stands up, and makes a hasty exit. Scene ends and opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is putting child-proof locks on the cabinets. Enter Ross with Ben._

Ross: Hi.

Rachel: Hey!

_Ross and Rachel kiss. Rachel turns to Ben._

Rachel: Hey, Ben!

Ben: Hi, Aunt Rachel!

Ross: Why don't you go put your things up in your sister's room?

Ben: Okay!

_Ben runs off to Emma's room. Ross turns to Rachel._

Ross: You're never gonna guess who Annette has a date with tonight.

Rachel: Who?

Ross: Gunther.

Rachel: Gunther? COFFEE SHOP Gunther?

Ross: Yeah.

Rachel: WHY?

Ross: According to her, because he's really nice, and he asked her.

_Rachel starts for the door._

Rachel: Keep an eye on the kids for a moment, will you? I'll be right back.

Ross: Where are you going?

Rachel: To beat some sense into Joey. And then when I'm done with him, Annette.

_Ross grabs her as she heads for the door, and wraps his arms around her. Rachel struggles to get loose and head for the door. Ben walks out of Emma's room._

Ben: Dad? Aunt Rachel?

_Ross and Rachel stop moving._

Rachel: Hi!

Ben: What are you two doing?

Ross: Uh...isometric exercises. New thing we learned about.

Ben: Oh. I thought you two were gonna start one of those hugging episodes Aunt Monica and Uncle Chandler talk about sometimes.

Ross: Nope! Just isometric exercises.

Ben: Okay.

_Ben wanders back into the room. Ross lets go of Rachel._

Rachel: Isometric exercises?

Ross: I panicked.

_The door opens, and Joey enters._

Joey: Hey, guys.

_Rachel smacks Joey._

Joey: OW! What was that for?

Rachel: You're supposed to ask Annette out! Do you know where she's going tonight?

Joey: No.

Rachel: On a date with Gunther.

Joey: COFFEE SHOP Gunther?

Ross: Did this apartment develop an echo?

Joey: Why is she going out with him?

Rachel: Because she says he's nice, and he asked her.

_Ross starts looking around._

Rachel: If you want Annette, you need to- you should- Ross, WHAT are you doing?

Ross: Looking for the echo area, so I can fill it.

_Rachel smacks Ross on the arm. Annette walks in._

Annette: Hey, guys.

Rachel: Hey.

Annette: Joey, are you going anywhere tonight?

Joey: Nope. You have fun.

_Joey walks past Annette, and leaves. Annette turns to Ross and Rachel._

Annette: What's with him?

Rachel: He found out about your date tonight with Gunther.

_Annette glares at Ross._

Ross: What? I didn't tell him.

_Annette glares at Rachel._

Rachel: No one said it was a big secret!

_Annette goes back to glaring at Ross._

Ross: You never said don't tell anyone!

_Annette grabs a pillow and starts beating on Ross. Rachel joins in, as Ben walks out of Emma's room._

Ben: Dad, can I...?

_Ben trails off, seeing his father being beaten on. Rachel answers him, without stopping._

Rachel: Your dad will talk to you in a bit, Ben. He's a little occupied right now.

Ben: Oh. Well, can I watch TV? Emma's asleep.

Rachel: Sure, go ahead.

_Ben sits on the couch and turns on the TV, as Ross tries to escape the pillows._

Ross: Ben, a little help, here!

Ben: Nuh uh, Dad! You're on your own. My moms taught me not to get in the way of a guy getting hit by two mad women.

Annette: Smart women.

Ross: Why are you hitting me? It's Joey you're mad at!

Rachel: Because you're here, and he's not!

_Annette and Rachel continue to beat on Ross as he runs out the door. Scene ends and opens in Mike and Phoebe's apartment. Phoebe and Mike are sitting on the couch, watching TV. Enter Annette._

Annette: Hi, guys.

Mike: Hey, what's up?

_Annette pulls up a stool, and sits down._

Annette: Well, I told Ross I had a date with Gunther earlier.

Phoebe: You did?

Annette: Yes. And before you ask why, because he's a nice guy and he asked me.

Mike: Wait, you're talking about Central Perk Gunther, right?

Annette: Did you two talk to Ross, Joey, and Rachel?

Mike: No. Why?

Annette: Because that's pretty much what they said.

Phoebe: So what did Joey say when he found out?

Annette: Nothing. He said "You have fun", and walked out. When I went back to our place to get ready, he was in his room. Didn't come out or anything, when I was leaving.

Phoebe: Really? That's not like him. I'm gonna go see him.

_Phoebe gets up to walk out._

Annette: I'm not sure if he's home. He had a date tonight with his co-star.

Phoebe: That's okay, I can call his cell phone.

_Phoebe walks out the door. Annette sits on the couch._

Mike: So how did the date go, anyway?

Annette: It was all right. I don't know why everyone knocks on Gunther, he's not that bad a guy.

Mike: Habit, I suspect.

Annette: You mind if I hang here till Phoebe gets back? I kinda wanna mess with Joey's head a little.

Mike (under his breath): There's a challenge...

Annette: What?

Mike: Nothing. I was just gonna watch TV, you can stay for a while, if you want.

Annette: Thanks.

_Annette turns to the TV. Scene ends and opens in Joey and Annette's apartment. Joey is sitting in the recliner, watching TV. Enter Phoebe._

Phoebe: Hey, Joey.

_Joey waves from his chair, not turning around._

Phoebe: What're you watching?

Joey: Baywatch.

Phoebe: What happened to Die Hard?

Joey: Didn't feel like watching it.

Phoebe: Are you all right? How was the date with the co-star?

Joey: I cancelled it. I decided I wasn't really that into her.

Phoebe: She already has a boyfriend, huh?

Joey: Worse. She's MARRIED.

_Phoebe winces._

Phoebe: Ouch.

Joey: Yeah, you're telling me.

_Phoebe sits down on the couch._

Phoebe: So why are you avoiding Annette?

Joey: I'm not. I was getting ready to go when she left. It wasn't until after she left that I learned my "date" was married.

Phoebe: You should ask her out.

Joey: Who? My co-worker? She's married, Pheebs! I just said that.

Phoebe: No, Annette!

Joey: Annette's married?

_Phoebe smacks Joey lightly in the head._

Phoebe: No, you should ask Annette out on a date!

Joey: What? No way!

Phoebe: Why not?

Joey: Well, for one thing, I don't want Mike getting mad at me.

Phoebe: Why would he get mad?

Joey: Because I'd be dating his cousin! What if things don't work out between us? He'd have cause to beat me up, or try to. And then there's you. If I did beat up Mike because he's mad at me for things not working out with Annette, you'd take his side, and be mad at me. I'd lose one of my closest friends, Phoebe. And that's not something I really wanna have happen.

_Phoebe stares at Joey, then leans over and hugs him._

Phoebe: Joey, I would NEVER hate you! You've done some odd things in the time I've known you, but I've never hated you. You found the best thing in my life for me, when you found Mike. You married us, right outside of Central Perk. Your one of my best friends, Joey, and I love you.

_Joey hugs Phoebe back._

Joey: Thanks, Phoebe. I love you, too. But I'm still not gonna ask Annette out.

Phoebe: If you don't, I'm gonna steal your copy of Die Hard until you do.

_Joey looks at her with a stricken expression on his face._

Joey: You wouldn't dare!

Phoebe: That, or I'll tell you the truth about Santa Claus.

_Joey covers his ears, and starts making noise._

Joey: LA LA LA LA LA LA LA, I CAN'T HEAR YOU!

_Phoebe smiles, and leaves. Scene ends and opens in Monica and Chandler's house. Chandler is sitting on the couch with his laptop open, surfing web pages. Monica sits down next to him, with the twins._

Monica: Honey, what are you doing?

Chandler: Attempting to contact Joey's people to let them know they left one of their kind behind.

_Monica glares._

Monica: You're not trying to figure out a way to take down that Rogue still, are you?

Chandler: This has gotten PERSONAL. That stupid Rogue has beaten me down every time I go near the entrance to that dungeon. I don't know who they are, but when I find some way of getting them, they are gonna pay dearly.

Monica: Chandler, they are just gonna beat you every time you go after them. Honey, it's time to let it go. Rachel isn't even going after them.

Chandler: She only quit for now because they need to toddler-proof the apartment. But as soon as that's done, she's dragging Ross back in to take that Rogue down.

_Monica sighs._

Monica: I suppose you're gonna drag me into this, too? I guess I better get into looking at what I'll need.

Chandler: No need. I did it already. All you need to do is point, click, & press buttons.

Monica: Chandler!

_Jack and Erica start crying. Monica sighs, and stands up._

Monica: Before you get too engrossed in getting your butt kicked again, can you help me change the kids' diapers?

Chandler: All right. And then after that, it's game on!

_Chandler takes Jack from Monica, and follows her out of the room. Scene ends and opens in Central Perk. Monica, Annette, and Chandler are sitting on the couch. Joey is sitting in the armchair. Ross is sitting on the chair at the end table. Rachel is sitting on his lap._

Chandler: Whoever wrote that guide is an idiot! That stupid Rogue STILL got me!

Ross: You're STILL on that?

Annette: You want me to come on and heal you next time you face them?

Chandler: No, this is between us now. Somehow or other, I WILL make them pay!

Rachel: So how far did you get their health down?

_Chandler mutters under his breath._

Annette: What? We didn't hear you.

Chandler: Ten percent.

Rachel: Wow, you got them down to ten percent?

Monica: No, he only took their health bar down BY ten percent, before he got his butt kicked again. Then he started jumping up and down and yelling obscenities at his computer. The neighbors thought Jack was having a tantrum, until I explained to them Jack was an infant.

Annette: Did you tell them it was your husband?

Monica: No, I told them it was my nephew that I was babysitting for my other sister.

Ross: Wait, we don't have another sister.

Monica: I know. But the neighbors don't.

Chandler: It didn't help matters that you were screaming instructions over my shoulder, you know.

Monica: I was cheering!

Chandler: Yelling "Go left! No, go right! Now hit them with your axe!" is not cheering, that's coaching.

Monica: Whatever it takes to get the job done.

_Chandler glares at her._

Annette: So what's your new plan?

Chandler: Stock up on potions, and learn some healing spells.

_Rachel looks at her watch, then stands up._

Rachel: Ben should be back from the movies with Joey soon. I'll go start supper.

Ross: Okay.

_Chandler and Annette stare at Rachel._

Rachel: What? I can cook now!

Chandler: Since when?

Monica: Since I taught her.

_Chandler turns to Monica._

Chandler: When was this?

Monica: The night Annette came to town, while you two were setting up the computer.

_Rachel sticks her tongue out at Chandler, and leaves. Monica smiles._

Monica: I'm gonna go help her, see if I can share that new recipe with her that I found. Besides, I need to call the sitter, see if the kids are all right.

_Monica gets up, and leaves._

Chandler: Okay, now that all the women are gone-

Annette: Hey!

Chandler: What?

Annette: I'm still here.

Chandler: Are you dating or married to anyone in this gang?

Annette: No. Well, not yet, anyway.

_Chandler turns to Ross._

Chandler: Now that all the women are gone, tell the truth: is her cooking really that good?

_Ross glances at Annette with a fearful look._

Ross (monotone): Her cooking is the best I have ever had, and I hope to share this with the world.

_Annette laughs, and stands up._

Annette: Ross, I won't tell Rachel anything you say. I'm not mad at YOU.

_She glares significantly at Chandler._

Annette: I'm gonna go upstairs, see about starting dinner for Joey and me, before he gets home.

_Annette starts to walk out, then stops and turns around._

Annette: By the way, Chandler, I talked to that Rogue earlier.

Chandler: Really? What'd they say?

_Annette smiles and walks out._

Chandler: What'd they say? Annette! WHAT'D THEY SAY?

_Chandler runs out after Annette. Scene ends and opens in Joey and Annette's apartment. Joey is standing at the stove, cooking dinner. Enter Annette._

Annette: Hey, Joey.

Joey: Hey.

Annette: What're you doing?

Joey: Cooking dinner.

_Annette stares at Joey in shock._

Joey: What?

Annette: I'm surprised you can cook. I remember my first week here, you burnt breakfast.

Joey: That's cause I was trying something elaborate to impress you. This time, I'm just cooking Hamburger Helper for us. Quick, simple, and doesn't require too much thought.

Annette: Or effort. I don't blame you, I'm tired, too.

Joey: Uh...yeah. Tired.

Annette: Why are you home so early, anyway?

Joey: Work finished early. So I figured I'd come home and start dinner. I thought you'd be at work or out with Gunther still.

Annette: Joey, I only had dinner with him. I'm not gonna date him, Gunther just isn't my type.

Joey: He's not?

Annette: No.

Joey: Well, uh...what IS your type?

_Annette pretends to think._

Annette: Well, let's see...he has to be hot, hold down a job, eat everything that isn't tied down to the counter...

_Joey glares at her. Annette laughs at the expression on his face._

Annette: I'm kidding. Actually, my type is he has to be loving, caring, not put everything before me-

Joey: What do you mean?

Annette: Well, like, HIS job, HIS family, HIS money, HIS car. I had an ex-boyfriend who did that. Kept putting everything of his before me and our relationship.

_Joey nods._

Annette: He also has to sweet, kind, be able to cook, and looks wouldn't hurt anything either. Oh, and not be a complete psycho stalker.

Joey: Sounds like a high standard to meet.

Annette: Maybe. And maybe someone already met it.

Joey: They did? Who?

_Annette smiles._

Annette: When I'm ready for them to know, I'll tell them.

_Joey turns back to the stove, shuts off the burner, and spoons some food onto a plate. He turns around, and hands it to Annette._

Joey: Here you go. Dinner fit for royalty.

Annette: Sure, if royalty lived off Hamburger Helper.

Joey: Who's to say they don't?

_Annette smiles._

Annette: Touché.

_Joey grins, as he dishes some more food for himself. Scene ends and opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Ross is sitting on the couch, holding a pillow and watching TV. Ben comes in behind him, hands behind his back._

Ben: Hi, Aunt Rachel!

_Ross jumps up and turns around, pillow up to start beating on Rachel. Ben laughs._

Ross: Oh, ha ha, Ben. Very funny.

_Rachel walks out of Emma's room, behind Ross, with her hands behind her back._

Rachel: Ross.

_Ross yelps, and spins around with the pillow in his hands._

Ross: Why does everyone insist on sneaking up behind me?

Rachel: Why are you holding a pillow?

Ross: Uh...I was pretending it was you, & snuggling with it on the couch.

Rachel: Aw, that's so adorable.

_Rachel looks at Ben._

Rachel: Now, Ben!

Ross: Wha...?

_Ben and Rachel bring their hands out from behind their backs, both holding pillows and start beating on Ross. Ross swings his at Rachel._

Ross: Ben, why are you siding with her?

Ben: Because Aunt Rachel promised ice cream!

Ross: I'll make it two scoops if you help me!

_Ben looks at Ross, then at Rachel. He starts beating on her with his pillow._

Rachel: Augh! No! Ben, we had a deal!

Ross: Sorry, Rach. Two scoops beats one any day of the week.

_Ben laughs and sits on the couch, as Ross and Rachel continue their pillow fight, chasing each other around the apartment. Sounds of laughter and screams follow them._

Rachel: Ross, no-you don't hit that-augh! Who taught you to aim?

Ross: Hey, no pillow there, that's-whoa, watch the picture-what'd they put in this thing, lead?

_Ross chases Rachel into their bedroom. Scene ends and opens in Central Perk. Joey and Mike are sitting on the couch. Annette is working at the bar._

Mike: Joey, you know how I'm really protective of Annette, and I asked the others to make sure you didn't try anything when she first came to town?

Joey: Yeah.

Mike: Well, I was wrong to jump to a conclusion that fast. If you wanna go after Annette, go ahead. Phoebe and I won't be chasing you down with any bats, I promise.

Joey: Thanks, Mike. But I'm not gonna do that right now.

Mike: What? Why not?

Joey: Well, Annette's new to the city. It's not right to take advantage of someone who just came here, and doesn't know many people yet.

Mike: According to Phoebe, you tried that with Rachel when she first arrived.

Joey: Yeah, and I know now that wasn't a good thing to do. Annette's been here for about a month now, Mike. She's a good person to live with, once she gets the jokes out of her system. And don't worry, she's got a second guy to protect her from the creeps in New York, now.

_Mike smiles, and claps Joey on the shoulder._

Mike: Thanks, Joey. I really appreciate you saying that.

_Enter Ross, with clothes looking disheveled._

Joey: What happened to you?

Ross: We took Ben and Emma to the zoo, before I took Ben back to Carol and Susan's.

_Rachel walks in, clothes disheveled as well._

Joey: Okay, now I don't wanna know what you two were doing.

Rachel: Taking the kids to the zoo, before Ross took Ben back and I took Emma to his parents.

Annette: Okay, so when a kid pops out in nine months, are we blaming the zoo for it, or the pillow fight you two were having?

Ross: You heard that, huh?

Joey: I think the whole complex heard you guys. If Treeger goes knocking on your door, don't blame us.

Rachel: Uh, Joey...are you talking about the pillow fight, or AFTER the fight?

Annette: If by "after", you mean when Ben came over with Emma, then yes.

_Joey holds his hand out to Mike, who slaps a bill in it._

Joey: TOLD you.

Ross: Told him what?

Joey: Nothing.

_Ross and Rachel stare at Joey. Enter Monica and Chandler._

Monica: Hey, guys.

_Monica sees Ross and Rachel, and holds out a hand to Chandler._

Monica: I called it, pay up.

_Chandler slaps a bill in her hand. Ross and Rachel look at them, over to Joey and Mike, then over to Annette who is texting Phoebe._

Ross: Okay, WHAT is going on?

Annette: Well, I was texting Phoebe to tell her that I owe her.

Ross: Why would you owe her?

Annette: Um...no reason!

_Rachel looks at Monica._

Rachel: Mon, what's going on?

Monica: Nothing!

Rachel: Chandler?

Chandler: I can't say, Monica would hurt me.

_Phoebe runs in, panting._

Mike: Honey, did you RUN all the way here?

Phoebe: Of course not! I only ran six blocks.

Mike: We only live nine blocks away!

Phoebe: I walked the first three.

_Phoebe turns to Annette, and holds out her hand._

Phoebe: Pay up.

_Annette slaps a bill in her hand._

Rachel: Phoebe, WHAT was this bet you all were making?

Phoebe: That you two would have sex after the pillow fight.

Ross: What?

Joey: Well, after Ben and Emma came over, we called the gang and started making bets.

Rachel: Why would you do that?

Chandler (sarcastically): Because we were bored, the Knicks weren't playing, and we needed something to bet on.

Rachel: Chandler?

Chandler: What?

Rachel: That Rogue is standing outside the door, waving in.

_Chandler whirls around, and runs out the door._

Chandler: Get back here, we have a score to settle!

_Gunther walks up to Annette._

Gunther: Can I talk to you for a moment?

Annette: Sure.

_Gunther and Annette walk off to a quiet spot._

Gunther: It was wrong of me to ask you to dinner earlier in the week. Co-workers shouldn't date, it leads to problems in the workplace. I want to apologize for what I did.

_Annette smiles._

Annette: It's all right. You're a great guy, no matter what they say. And I could always use a friend.

Gunther: Well, you got one.

_Gunther holds out his hand to her, and Annette shakes._

Gunther: I just hope you'll find a guy worthy of you here in the city. You're a good person, Annette.

_Annette looks over at Joey, who is laughing at something Monica said to Ross and Rachel, and smiles to herself._

Annette: You know what? I think I already have.

_Credits roll._

_**CREDITS SCENE**_

_Scene opens on the sidewalk outside Central Perk. Chandler runs up to a woman, and grabs her arm._

Chandler: All right, you damn Rogue, you and I have-

_The woman turns around, to reveal Janice._

Janice: Chandler BING!

Chandler: Good-bye, random lady I do not know.

_Chandler runs off in the opposite direction as fast as he can, back into Central Perk._

Chandler: Quick, everyone hide!

Monica: Why?

_Janice enters behind him._

Janice: OH! MY! GOD!

_Everyone except Mike and Annette groans, as Monica throws a muffin at Chandler._


	9. The One With Joey's Dream

_Scene opens in Central Perk. Joey and Ross are sitting on the couch. Phoebe is sitting on the armchair. Annette is sitting in the chair at the end table._

Joey: So I heard Chandler is hiding now.

Phoebe: From who? Monica or Janice?

Ross: Take your pick.

Annette: Who's Janice, anyway?

Joey: Someone who makes me wanna puncture my eardrums.

_Annette stares at Joey in confusion._

Phoebe: She was Chandler's ex-girlfriend.

Annette: Oh. Well, why does she make you wanna puncture your eardrums?

Joey: Because her voice is like nails on a chalkboard, and her laugh is just ANNOYING!

Annette: Joey! Be nice.

Ross: No, he's right, Annette. She is annoying.

Annette: How annoying?

Ross: You're about to find out.

_Janice walks in with a baby in her arms._

Janice: Joey, it's your turn to watch the baby today.

_Joey screams, and sits up in bed. He looks around his darkened room._

Joey: Oh, thank God, it was just a dream.

_A hand comes over his shoulder. Joey smiles, until Janice sits up behind him. _

Janice: I want you now, honey.

_Joey screams. Theme song and title sequence plays._

_**So no one told you life was gonna be this way.  
Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's DOA.  
It's like you're always stuck in second gear.  
Well, it hasn't been your day, week, month, or even your year.**_

**But, I'll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour.  
I'll be there for you, like I've been there before.  
I'll be there for you, cause you're there for me too.**

_Scene opens in Central Perk. Joey is sitting on the couch, eying the door. Chandler is sitting on the armchair. Ross is sitting in the chair at the end table. Annette is working at the counter._

Chandler: Joey, what are you doing?

Joey: Watching the door.

Chandler (sarcastically): Really. I never would have guessed that from watching you. WHY are you watching the door?

Joey: In case Janice walks through it again.

Chandler: You know, the man's got a point.

Ross: Yeah.

_Joey looks over, as the door opens and Janice enters. Joey, Chandler, and Ross quickly turn away from the door, hiding their faces in whatever magazines are on the table. Janice smiles and waves._

Janice: Hi, guys!

_Joey looks up._

Joey: Did you hear something?

Chandler: It sounded like a rusty nail being dragged across a cement block.

_Janice laughs, and turns to Annette._

Janice: Can I have a latte to go?

Annette: Sure.

_Janice turns back to the three, as Annette starts filling her order. She locks eyes with Gunther and makes the hangman's gesture behind Janice's back. Gunther looks over at Janice, back to Annette, gives her a small smile, and goes back to his order._

Annette: Here you go.

Janice: Thank you.

_Janice pays for her drink, and heads for the door._

Janice: Bye, guys.

_Joey replies without looking up._

Joey: Your voice is like nails on a chalkboard.

_Janice laughs, and leaves. Chandler cringes._

Chandler: And THAT is the screams of the damned in Hell.

_Scene ends and opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. The door opens, admitting Ross, Joey, and Annette._

Annette: Oh my god, you guys were right! UGH, I feel like my ears are bleeding from hearing that laugh!

Joey: Now you know why I woke up screaming.

Annette: I don't blame you.

_Rachel walks out of her room._

Rachel: Hey, guys. What's going on?

Annette: Are my ears bleeding?

_Rachel looks at Annette in confusion._

Rachel: No. Why?

Ross: We ran into Janice at the coffee shop.

_Rachel hugs Annette._

Rachel: You poor thing. I think even dogs howl at the sound of her laugh.

Annette: It wouldn't surprise me. They say animals can detect evil in any form.

_Annette turns to Joey._

Annette: Oh, Joey, who was that woman you were slipping out the door this morning?

Joey: What? I wasn't slipping someone out!

Annette: Yes, you were! I saw you do it this morning, when I got up. In fact, I think Chandler might know by now, too.

_Joey gets a horrified look on his face, and runs out the door. Annette smiles evilly._

_R_oss: Annette, what's going on?

Annette: Joey had a dream last night that he had a baby with Janice, then woke up to another dream that he slept with her. He doesn't know for sure if the second was real or not, so I'm gonna have some fun with him.

Rachel: Annette! That's evil.

_Rachel grins._

Rachel: I want in.

Annette: Ross? How about you? Do you want in?

Ross: I don't know. It seems rather mean...

Rachel: You won't tell Joey, will you?

_Rachel gives him the puppy eyes._

Rachel: Please?

_Ross sighs._

Ross: That's not fair of you. All right, I won't tell Joey.

Rachel: Thank you, sweetie.

_Rachel kisses Ross._

Ross: But I AM gonna tell Chandler.

Annette: Dammit! I wanted to tell him.

Ross: Too bad, I'm calling dibs on it. And there's no arguing with a time-honored tradition like dibs.

_Annette sticks her tongue out at Ross. Scene ends and opens in Joey and Annette's apartment. Joey is looking behind the couch to see if any article of female clothing is behind it. Enter Annette and Rachel._

Annette: Hi, Joey.

_Joey stands up and whirls around._

Joey: I wasn't doing anything!

Rachel: Joey, calm down! We both know you've had women here. I used to live with you, remember? But I do have one question for you.

Joey: What?

Rachel: Why was Janice leaving your apartment this morning?

_Joey gets a panicked look on his face, and runs out the door. Annette and Rachel burst into giggles._

Rachel: How long do you wanna keep this up for?

Annette: As long as we can. I hope Ross doesn't tell him.

Rachel: He might think it's mean, but I guarantee you he won't tell Joey.

Annette: I hope not. I haven't had this much fun in weeks.

_The door opens, and Joey walks in._

Joey: Are you SURE you saw Janice leaving? Ross said he didn't see anything this morning.

Rachel: Well, yeah, but Ross was dealing with Emma this morning. She was being a little fussy, because she stubbed her toe.

_Annette grabs her purse, and heads for the door._

Annette: I'll see you guys later, I have an audition this afternoon.

_Annette winks at Joey._

Annette: Bye, you big stud, you.

_Joey stares at her as the door swing shut, then turns to Rachel._

Joey: Okay, DID something happen? Because I can't be too sure.

Rachel: Why? Were you drinking last night?

Joey: No! But I DID have this dream that I slept with Janice. At least, I think it was a dream. I HOPE it was a dream.

Rachel: You don't remember if it was a dream, or not?

Joey: No.

Rachel: What if THIS is a dream, and you're dreaming the whole dream problem up right now?

_Joey pinches himself._

Joey: OW!

Rachel: What did you do that for?

Joey: To see if I'm awake.

Rachel: Yes, you're awake, Joey.

Joey: But what if I'm MAKING myself tell me I'm awake, through you? What if I'm really still asleep?

Rachel: If that was the case, then Chandler is going to come through that door asking if you really slept with Janice, right now.

_Joey looks at the door for a few minutes, then turns to Rachel._

Rachel: There, you see? You're awake.

_Joey nods, as Chandler bursts through the door._

Chandler: You slept with Janice?

_Joey gasps at Rachel. Scene ends and opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Annette, Rachel, and Phoebe are sitting at the table. Ross is sitting on the couch, watching a documentary._

Annette: THANK you, Rachel, for calling me for that little bit with Joey. Chandler couldn't wait to go busting in to mess with him. Although I'm starting to get concerned.

Ross: Why?

Annette: Well, he wandered into the coffee shop earlier wearing nothing but his shorts. Gunther tried to get him out, but he kept insisting it was his dream, his subconscious could stop telling him what to do.

_Ross turns around and looks at Annette and Rachel._

Ross: I think it's time you two came clean with him.

Annette: No, not yet! I'm having WAY too much fun with him right now.

Phoebe: Ross, you have to admit that Joey DID open himself up to this, when he told Annette about his dream. Besides, you don't have to be involved. Just sit back & watch the fun.

_Ross starts to turns back to his documentary as the door opens, and Joey enters in platform heel Dingo boots, white flare bell-bottom pants, a hot pink tank top, and loud print jacket. Camera pans over to the couch and table, showing the women struggling to contain their laughter, as Ross stares in disbelief at Joey._

Joey: Hi, guys.

Rachel: Joey...what is THAT?

Joey: My going-out clothes. You like?

_Rachel looks over at Annette, who's shoulders are shaking with silent laughter. She turns back to Joey._

Rachel: They're...unique, honey. I gotta say that.

Joey: Thanks. I know they're pretty good, but it's always nice to have me give praise for my fashion sense. Especially when it's Rachel representing me.

_Joey turns around and walks for the door._

Ross: Joey, you should go to Javu and show that to Monica. I'm sure she'd love it.

Joey: Hey, that's not a bad idea! Thanks, me!

_Joey walks out the door. Ross stands up, grabs the phone, and starts dialing._

Phoebe: Who're you calling?

Ross: Monica. I was gonna stay out of this, but now, after seeing that outfit, I HAVE to get involved.

_Ross puts the phone to his ear._

Ross: Hey, Mon? It's me. Don't talk, just listen. Joey is headed over to Javu right now. Whatever he says, just go with it. Annette's messing with him, and got us all involved. Get a picture of his outfit, and show it to Chandler. I'll explain more later on tonight. Bye.

_Ross hangs up the phone._

Annette: And I thought I was evil...

_Rachel chuckles._

Rachel: You should ask him what he and Ben did to get back at me for teaching Ben all the pranks he pulled on Ross.

Phoebe: Where did he get that outfit, anyway?

Annette: I left it out in the living room for him. He thinks it's just something his dream self cooked up.

_Rachel laughs, and high-fives Annette. Scene ends and opens in the dining room of Javu. Joey enters in his outfit._

Maître d: May I help you, sir?

Joey: Yes. I'm looking for Monica Bing.

Maître d: May I ask who's calling?

_Joey stares at the man._

Joey: No one, I didn't hear a phone ring.

_The maître d rolls his eyes._

Maître d: Your NAME, sir.

Joey: Oh. Okay, I can play along in my dream. Joey Tribbiani.

Maître d: Wait here, please.

_The maître d walks off toward the kitchen._

Maître d (under his breath): With an outfit like that, you better hope this IS a dream.

_He enters the kitchen. Monica is working on three orders, and places them out to go._

Maître d: Chef Bing? There's a man here to see you.

Monica: Who?

Maître d: He gave his name as Joey Tribbiani.

_Monica grins._

Monica: You didn't say anything to him, did you?

Maître d: No, ma'am. I simply asked him to remain where he was, while I came to get you.

Monica: Good.

Maître d: May I ask why?

_Monica pulls the maître d off to the side, and whispers in his ear. A grin spreads across his face._

Maître d: Your friends have a very wicked sense of humor. I will enjoy this very much.

_Monica walks out front. Joey is standing near the entrance, oblivious to the stares of the people waiting nearby._

Monica: Joey! What're you doing here?

Joey: I just thought I might wanna see my outfit, from a different angle. So. What do you think?

Monica: It's...flashy, I will admit that.

_Joey grins._

Joey: Glad you like it. Well, I'm off to Central Perk.

Monica: Joey, wait a second.

_Monica pulls out her cell phone, and takes a picture. Joey waves goodbye, and leaves. A minute after he leaves, Monica sends the picture to Chandler's s cell phone. Monica's phone starts ringing a second later._

Monica: Hello?

Chandler (over the phone): Where is he?

Monica (on the phone): He said he's headed for Central Perk. If you hurry, you might be able to-

_Monica hears a click in her ear. She looks at her cell phone, and sees that Chandler has hung up. She heads back to the kitchen, shoulders shaking with laughter. Scene ends and opens in Central Perk. Annette is off to the side with Gunther, whispering in his ear. Enter Chandler._

Chandler: Is Joey here yet?

Annette: No, not yet. I got the TXT from Monica about him coming here. I told Ross, Rachel, and Phoebe about it, so they're on their way down right now. Mike's hiding in the bathroom, I told him he has to see this before he gets involved.

Chandler: This is gonna be great. Oh, Monica got off work, she's on her way over right now, also.

Annette: Sweet!

_Gunther walks over to them._

Gunther: I need to go check some things in the back. Chandler, you might wanna hide somewhere.

_Gunther walks off into the back room. Chandler looks at Annette._

Chandler: Why did he say I should hide?

Annette: Because Gunther knows how to reach Janice, and I'm hoping to have her come here to mess with Joey's head.

_Chandler runs into the men's room, where Mike is hiding. Enter Ross, Rachel, Phoebe, and Monica._

Chandler: Ross! Get in here, quick!

Ross: Why?

Chandler: Joey and Janice are on their way here!

_Ross runs into the men's room, as Rachel, Phoebe, and Monica run into the women's room. Enter Joey in his outfit. Gunther stares at him in shock._

Gunther: Uh, you DO know we paid the electric bill, right?

Joey: It's not THAT bad.

Annette: Honey, you could light up a runway for a 747.

Joey: You don't need to be jealous of my awesome fashion sense.

_Rachel snorts in laughter from the bathroom. Monica smacks her, and puts a finger to her lips, as Joey sits down in the armchair. Gunther walks over to Annette, who is standing at the counter._

Gunther: YOU picked that out for him?

_Annette nods with a wicked grin._

Gunther: You're evil.

Annette: Thank you.

_Gunther chuckles and walks off. Door opens, as Janice enters._

Janice: Hi, Joey.

_Joey looks up in horror at Janice's voice, as Annette walks over with a cup of coffee for him._

Annette: Remember, Joey, we're all just a part of your dream.

Joey: You're right, I almost forgot that. But her being here is a nightmare.

Annette: So wake yourself up. What's the one thing you'd never do, in either a dream or awake?

_Joey stands up, walks over to Janice, and taps her on the shoulder._

Joey: Hey, Janice?

_Janice turns around._

Janice: Yeah?

_Joey grabs Janice's face, and kisses her. The gang spills from the bathrooms, as Annette looks on with a shocked look on her face._

Chandler: Oh my god!

_Joey looks on with a satisfied smile on his face._

Joey: There, that'll wake me up.

_A minute goes by. Joey's smile starts to falter. Suddenly, he gets a horrified look on his face, and backs up a few steps._

Joey: Oh my god, I'm AWAKE!

_He points at Janice._

Joey: And I KISSED you!

Janice: Wow...

_Joey looks down in horror at his outfit._

Joey: And what am I wearing? I gotta get out of here!

_Joey turns around, and rushes out the door. _

Annette: Joey, wait!

_Ross, Chandler and Mike exit the bathroom, and run after him. Rachel exits a few seconds later, and walks over to Annette._

Annette: I hope he'll be okay.

Rachel: I think he will be. He'll be embarrassed for a few days, but he should be all right.

Annette: I didn't think he'd do THAT. He's gonna hate himself so much.

Rachel: Me either. That's a new one on me, considering how much he hates Janice.

Janice: He's a really great kisser, too. Better than even Chandler.

Monica: JOEY is a better kisser than my husband? I gotta have proof of this.

_Janice laughs, as Monica leaves. Scene ends and opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Ross and Mike are sitting on the couch, watching TV. Enter Rachel, Phoebe, and Annette._

Rachel: Hi, guys.

Ross: Hey.

Annette: Did you guys catch up to Joey?

Mike: Yeah, we managed to catch up to him three blocks down. He was trying to stand in traffic and get hit by a taxi. We got him off the road, although some people were giving us some strange looks.

Rachel: Why?

Ross: Well, I think it was mostly Joey's outfit. Or lack thereof, I should say. He decided as he was running down the road to start stripping his clothes off. We caught him as he was starting to work on removing his shorts. Although there a slight...accident that might be on the evening news.

Mike: I told you not to grab his waist.

Ross: Well, if you hadn't been trying to direct traffic and helped me hold him down...

Annette: Guys! Focus. Where is he now?

Ross: Locked in his bedroom. He won't come out for anything.

Phoebe: Did you try offering him food?

Mike: We tried food, Baywatch, Die Hard, and Ross offered him a topless photo of Rachel.

Rachel: Ross!

Ross: I wasn't gonna actually give him one. I just wanted to coax him out.

Mike: Nothing's worked. He's not budging.

Annette: I'll go talk to him. I didn't think he'd go so far as to kiss Janice.

_Annette leaves. Scene ends and opens in Joey and Annette's apartment. Annette walks over to Joey's door, and knocks._

Annette: Joey? Can I talk to you for a sec?

_Joey doesn't answer. Annette opens the door to a darkened room. Turning the light on, she sees Joey sitting on his bed facing the opposite wall, with a paper bag on his head. Annette walks over and sits next to him on the bed._

Annette: Hey. How you feeling?

Joey: Embarrassed. I can't show my face in public now, after what I did.

Annette: Joey, I'm partly to blame for that. I started this whole joke, after you told me about your dream of Janice. I didn't think you'd go so far as to kiss her to wake yourself up, though.

Joey: It's not just that, even though my lips can never touch another woman's after doing that. It's also me running through Central Perk in my shorts, the outfit I wore, the Tarzan stunt in Javu...

Annette: What Tarzan stunt?

Joey: Uh...nothing.

_Annette takes the bag off Joey's head, and turns his head so he looks at her._

Annette: Joey, you've done odd things before. Mike and Phoebe shared some of your more oddball moments with me. But you know what? You didn't care what people think, because you did what makes you happy, and would bring a smile to others faces. And that's just one of the many things I like about you.

Joey: Really?

_Annette smiles._

Annette: Yeah. When you're ready to settle down & be with someone, I know you'll make some woman incredibly lucky.

_Joey smiles, and hugs Annette._

Joey: Thanks, Annette.

_Annette leans back, and kisses Joey._

Annette: There. Now Janice is no longer the last woman you kissed, so your lips aren't tainted with evil.

_Annette stands up and heads for the door._

Annette: I'm gonna start dinner. Will you be coming out for some?

Joey: Yeah, I'll be out in a moment.

_Annette leaves, and Joey touches his lips. He smiles. Credits roll._

**CREDITS SCENE**

_Scene opens in Central Perk. Joey, Phoebe, and Annette are sitting on the couch. Ross and Rachel are sharing the armchair. Monica is sitting on the chair at the end table. Enter Chandler._

Chandler: Well, looks who's finally showing his face in public again.

Monica: Chandler! Don't be mean.

_Joey looks over Chandler's shoulder at the bathrooms._

Joey: Hi, Janice!

_Chandler gets a terrified look, turns around, and runs out the door. Monica stands up, and walks over to Joey._

Monica: Hey, Joey?

Joey: Yeah?

_Monica kisses him, then stands back._

Monica: Nope, Chandler's better.


	10. The One With The Job Offer

_Scene opens in Ross and Rachel's bedroom. Ross and Rachel are asleep in bed. A noise is heard from the kitchen. Rachel sits up and shakes Ross._

Rachel: Ross. Ross! Wake up!

_Ross rolls over, and groans._

Ross: What?

Rachel: I thought I heard something!

_Ross listens for a moment, and hears the sound of bottles clinking from the refrigerator. He gets up, grabs a bat, and walks out into the living room, flipping on the lights. Joey is standing in the kitchen, with a jar of mayonnaise in his hand._

Joey: Oh, hey. Sorry, didn't mean to wake you.

Ross: Joey, it is three thirty in the MORNING. What are you doing?

Joey: I was making a sandwich, and we're out of mayo. Sorry, I thought you guys were asleep.

Ross: Just take the mayo and go, before you wake up Emma.

_Joey walks out the door, quietly closing it behind him. Ross shakes his head, and starts heading back for his room. The door opens behind him, and Joey sticks his head back in._

Joey: Oh, Ross. One quick question: do you have any pickles?

_Ross stares at him. Theme song and title sequence plays._

**So no one told you life was gonna be this way.**

**Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's DOA.  
It's like you're always stuck in second gear.  
Well, it hasn't been your day, week, month, or even your year.**

**But, I'll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour.  
I'll be there for you, like I've been there before.  
I'll be there for you, cause you're there for me too.**

_Scene opens in Central Perk. Ross, Rachel, and Annette are sitting on the couch. Monica is sitting on the armchair. Mike is sitting on one the chairs at the end table. Phoebe is sitting in his lap._

Annette: I am SO sorry about what happened this morning, guys. I told him I'd be going to the store later today.

Rachel: Don't worry about it, sweetie. It's not the first time I've been a victim of Joey Tribbiani's appetite. He used to sneak into our apartment to raid the fridge for leftovers after Monica was done fixing dinner.

Monica: I thought you told me our apartment was invaded by hungry mice! I kept setting traps all over for those stupid things!

Rachel: They WERE mice! Mice named Joey. You never wondered why the traps were still set, with the cheese missing?

Monica: I figured they were intelligent mice.

Rachel: Intelligent mice don't go "OW! Dammit!" at two in the morning.

_Mike turns to Phoebe._

Mike: Remind me never to have Joey over to our place for dinner, unless we have money set aside for the groceries.

Phoebe: As much as I love Joey, even I'm going to agree with that statement.

Ross: I wasn't as concerned about the mayonnaise, as much as I was he'd wake up Emma. And he seems to be doing better now, from his Janice experience last week.

_Annette looks uncomfortable._

Annette: Yeah, he's doing better.

_Mike looks at her._

Mike: Annette, what happened?

Annette: Nothing! Why do you ask?

Mike: Your leg is doing that twitching thing that you do when you're nervous or lying.

_Annette sighs._

Annette: I woke up this morning to a face half an inch from mine. I freaked and started screaming, before I realized it was a dummy face. Joey put it in last night as payback for the whole Janice thing.

_Rachel turns to Ross._

Rachel: TOLD you I heard someone screaming this morning!

Ross: As loud as you were, I'm surprised you heard anything.

_Everyone groans, and covers their ears._

Monica: We don't need to know things like that!

Ross: Like you and Chandler haven't woke up the neighbors before...

_Monica looks away. Ross nods._

Ross: That's what I thought.

_Scene ends and opens in Monica and Chandler's living room. Monica and Chandler are sitting on the couch. Rachel and Ross are sitting on the love seat. Emma is playing with Jack and Erica on the floor._

Chandler: So I think I finally figured out that Rogue's identity.

_Ross groans._

Ross: Seriously, you're STILL on that?

Chandler: Hey, Rachel's been helping me with them.

Ross: No, she hasn't. She's been-

_Rachel looks away. Ross looks at her with a surprised look._

Ross: Rachel! You promised me.

Rachel: I'm sorry, Ross, but Chandler offered me a pair of Gucci boots! How could I say no to that?

_Ross glares at Chandler._

Ross: You BRIBED my girlfriend to help you? What's next, bribing my sister?

_Monica looks away uncomfortably. Ross throws his hands in the air._

Ross: Wonderful. My sister, brother-in-law, and girlfriend are all going after that Rogue still. When were you gonna drag me into it?

Rachel: Well, I was gonna ask you to go tomorrow, but you have that interview with the museum.

Monica: You have an interview there? What happened to the university?

Ross: I'm still there. The museum just wants to have me come back on a part-time status. If things work out there, I can switch to full-time if I want, and quit the university.

Monica: That's great! I really hope they let you go back.

Rachel: Me too. I'm so proud of my Rossatron.

_Rachel leans in and kisses Ross passionately. Chandler and Monica look away, gagging._

Chandler: Do that in your own place, not ours!

Ross: I wouldn't be talking, considering some of the things I've heard you've done to my sister.

_Monica looks in shock at Rachel._

Monica: Rachel! You promised me!

Rachel: Uh...wow, look at the time! Emma, sweetie, go get your coat. It's time to go.

Ross: It's only five-thirty.

Rachel: You're tired.

_Ross looks in confusion at Rachel. Scene ends and opens in Central Perk. Phoebe, Rachel, and Mike are sitting on the couch. Joey is sitting in the armchair. Annette is sitting in the chair at the end table. Enter Ross._

Ross: Hey.

Rachel: Hi, honey. How was the interview?

Ross: It was good. I'll find out in a few days if they want me to go back or not.

Mike: Good luck, man. I hope they'll let you back.

Ross: Thanks.

_Gunther walks over._

Gunther: Hey, Annette. Are we still on for this weekend?

Annette: You better believe it. You want me to meet you here, or there?

Gunther: Why not meet me here? I have to get the schedule for next week posted up before we go.

Annette: All right. I'll see you then.

_Gunther walks off. Everyone turns and stares at Annette._

Annette: What?

Joey: You wanna fill us in?

Annette: We're going to go see a movie this weekend.

Mike: I thought you said you weren't dating him.

Annette: I'm not! But that doesn't mean I'm not going to go out and do stuff with him. He's my friend.

Mike: Fair enough.

_Annette looks at her watch._

Annette: Well, I'm out. I have an audition to get to. I'll see you guys later.

_Annette walks out the door. Ross sits down in the chair she was sitting in, as Joey leans forward._

Joey: You guys'll never believe what she did to me last week.

Phoebe: What?

Joey: Remember what happened after I kissed Janice?

Ross: I think the whole city and over half the Internet crowd knows what happened by now, Joe.

Rachel: Yeah, the last thing I wanted to be seeing was Joey's naked butt on a YouTube video.

Mike: Just be glad it was his butt you saw. Some old ladies were staring at the front end, and looking like they were gonna have a heart attack.

Joey: They were mesmerized by my awesome tool.

Ross: If it was so awesome, why was it so small?

Joey: That mace the vendor sprayed hurt!

Phoebe: Anyway, what happened?

Joey: Well, we were sitting in my room, and she KISSED me.

Everyone: WHAT?

Joey: Yeah! She kissed me, and said her lips were the last ones touched, so they weren't tainted by Janice anymore. Then Monica kissed me, but I'm not gonna count that one.

Ross: I HOPE not, that's my sister. It's bad enough thinking about what Chandler does to her, I don't want the image of you kissing her floating in my brain.

Mike: And the idea of my cousin kissing him is better HOW?

Ross: It's not my sister.

Mike: You got a point there.

Rachel: So...she kissed you?

Joey: Yeah.

Phoebe: That's great! Joey, you should so ask her out.

Rachel: Yeah, Joey. Do it! You two can double date with me and Ross sometime.

Mike: Excuse me, but don't Ross and I have a say in this, since we're both right here?

Rachel and Phoebe: No.

_Mike shakes his head, and turns to Ross._

Mike: You wanna go upstairs, and watch the Yankees play? We can leave lover boy here with these two.

Rachel: Yes, do that. We can call Monica over, and plan the ways Joey can ask her out. Maybe we can even get you two involved.

_Mike and Ross look at each other, jump up, and run out the door. Joey attempts to follow them, but Phoebe grabs his arm and yanks him down between her and Rachel._

Phoebe: You stay.

_Joey looks at Rachel, who is on the phone._

Joey: Rach? Little help here?

Rachel: Hey, Monica? Are you busy right now?

_Scene ends and opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Ross and Mike are sitting on the couch, watching TV. Enter Chandler._

Chandler: Hey.

Ross: Hey.

Chandler: So I left Monica at Central Perk, and ran up here before I got roped into whatever they're doing to Joey.

Mike: Smart move.

Chandler: What're they up to, anyway?

Ross: Planning ways to get him to ask Annette out on a date.

Chandler: Good luck. I remember all the plans we tried to do with you to get you to ask Rachel out.

Ross: That was different. Besides, it worked, didn't it?

Chandler: Only after I let it slip you were in love with her.

_Mike looks at Ross._

Mike: You two have a very odd history.

Ross: Yeah, but it all worked out in the end.

Mike: I was referring to you and Chandler.

_Ross stares at Mike, as the door opens. Annette enters, with Monica behind her, holding a binder in her hands._

Monica: Come on, Annette! You know he's a good guy, just say you'll do it!

Annette: Monica, for the love of God, stop pestering me about it!

Monica: Not until you say yes. Please, please, please, please, please, please, please?

Annette: AUGH! Stop it!

Monica: Say yes, and I will. Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please?

Ross: What're you pestering her to do?

Annette: Agree to go on a date with Joey. She wants me to ask him out.

_Annette turns to Monica._

Annette: Which I am NOT gonna do, so stop bugging me!

Monica: Please, please, please, please, please -no- please, please, please, please, please, please, please?

Annette: Will someone PLEASE get her to stop?

_Ross and Chandler look away._

Annette: THANKS, you two are a lot of help.

Ross: I grew up with her, I know what happens if you try to stop her when she's like this.

Chandler: And I'm married to her, she can make my life hell every night, if she chooses.

_Annette turns to Monica._

Annette: Stop bugging me, or I'm gonna do the same thing to you that I did to Joey!

Chandler: That's not gonna work, but watch this.

_Chandler looks at Monica._

Chandler: Honey, stop. Or I'll let Annette track mud across the kitchen.

_Monica stops mid "please", with a horrified look on her face._

Monica: You wouldn't DARE!

Chandler: Watch me. And then I'll let Mike set sweaty drinks on the coffee table, WITHOUT a coaster.

Monica: Okay, okay! I won't pester her!

_A pause._

Monica: I'll let Rachel do it.

Ross: Mon!

Annette: How about we NOT try to get Annette and Joey together, and just let things take their own course?

Monica: But then that makes all my plans, which I worked very hard on, go out the window! Look, I even organized it!

_Monica holds up the binder. Annette turns to Ross, and points to Monica who is stroking the binder._

Annette: Is that normal?

Ross: For Monica, yes.

Monica: Ross!

Ross: You remember 8th grade Science Fair, when you had me help you with that huge model of the solar system? I don't think anyone else in the history of that school was given the "Most Organized Project" award.

Monica: A record I still hold to this day, I might add.

Mike: You actually CHECK on that?

Monica: I still get the monthly newsletter.

_Mike shakes his head at Monica. Scene ends and opens in Joey and Annette's apartment. Joey is standing in the kitchen, making a sandwich. Enter Annette._

Annette: Hey.

Joey: Hey.

Annette: I wanna go on record as saying that Monica is an annoying pain in the ass at times.

Joey: Try catching her if you make a mess around her. I once set a beer on the coffee table without a coaster, and she freaked out. What was she doing to you?

Annette: Bugging me to ask someone out.

Joey: So why don't you?

Annette: Not ready to yet.

_Annette looks at the mayonnaise jar._

Annette: Is that Ross and Rachel's mayo?

Joey: Yeah, I haven't gotten to the store for groceries for us yet.

_Annette grabs her purse, and turns to Joey._

Annette: Finish making that, clean up, and let's go.

Joey: Go where?

Annette: The store. I have the grocery list.

Joey: What about the kids?

_Annette picks up Duck Jr, and puts him in the box set up for the birds._

Annette: Grab the chick, put him in, and let's go.

_Joey puts Chick Jr in the box, grabs his sandwich, and follows Annette for the door. Scene ends and opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Ross and Rachel are sitting on the couch, watching TV._

Rachel: Honey?

Ross: Hm?

Rachel: Did the museum call you yet?

Ross: Yeah, I'm gonna go see them after work tomorrow. Do you wanna go with me?

Rachel: I don't know. You know how much I hate that place. Besides, who'd watch Emma if I go with you?

Ross: Joey and Annette offered.

Rachel: Still...

_Ross kisses Rachel._

Ross: For me?

Rachel: Well...okay. But only because I love you so much.

Ross: Really? I thought I was gonna be in competition with your other boyfriend.

_Rachel sits up and looks at him._

Rachel: WHAT other boyfriend?

Ross: The caveman in the display who's anatomy you were checking out on our first date.

_Rachel blushes._

Rachel: You know about that?

Ross: Security knew about that. I think they might have that saved as a desktop background somewhere, if the rumors are true.

_Rachel groans, and buries her face in her hands._

Rachel: Ugh...I'm so embarrassed.

Ross: And being caught by the Catholic school group in the display wasn't embarrassing?

_Rachel laughs._

Rachel: We'll never live that down, will we?

Ross: Probably not.

Rachel: Well, since you're willing to show your face there after that incident, the least I can do is join you.

Ross: Thanks, sweetie. I love you.

Rachel: I love you, too.

_Rachel kisses Ross, and snuggles back up to him to continue watching TV. Scene ends and opens in Central Perk. Monica, Phoebe, and Mike are sitting on the couch. Ross is sitting in the armchair. Chandler is sitting in the chair at the end table._

Ross: Okay, so is everything set up?

Monica: Almost. I'm still waiting to hear back from Joey and Annette. Where are they, anyway?

Ross: Grocery shopping. Annette banged on our door to return the mayo Joey borrowed yesterday morning. I told her she could keep it, but she insisted on returning it, since they were going to the store.

Phoebe: Does Rachel suspect anything?

Ross: As far as I know, she doesn't have a clue.

Phoebe: Good.

_The door opens and Annette walks in, followed by Joey._

Annette: Forget it, Joey! I'm not doing it!

Joey: But he offered us a discount on the bill!

Annette: No! Do you have any idea how embarrassing that is?

Mike: What's going on?

Annette: The cashier at the store offered to cut our bill in half, if I agreed to do a belly dance for his friend's party this weekend. And when the male role model here found out, he started drooling.

Joey: He had curry! And I was hungry.

Annette: You ate a sandwich on the way there!

Chandler: The word "full" isn't a part of a Tribbiani's vocabulary, Annette.

Annette: No kidding.

Monica: Okay, putting aside your little debate for later, are you two ready for tonight?

Annette: Tonight? What's tonight?

_Monica glares at Joey._

Joey: What?

Monica: You were supposed to tell her!

Joey: Oh, yeah!

_Joey turns to Annette._

Joey: We're supposed to help Ross set up a surprise date for Rachel in the planetarium tonight.

_Annette smacks Joey._

Annette: Why didn't you mention this earlier?

Joey: Because you were ranting about the belly dancing job!

_Annette turns to Ross._

Annette: How soon do we need to start setting up?

Ross: Well, I'm gonna take Chandler, Joey, and Mike over so we can get everything set up.

Monica: Which means I get to take charge from here. Okay, Phoebe, you're running interference on Rachel. Annette, you come with me.

Annette: Why?

Monica: You're gonna be the waitress tonight. Let's go up to your place, we can go over everything there.

_Monica grabs Annette's wrist, and pulls her out the door. Joey turns to Chandler._

Joey: And you MARRIED that.

Ross: I grew up with it.

Joey: I feel for the both of you.

_Scene ends and opens in Joey and Annette's apartment. Monica is in the kitchen, cooking at the stove. Annette is off to the side, reading over the menu Monica made up._

Annette: Are you sure you want me to name ALL of these choices? You're not even cooking them.

Monica: Think of this as practice, in case you ever land a role as a waitress on a show.

_Annette glares at her._

Annette: You're right, because I have NO prior experience to draw on at all.

_Monica smiles, as a knock is heard._

Rachel: Annette? Are you home?

_Monica and Annette look at each other in a panic._

Monica (whispering): What's she doing here? I thought Phoebe was running interference!

Annette (whispering): Obviously not, if she's RIGHT OUTSIDE MY DOOR!

_Annette walks over and opens the door a crack._

Annette: Hey, Rach! What's up?

Rachel: Can I borrow your black pumps? Ross wants to take me out tonight, and I don't wanna go shopping for shoes, or I'll never be ready in time.

_Monica turns to the fridge, and bumps one of the pots with her elbow. It slides, making a noise._

Rachel: What was that?

Annette: TV!

Rachel: That was too loud to be the TV.

Annette: Okay, you caught me. I called Monica for a new recipe for dinner, set one of the lids a little crooked on the pot to answer the door, and it fell off. That's all.

_Rachel looks at her unconvinced._

Rachel: Okay.

Annette: Hold on, lemme go get the pumps for you.

Rachel: Just bring them over when you have a moment.

Annette: Will do.

_Rachel turns away, as Annette closes the door._

Annette: Dammit!

Monica: What?

Annette: I wanted to wear those pumps tonight!

_Annette walks into her room. Scene ends and opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Rachel and Phoebe are sitting at the table, drinking coffee. Enter Annette, with a pair of black pumps in her hand._

Annette: Hey, guys.

_Annette hands the shoes to Rachel._

Annette: Here you go, Rach. Sorry it took so long, but Monica went on and on about every little detail in that recipe. Arrange the parsley this way, set the table that way...UGH!

Rachel: That sounds like Monica, all right.

Annette: How did you put up with that, when you lived with her?

Rachel: I tuned her out. I can pretty much tune out anyone, now.

Phoebe: Except Emma.

_Rachel takes a sip of her coffee._

Phoebe: Rachel.

_No answer._

Phoebe: Rachel!

_Rachel opens a magazine in front of her._

Phoebe: UGH. I need to pee, I'll be right back.

_Phoebe leaves for the bathroom. Annette looks at Rachel._

Annette: Phoebe was calling you.

Rachel: I know. I heard every word she said.

Annette: But I saw you! You just-

Rachel: Ignored her? I know. I did the same thing to Monica when she was off on a spring cleaning kick. I also do it to Ross when he goes off on one of his dino lectures. Drives him nuts. I'm working on the "pretend to pay attention" bit.

Annette: Oh, the thing men do when they smile and nod, but really have power tools or something guy related on their mind?

_Rachel grins._

Rachel: Yep.

_Annette grins, as Phoebe returns._

Phoebe: Uh oh. You have that evil grin again. What're you planning?

Annette: Nothing.

Phoebe: Annette...

Annette: I'm not planning anything, I swear!

_Phoebe stares at her, as the door opens. Enter Joey and Mike._

Joey: Hey.

Rachel: Hey. Wait a minute. Where's Ross?

_Joey and Mike look at each other, and shrug._

Mike: I don't know, I haven't seen him all day.

_Rachel stares at Joey._

Rachel: Joey?

Joey: What? I don't know anything! I haven't seen Ross all day!

_Rachel gets a suspicious look on her face, stands up, and walks over to Joey._

Rachel: Joey, tell me where he is, or I'll tell Janice you wanna ask her out.

_Everyone gasps. Joey gets a stricken look on his face._

Joey: He's at the museum with Chandler and Monica!

Rachel: Doing what?

Joey: I can't. Ross will kill me if I say any more.

_Rachel turns to Annette._

Rachel: Is Gunther at the coffee shop right now?

Annette: I don't know, maybe.

_Rachel pulls out her cell phone, and starts dialing._

Rachel: Hi, this is Rachel Greene. Is Gunther there?

_A pause._

Rachel: Gunther? Hi, it's Rachel. Listen, do you have Janice's number handy?

Joey: He's setting up a surprise for you tonight!

Phoebe: Joey!

Joey: She threatened me with JANICE! What was I supposed to do?

Rachel: Anyone else want quality time with Janice?

_Everyone backs off, shaking their heads._

Rachel: Then start talking.

Joey: Ross got the job at the museum and is setting up a surprise dinner for you to celebrate!

_Rachel gasps._

Rachel: Oh my god...everyone out! I have to get ready!

_Rachel shoves everyone out the door, and slams it. Phoebe and Annette turn to Joey._

Phoebe: We have got to work on your lying skills, Joe.

_Joey nods. Scene ends and opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is the kitchen, in a dress and Annette's pumps. Enter Ross, dressed in a suit and tie._

Rachel: Hi, honey.

Ross: Hey.

_Rachel kisses him, and then stands back._

Rachel: You look really great.

Ross: Thanks. You look gorgeous. But I have to ask: who talked?

Rachel: Joey.

Ross: I'm not sure I wanna know what you threatened him with.

Rachel: Let's just say it was someone he'd never want to see in a million years.

Ross: Janice?

Rachel: Yeah.

_Ross shakes his head._

Ross: You're mean.

_Rachel grins._

Rachel: I know.

Ross: Are you ready to go?

Rachel: Yep.

_Rachel grabs her purse, and takes Ross's hand as he goes out the door. Scene ends and opens in the hallway outside the planetarium. Chandler is standing in front of a podium dressed in a tuxedo, as Ross and Rachel walk up. Rachel starts laughing._

Chandler: Good evening. Do you have a reservation?

Ross: Yes, two under "Geller".

_Chandler pretends to scan a list of names on the podium in front of him._

Chandler: Geller…Geller…ah, here we are. Your table is ready, follow me, please.

_Chandler opens the door to the planetarium, as Ross and Rachel follow him in. The projector is turned on, and the room is lit up into a "starry" sky. Soft piano music plays over the speakers around the room. Rachel gasps, as Chandler leads them to a candlelit table in the middle of the room._

Chandler: Here you are. Your server will be right with you.

_Chandler walks off as Ross pulls out the chair for Rachel. She sits and scoots in._

Rachel: Ross, what is all this? What's going on?

Ross: I thought we might have dinner under the stars to celebrate.

Rachel: Celebrate what?

_Ross starts to answer, but is interrupted by Annette walking up to them._

Annette: Good evening. My name is Jolene; I'll be your server for this evening. Can I start you two off with something to drink?

Ross: Yes, a bottle of the house's best wine, please.

Annette: Of course. I'll be right back.

_Annette walks off, as Rachel starts laughing._

Rachel: Is this the big surprise you had planned for me?

Ross: Yeah. The others helped me set this up. It's a celebration.

_Annette returns with a bottle of wine and two glasses for them. She sets them on the table, and then steps back._

Annette: Are you ready to order?

Ross: I don't know what I want. What do you recommend?

Annette: Well, the chef has prepared a nice parmesan chicken with marinara sauce, served with fresh baked bread, and a garden fresh salad.

Ross: That sounds delightful. I'd like that.

_Annette writes down Ross's order, and turns to Rachel, who is quietly laughing._

Annette: And for you, ma'am?

Rachel: I'll have the same thing.

_Annette writes down her order._

Annette: All right. I will have those out to you in a moment.

_Annette walks off to the back, as Ross pours the wine into both glasses. He hands one to Rachel, and raises his._

Ross: To the most beautiful, charming, and compassionate woman I have ever had the honor of falling in love with.

_Rachel blushes, as she raises her glass against his._

Rachel: And to the most handsome, sophisticated, gentle man it has ever been my good fortune to know.

_Ross blushes, as they take a drink. Ross stands up, and holds out a hand to Rachel._

Ross: Will you do the honor of having this dance with me, Ms. Greene?

_Rachel smiles, and takes his hand as she stands up._

Rachel: It would be my pleasure, Mr. Geller.

_Ross leads her to a clear space on the floor, as Joey puts on Wicked Games. Rachel leans in close to Ross, and slowly sways to the music, with her eyes closed._

_Joey, Monica, Annette, and Chandler watch them from the back, as they slowly dance._

Annette: Now I see what Phoebe means about them being lobsters.

_Chandler and Monica hold each other's hands. Joey puts his arm around Annette's waist, as she leans her head on his shoulder. All four stare at their friends, dancing together. Credits roll._

**CREDITS SCENE**

_Scene opens in Phoebe and Mike's apartment. Mike is standing over the couch, gently covering Emma with a blanket. Enter Phoebe from the bathroom._

Phoebe: Mike?

_Mike holds a finger to his lips, and points down at Emma._

Mike (whispering): She's asleep.

_Phoebe nods, and pulls him into the kitchen._

Phoebe: Honey, I have something to tell you.

Mike: What's up?

Phoebe: I think I'm pregnant.

**(A/N For those of you who are wondering why I went with Wicked Games, it's the song that Ross played on his & Rachel's first date in the planetarium. Look up the Chris Isaak version, not the HIM one.)**


	11. The One With The Dance

_Scene opens in Central Perk. Phoebe and Mike are sitting on the couch. Ross and Rachel are sharing the armchair. Chandler is sitting in the chair at the end table. Enter Joey._

Joey: Hey.

Rachel: Hey, Joey.

_Joey turns to Phoebe._

Joey: Phoebe, do you have a transparent silk scarf?

Phoebe: Yeah. Does it need to be a specific color?

Joey: Red would be good, if you have one.

Rachel: Hey, I'm the one who works in fashion! AND I have scarves like that! Why didn't you ask me?

Joey: Because you weren't home, and you wouldn't loan me those, anyway. Besides, I don't want a scarf you two used in some sex game.

_Rachel looks away, blushing. Phoebe smiles, and turns to Joey._

Phoebe: Why do you need one, anyway?

Joey: I don't. Annette on the other hand…well…see for yourself.

_The door opens, and Annette walks in, dressed in a belly dancer's outfit. Chandler opens his mouth, but Annette points a finger at him._

Annette: Say one word and Monica finds out who it really was that forgot to use a coaster last weekend.

_Chandler closes his mouth. Theme song and title sequence play._

**So no one told you life was gonna be this way.  
Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's DOA.  
It's like you're always stuck in second gear.  
Well, it hasn't been your day, week, month, or even your year.**

**But, I'll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour.  
I'll be there for you, like I've been there before.  
I'll be there for you, cause you're there for me too.**

_Scene opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Rachel and Monica are sitting on the couch. Enter Ross, on the phone._

Ross: No! I am not gonna help you in your crazy vendetta against some faceless person!

_A pause._

Ross: Chandler, you ever think this is getting out of hand? You're obsessing over this Rogue thing too much. I think Monica's starting to rub off on you.

Monica: Hey!

_Ross turns to her._

Ross: What?

Monica: I'm right here, you know.

Ross: Really? I thought you'd have been cleaning the stain out in the hall.

Monica: Nope, right here.

_Monica starts fidgeting, before jumping up._

Monica: Oh, screw it! Where are the cleaning supplies?

_Monica runs out the door, as Ross hangs up the phone. Rachel turns to Ross._

Rachel: Thank you, baby.

_Ross smiles, and leans in to kiss her._

Ross: I'm not sure what you're thanking me for, but you're welcome.

Rachel: For getting rid of Monica. I want some alone time with you.

Ross: Then I am happy to be of service.

_Rachel smiles and leans in for another kiss, as Monica walks in._

Monica: Ross, there was no stain out in the hall. You fibbed!

Ross: I never said it was in OUR hallway, Mon.

Monica: Augh! I'm gonna go ballistic until I find it! DAMN you!

_Monica runs back out the door. Rachel turns to Ross with a confused look on her face._

Rachel: Is there a stain somewhere?

Ross: I don't know. But she'll drive herself bonkers until she finds one.

_Rachel giggles, and pulls Ross in for a kiss. Scene ends and opens in Central Perk. Mike and Phoebe are sitting on the couch. Joey is sitting in the armchair. Chandler is sitting in the chair at the end table._

Mike: So how did Annette's job go?

Joey: I don't know, she was still ranting about horny, brain-dead idiots when I left.

Chandler: Did your relatives drop by for a visit again?

_Phoebe smacks Chandler._

Phoebe: You behave! (to Joey) They didn't, did they?

Joey: No! At least, not as far as I know.

_Mike looks out the window._

Mike: I'm not seeing emergency vehicles outside, so I'd say it's a safe bet that they didn't show up.

Joey: Why would emergency vehicles be outside if they did?

Mike: Because Annette would kill them, if they saw her in that outfit.

Chandler: Man's got a point.

Joey: Well, I know my family didn't stop by. I think she was referring to the men she's doing this dance for.

Chandler (sarcastically): Really. We never would've figured that out on our own. Thank you for clearing that up for us, Joey.

Joey: Phoebe?

_Phoebe smacks Chandler again._

Chandler: Ow!

Joey: Thanks.

Phoebe: You're welcome.

_Enter Ross, Rachel, and Annette. Annette is dressed in her belly dancing outfit, with a veil across her face. Several patrons turn, and give her appreciative grins. Phoebe stands up and faces them._

Phoebe: That's my cousin-in-law. So if you don't want me over there, wipe those smiles.

_Everyone turns away. Annette walks over to Joey._

Annette: You ready to go?

Joey: Go where?

Annette: You're going with me to this thing.

Joey: What? I am not!

Annette: You got me into this, you're going! Now come on!

_Joey turns to Chandler._

Joey: Little help here?

Chandler (sarcastically): Yes, a beautiful woman wants to drag you along to watch her do a provocative dance. I'm REALLY going to help you. You two kids have fun.

_Annette grabs Joey's hand, and pulls him to his feet. Joey looks over his shoulder, as he's being dragged out the door._

Joey: Mike! Phoebe! Help!

Chandler: Annette, wait a minute.

_Annette stops, and turns around. Chandler takes a picture on his cell phone._

Chandler: This is going on my Facebook page. Smile.

_Annette turns around, and drags Joey out the door. Scene ends and opens in Central Perk. Chandler, Mike, and Monica are sitting on the couch. Ross is sitting in the chair at the end table, Rachel in his lap. Enter Joey and Annette. _

Annette: That is the LAST time I ever agree to something like that!

Joey: You weren't that bad! Besides, they didn't blame you for the fire.

Annette: They only said that because they were scared you were gonna beat them up! A big, crazy guy bursting into the room, waving a sandwich? I'm surprised some of them didn't drop dead of a heart attack.

Joey: How was I supposed to know that the back room was off limits?

Annette: I don't know. I guess the big sign on the door saying "Keep Out" wasn't enough of a clue?

_Annette sits down in the armchair, as Joey goes over to the counter to get a muffin. Mike stares at Annette, as her leg starts twitching._

Annette: What?

Mike: You're doing it again.

Annette: Doing what?

Mike: The leg twitching. You only do that if you're lying, or when something bad happens and you don't wanna talk about it.

_Annette sighs, and looks over at the counter where Joey is._

Annette: Okay, something did happen, but I haven't told Joey yet.

Monica: You forgot to use a coaster, and you set a sweaty drink on the coffee table?

Annette: No.

Rachel: Your boyfriend ruined your best pair of dress slacks?

Annette: No.

Ross: I never did that!

Rachel: Yes, you did.

Ross: No, I didn't! That was that dream that you had three nights ago, that you woke up and hit me over.

Rachel: Oh, yeah. Sorry about that, honey.

Ross: It's fine. I love you.

Rachel: Love you, too.

_Ross and Rachel kiss. Annette gags._

Annette: Hey, how about we bring the attention back to the person with the problem?

_Everyone turns to Annette._

Annette: That guy at the club offered me a chance to dance there, professionally.

Mike: You mean stripping?

_Annette nods._

Mike: I REALLY hope you're not considering it.

Annette: I'm not, but I don't want Joey to find out. You know how protective he is. Remember last week, when I was getting harassed by the vendor on 35th?

Chandler: I remember thinking that was gonna end up on the nine o'clock news.

Monica: I remember thinking that spinning back kick to his groin must've hurt.

_Annette laughs._

Annette: Yeah, he couldn't walk straight for days.

_Joey walks over, with a latte and two blueberry muffins._

Joey: What's so funny?

Annette: Nothing, don't worry about it.

_Joey holds out the latte and one of the muffins to Annette._

Joey: I figured you could use something to eat and drink. You look run down.

_Annette takes the offered items._

Annette: Thanks, Joey. That's very sweet of you.

Joey: No problem. I gotta get going, though. I have a date tonight.

Annette: Since when?

Joey: Since we were running from the club, before the police showed up.

Annette: Well, if you weren't shouting "FIRE!" in the street, the cops wouldn't have been called.

Joey: I think the smoke billowing from the windows would've ended up with them called, anyway.

Annette: Smoke? Joey, that was FOG from the fog machines. You DO remember the misty atmosphere, right?

Joey: I remember there's a great Italian place a couple doors down.

_Joey turns around and walks out, eating his muffin._

Joey: Bye, guys.

_Calls of "bye" and "see ya" float back. Annette scowls at his back, as he walks out. Everyone turns and looks at her._

Annette: What?

Monica: When are you gonna tell him?

Annette: Tell him what?

Mike: Annette, we're not blind or stupid. That reaction was a pretty good indication of how you feel about Joey.

Monica: If you don't tell him soon, he's gonna end up with someone else, and you'll never have him.

Annette: I don't know what you're talking about.

_Chandler scoffs._

Chandler: You sound like Ross when Rachel first came to the city.

Monica: And WHO finally let it slip on her birthday, again?

Chandler: That was an accident.

Rachel: Well, it worked out in the end.

_Ross rubs Rachel's back, and smiles._

Ross: Yes, it did.

_Everyone starts gagging. Ross and Rachel look at them in disgust._

Rachel: Okay, you can stop.

Monica: You two would make a diabetic person need an insulin shot.

Ross: Like you and Chandler are any better?

_Monica looks away. Annette laughs._

Annette: Okay, that made me feel better.

_Annette stands up._

Annette: I'm gonna go upstairs, and talk to Joey. Hopefully, he hasn't left yet.

_Annette leaves. Scene ends and opens in Joey and Annette's apartment. Joey is exiting the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. Enter Annette._

Annette: Joey, are you he…

_Annette trails off and stares at Joey, jaw dropping._

Joey: Annette?

_No answer._

Joey: Annette!

_Annette finally closes her mouth._

Annette: Sorry, I didn't mean to stare. I didn't realize you were this…well…cut.

Joey: Well, I also don't normally walk around in a towel.

Annette: You went walking through Central Perk in your shorts, and started stripping in Times Square. I don't think walking around in a towel is that far a stretch, Joe.

Joey: I function better when I have room to breathe down there.

_Joey gestures to his waist. Annette raises an eyebrow._

Annette: Breathe, huh?

Joey: Yep.

Annette: After the stunts you pulled the last few weeks, I don't think you need to be worrying about breathing down there anytime soon.

_Joey sticks his tongue out at Annette. Annette grins at him._

Joey: Anyway, I'm gonna go get ready. You gonna be all right here by yourself?

Annette: Joey, I'm twenty-eight years old. If I need a babysitter or adult supervision, there's something wrong.

Joey: Well, just remember: the number for the fire and police are on the fridge, and you have my cell number on there. There's money for pizza, and listen to the sitter.

_Annette sticks her tongue out at Joey. Joey laughs._

Joey: Payback.

Annette: Okay, you got me back.

_Joey walks into his room, and shuts the door. Annette smiles, and sits down in her chair. Scene ends and opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is sitting at the table with Monica. Ross and Chandler are sitting on the couch, watching a game on TV. Enter Annette._

Annette: Hey, guys.

Monica: Hey.

Annette: What're they watching?

Rachel: Some game on TV. We weren't paying attention, so we decided to sit here and talk.

Annette: Why didn't you just do that down at the coffee shop?

Rachel: Because Emma's in bed.

Annette: Good reason.

Monica: Why are you here? Shouldn't you be out with Joey, celebrating your guys' new relationship?

_Rachel smacks Monica._

Rachel: Mon! They're taking a breather.

Annette: We're not taking a breather. I didn't tell him.

_Rachel and Monica look at Annette, then get up and start whacking her. Annette raises her arms._

Annette: Ow! Ow! Ow! Quit it!

Monica: You are SUPPOSED to be out on a date with Joey! Why didn't you tell him yet?

Annette: I didn't wanna ruin his date tonight!

_Rachel and Monica beat on Annette even more. Annette starts running away._

Annette: Guys, a little help here!

_Ross and Chandler continue to sit._

Annette: Thanks, you clowns.

Ross: I'm dating one, and related to the other. I know better than to get in the middle of it.

Annette: Chandler?

Chandler: I just don't wanna get up.

_Annette grabs a pillow off the couch, and starts whacking Rachel and Monica back._

Annette: Back off, you two! Heel!

_Chandler looks over his shoulder to see the girls fighting, and then turns to Ross._

Chandler: Do we keep watching the game, or the catfight?

Ross: Catfight. This is way more entertaining, and it's something we can tease Joey about missing later.

_Chandler grins, as he and Ross turn around and watch the girls fight._

Chandler: You can't buy entertainment like this.

Ross: I know, right?

_Chandler and Ross throw pillows to Monica and Rachel, as they keep fighting with Annette. Scene ends and opens in Mike and Phoebe's apartment. Mike and Joey are sitting on the couch. Enter Phoebe from the bedroom._

Phoebe: Hey, Joey. What're you doing here? I thought you had a date.

Joey: I did, but it ended early.

Phoebe: Crazy?

Joey: BEYOND crazy.

Mike: Honey, can you help me out here? Joey doesn't seem to believe me that Annette's falling in love with him.

Joey: Because she's not! She's been here about a month and a half, living with me for that long. I highly doubt she's falling in love with me.

Phoebe: Joey, here's a question for you. How long did it take Chandler and Monica to fall in love?

_Long pause._

Phoebe: Joey?

Joey: Don't interrupt, I'm thinking.

Phoebe: Think of Monica and Chandler, not the bridesmaids.

Joey: I'm not!

Phoebe: Joey…

Joey: Okay, fine. Monica and Chandler, Monica and Chandler, Monica and Chandler…

_A pause. Joey snaps his fingers._

Joey: As soon as we got back! Although, they WERE hiding it…ooh, I should challenge Chandler to a game of hide-and-seek!

Phoebe: Joey! Focus!

Joey: Right, sorry.

Phoebe: It didn't take Monica and Chandler long to fall in love. It won't take Annette long to fall in love with you.

Joey: Yeah, but Monica and Chandler knew each other for years before they started dating.

Mike: He's got a point, honey.

Phoebe: Whose side are you on, here?

_Mike turns back to the TV._

Phoebe: That's what I thought.

_Phoebe turns to Joey._

Phoebe: Annette's been living with you for almost two months. Why would you think she wouldn't be falling in love with you?

Joey: Well, she hasn't said or done anything to give me or anyone that idea.

Phoebe: Hasn't said or done…? Joey, she's been throwing you hints for weeks now! What does she have to do, walk naked in front of you?

_Mike turns to them and opens his mouth. Phoebe points a finger at him._

Phoebe: Don't you say a word.

_Mike closes his mouth._

Phoebe: Joey, I want you to promise me you'll go home and ask Annette on a date. Trust me; she really wants to be with you.

Joey: Okay, I'll go and ask her. But if she says no, I'm going out with the next woman I see.

_Phoebe shoves Joey toward the door._

Phoebe: Go!

Joey: I'm going, I'm going!

_Joey leaves. Phoebe sits next to Mike on the couch._

Mike: I hope you know what you're doing. Annette's gonna make life a lot more complicated for him.

Phoebe: He'll be fine. Much like my lobsters, those two are meant for each other.

_Mike laughs, and pulls Phoebe in for a kiss. Scene ends and opens in Joey and Annette's apartment. Annette is sitting in her recliner, holding Duck Jr._

Annette: So when do you think Daddy will be home?

_Duck Jr. quacks. Annette nods, and sighs._

Annette: Yeah, I agree. I've been spending too much time with Phoebe, if I'm holding a conversation with you.

_Annette sets Duck Jr. on the floor, who wanders off. Enter Joey._

Annette: Hey.

Joey: Hey. How was your night?

Annette: Painful. Monica and Rachel were beating on me with pillows.

Joey: I missed a catfight? Dammit!

Annette: Hurting you for that comment later. Oh, Phoebe called. Said you wanted to ask me something?

_Joey looks uncomfortable._

Joey: Yeah. Are you doing anything next week?

Annette: I thought I might put on my tights, and go save the city from my evil nemesis.

Joey: You're busy? Okay, good night.

_Joey starts heading for his room. Annette grabs his hand and yanks him back toward her._

Annette: Hold it. Why are you asking, anyway?

Joey: To see if you had plans with Gunther or one of your co-workers.

Annette: Nope.

Joey: Do you wanna have dinner next week?

_Annette gasps._

Annette: Joey, are you serious?

Joey: Yeah. That's why Phoebe was calling. Well, actually, she wanted me to ask you on a date, but I'll settle for dinner.

Annette: What if I say no?

Joey: Then I'll ask the next person I set eyes on.

Annette: Close your eyes.

_Joey looks confused, and closes his eyes._

Annette: Okay, now open them.

_Joey opens his eyes, to see Annette standing right in front of him, smiling._

Annette: Since I'm the next person you saw, consider this a yes.

_Joey grins, and pulls her into a hug._

Joey: This isn't an official date, mind you. It's just getting everyone off of us.

Annette: I'll think of something to prank them with.

_Joey laughs, and pulls Annette into another hug. Credits roll._

**CREDIT SCENE**

_Scene opens in Central Perk. Ross and Rachel are sitting on the couch._

Ross: I have a question for you.

Rachel: What's that?

Ross: If I asked you nicely, would you ever dress up like Annette did for that dancing job?

Rachel: When you get that sailor uniform again, I might.

_A pause. Ross and Rachel jump up._

Ross: I'll call the costume shop.

Rachel: I'll ask Annette if I can borrow her outfit.

_Ross and Rachel race out the door._

**(A/N I'm gonna address a ? I get asked a lot: "Who could play Annette on the show?" Here's my answer to that: I'M NOT PICKING SOMEONE. Why should I pick someone for you, reader? If I do that, you're stuck with a pick you might not agree with. So my answer? Pick your own person. **** Don't be tied down to my choice.)**


	12. The One With The Dinner Date

**(A/N Because you fans asked for it, I shall deliver. The bonus episode! (Although 13 might be a week late, still working out some plot details for that one.) Enjoy!)**

_Scene opens in Central Perk. Rachel and Phoebe are sitting on the couch. Annette is sitting in the armchair._

Phoebe: Are you looking forward to your date with Joey tonight?

Annette: It's not a date, we're just having dinner.

Rachel: Honey, that's called a date.

Annette: Whatever.

_A pause._

Annette (squealing): I'm going on a date with Joey!

_Rachel and Phoebe join Annette in a hug, as the women bounce in their seats._

Rachel: Oh my god, this is so awesome! You two are going on a date!

Annette: I know! And the best part? No Monica to help me "plan" this date, either. I wonder what Joey's doing to get ready?

_Scene changes to Joey and Annette's apartment. Joey and Chandler are sitting on the recliners, watching Baywatch._

Chandler: Shouldn't you be getting ready for your date?

_Joey raises his arms, and Chandler sprays him with body spray._

Joey: Ready.

_Chandler nods in approval, and turns back to Baywatch. Theme song and title sequence plays._

**So no one told you life was gonna be this way.  
Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's DOA.  
It's like you're always stuck in second gear.  
Well, it hasn't been your day, week, month, or even your year.**

**But, I'll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour.  
I'll be there for you, like I've been there before.  
I'll be there for you, cause you're there for me too.**

_Scene opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Ross, Rachel, and Monica are sitting at the table. Enter Annette._

Annette: Hey.

Ross: Hey, Annette.

_Annette turns to Rachel._

Annette: I need to borrow your black pumps, sapphire earrings, and a baseball bat, if you have them.

Rachel: I have two of those three.

Ross: Why do you need a bat?

Annette: To beat Joey with.

Ross: Stupid question for me to ask…

_Ross stands up, and walks out the door. Annette turns to Rachel._

Annette: Where's he going?

Monica: Probably getting Joey ready for whatever you two are doing.

Annette: We're having dinner tonight.

Monica: What? You two have a DATE?

Annette (sarcastically): No, I thought I'd dress up, and cook Hamburger Helper for us. Nothing quite like splattering grease to ruin my dress.

Monica: You've been spending time with Chandler, haven't you?

Annette: Some.

Monica: Did you use my plan? I even color-coded it for you.

Annette: Uh…yes! Yes we did. Only we're picking a different restaurant for dinner tonight.

Monica: Why?

_Annette opens her mouth to answer, but is interrupted by Ross entering._

Ross: Rach, where's the bag of chips at?

Rachel: In the cupboard, I think.

_Ross crosses the room, and takes the chips before heading for the door again._

Rachel: Why do you need chips? We ate dinner an hour ago.

Ross: Carrot. It was this, or you naked to get him off that chair.

Annette: What'd he turn on?

Ross: Baywatch.

_Annette groans._

Annette: I KNEW I shoulda broken that stupid tape.

Ross: Don't feel bad, Chandler's just as mesmerized.

Monica: Chandler's WHAT?

_Monica stands up and heads for the door._

Monica: MOVE.

_Ross moves away from the door, as Monica exits. Scene ends and opens in Joey and Annette's apartment. Annette is standing in the bathroom, putting on make-up. Joey and Ross are standing in the kitchen._

Joey: Okay, so you'll make sure they have their paper changed at nine, right?

Ross: Yup.

Joey: And you know to reach me if there's an emergency?

Ross: Joey, they're BIRDS. Emma could take care of them.

Joey: But they're my babies!

_Joey tears up, as he hands the box with Chick and Duck Jr. to Ross. Annette walks out of the bathroom, and grabs his arm._

Annette: Come on, Daddy. Let them fly on their own. I am NOT missing dinner.

_Annette drags Joey out the door. Scene ends and opens in Central Perk. Mike, Phoebe, and Monica are sitting on the couch. Chandler is sitting in the armchair. Ross is sitting in the chair at the end table, Rachel in his lap._

Mike: I wonder how their dinner date's going.

Chandler: Since there's no sound of panic in the streets or National Guard troops driving by, I'd say it's going good.

Monica: It would've been better if they used my plan.

Chandler: Honey, they're having DINNER. I doubt marriage and kids is gonna come from a dinner date.

Monica: That was just Phase One!

Ross: You didn't plan their whole relationship, did you?

Monica: Well…

_Ross and Chandler groan._

Ross: Monica, you're obsessing again. What'd you do, make a plan for all of our relationships?

Monica: No, of course not! Just…yours and theirs.

_Rachel stares at her._

Rachel: You PLANNED my relationship with Ross?

Monica: Well, he wasn't asking you out!

Chandler: Oh, she means from when you moved into the city.

Monica: Uh…yeah.

Ross: Monica!

Monica: Oh, come on, Ross! Even Mom and Dad saw how much you wanted Rachel back then. I think the only person who DIDN'T see it was her.

Ross: So you made a plan to get me to ask her out? I'm just glad you don't still have it.

_Monica looks away. _

Ross: Monica!

Monica: Well, maybe I can use it for Jack when he's old enough!

Mike: Now I remember why I hang out with you guys so much. This is better than prime time TV.

_Everyone turns to stare at him. Enter Annette and Joey._

Annette: God, Joey! He was NOT hitting on me, let it go!

Joey: I'm sorry, but a guy walking up to you and staring at your chest as he compliments your dress IS hitting on you!

Annette: We were walking through the fashion district! You didn't ask why that guy in the make-up was complimenting YOUR clothes?

Joey: I thought he was gay!

Annette: Actually, that would explain why you suddenly grabbed my ass.

_Several heads turn toward Annette. Annette looks back._

Annette: I work here. So unless you want salt in your coffee, go back to what you were doing.

_Everyone looks away._

Annette: That's better.

Mike: So how was dinner?

Annette: It was all right. It's the AFTER dinner scene that wasn't.

Chandler: So we heard.

Rachel: What happened?

Joey: Well, dinner was fine, until we got out. I decided to ask if she wanted to take a walk through the Park.

Annette: Except that he failed to remember that the Park is NOWHERE near where we had dinner at.

Joey: So, we decided to go walking through the fashion district. Where we were BOTH hit on by a bunch of guys.

Annette: And for the last time, he was NOT hitting on me!

Joey: Whatever. I'm gonna go check on the kids.

_Joey leaves. Annette grins._

Phoebe: What's that smile for?

Annette: That guy was totally hitting on me. And seeing Joey get jealous? Bonus.

Mike: Just who's idea was it to go walking through an area where men were gonna be hitting on you?

Annette: Um…

Mike: Annette!

Annette: Hey, I got my ass grabbed by Joey. I'm pleased, you be quiet.

_Monica looks at Chandler, with a smug look._

Monica: Phase Two.

Annette: Phase Two of what?

Rachel: Monica's master plan to get you and Joey together.

Annette: YEAH, I kinda meant to give that back to you.

_Annette hands the binder with Monica's plan in it to her._

Annette: I'm going with my own master plan.

Monica: What? But…but I color-coded it, and everything!

Chandler: Come on, honey. Let's go home and clean the house.

Monica: Color-coded…

_Chandler stands up, and leads a shell-shocked Monica out. Annette stares after them, concern on her face._

Annette: Is she gonna be okay?

Ross: Oh, yeah. That's pretty normal for her, when something doesn't go according to her plans.

_Annette shrugs, and sits down in the armchair. Phoebe turns to Mike._

Phoebe: Honey, I'm gonna head back home. I'm feeling kinda tired, and I wanna see if they called yet.

Mike: Okay. I'll see you when I get home. Love you.

Phoebe: Love you, too.

_Phoebe kisses Mike. Rachel looks at Ross._

Rachel: Why don't you ever say that to me in front of people?

Annette: Because you two are so sweet, it makes us all gag.

_Rachel sticks her tongue out at Annette. Scene ends and opens in Monica and Chandler's living room. Monica is sitting on the couch, holding Erica._

Monica: You'll let Mommy help you plan your dating life, won't you?

_Erica smiles at Monica. Monica sighs._

Monica: You're a little young to be interested in boys, yet. Maybe Emma will let me.

_Enter Chandler, holding Jack._

Chandler: I doubt Rachel will let you have that kind of control over Emma's love life.

Monica: But I wanna use my plan! It was perfect!

_Chandler leans down and kisses Monica._

Monica: Okay, now you're just trying to distract me.

Chandler: Yes, that was my ONLY reason for kissing my wife.

_Monica looks down at the twins, and sighs._

Monica: Maybe one of them will let me use my plan.

Chandler: I doubt it. But I'll tell you what.

Monica: What?

Chandler: I'll let you plan a date for us this weekend. Everything. Where we eat, what I wear, all the details. I'll ask Phoebe and Mike if they can watch the twins for us, and we'll go out.

_Monica beams at him._

Monica: You'd really do that for me?

Chandler: Yep.

_Monica pulls Chandler in for a kiss._

Monica: How about we put the kids down for a nap, and I show you how much I love my husband?

Chandler: I'd say that sounds like a great idea.

_Monica smiles, and heads upstairs with Chandler behind her. Scene ends and opens in Central Perk. Rachel, Phoebe, and Ross are sitting on the couch. Mike is sitting in the armchair. Annette is working behind the counter._

Ross: So what do you guys feel like doing tonight?

Phoebe: Oh, I don't know. Maybe take in a movie?

Rachel: We could see the new Adam Sandler movie. People say that Jennifer Aniston looks a lot like me, although I don't really see it.

_Enter a suave, handsome man in a custom Armani suit. Rachel turns and stares at him._

Rachel: WOW! Hunk alert, Phoebe. Just walked in.

_Phoebe, Ross, and Mike turn to stare at the newcomer. Mike suddenly tenses up. Phoebe turns to Mike._

Phoebe: Mike, what's wrong?

Mike: Trouble. Where's Joey?

Ross: We haven't seen him all day. Why, what's the matter?

Mike: That's Annette's ex-boyfriend.

_The man walks over to the counter, and leans on it._

Man (British accent): Hello, love.

_Annette looks up, and her jaw drops._

Annette: Paul?

Paul: Glad to see I'm so fondly remembered.

Annette: What're you doing here?

Paul: Came to see you, love. That, and to check on some of my real estate investments.

_Paul looks around._

Paul: So, this is where you ended up at, eh? I guess your parents were telling the truth, after all. Might explain the shame in their voices.

_Mike walks up to them._

Mike: Hello, Paul.

Paul: Mike! Good to see you again, guvnor!

Mike: I wish I could say the same, but I'm not that big of a liar. What're you doing here?

Paul: I came by to see my fiancée.

Annette: I am NOT engaged to you! Do you remember what happened?

Paul: You ran out because you had cold feet. Well, that's okay. When you're done sewing whatever wild oats you have, I'll still be ready for you. Just hope you get this "work for a living" thing out of your system soon.

_Paul heads for the door, and turns back to her._

Paul: Ciao.

_Paul blows her a kiss, and walks out. Annette growls._

Annette: The NERVE of that slimy little weasel…

_Ross, Rachel, and Phoebe walk over._

Rachel: Who was that?

Annette: My ex. He inherited a multi-million dollar fortune from his parents, and doubled it in the stock market. He thinks because he has all that money, that women just swoon for his attention. He doesn't take no for an answer to anything.

Phoebe: How did you meet him?

Annette: Long story. I'll tell you when I'm off shift. I just hope I can catch up to Joey before Paul does.

Ross: You're too late.

_Ross points out the window. Joey is standing next to Paul with a hurt expression on his face. Paul smiles, and gets into a limousine waiting next to the curb for him. Joey starts walking away. Annette gasps._

Annette: Gunther, cover me!

_Annette runs out the door after Joey. Ross, Rachel, Phoebe, and Mike watch as Annette grabs Joey's arm, and talks to him. Annette's face changes from pleading to hurt from Joey's reply, as Joey pulls his arm loose and walks away. Annette comes back into the coffee shop._

Annette: Gunther, could I take an early day today?

_Gunther notices the hurt expression on Annette's face._

Gunther: Yeah, go ahead. In fact, take off as much time as you need.

Annette: Thank you.

_Annette turns and slowly walks out, as soft sobs start escaping her. Phoebe and Mike start after her. Rachel turns to Ross._

Rachel: Can you find Joey? I'm gonna go and make sure she's okay.

_Ross nods._

Ross: I'll call Chandler and Monica, ask them to help me, too.

Rachel: Okay. I'll see you at home.

_Rachel follows Phoebe and Mike out the door. Scene ends and opens in Central Perk. Ross is sitting on the couch. Enter Chandler._

Chandler: Hey.

Ross: Hey.

Chandler: Did you find him?

Ross: No. After he walked away from out front, he disappeared. I don't know where he went off to. He's not in any of his usual hangout spots, either. Where's Monica?

Chandler: Upstairs with the rest of them. Annette's really upset. What'd that guy say to Joey, anyway?

Ross: I don't know.

_Enter Mike._

Mike: Hey, guys.

Ross: Hey.

Mike: Did you find Joey?

Chandler: Not yet. I just got here, and Ross said he hasn't seen him since he stormed off.

Ross: How's Annette?

Mike: We got her calmed down, but she's heartbroken. We really need to talk to Joey.

Chandler: Only place I can think of to check is their apartment.

Mike: Why would he be there? We should be checking all the restaurants in the city.

Chandler: Already did. We have the Underground Chef Network checking for him.

_Ross and Mike stare at Chandler._

Ross: The Underground Chef Network?

Chandler: You never heard of it.

Mike: Heard of what?

Chandler: Exactly.

_Ross and Mike look at each other, and shake their heads._

Chandler: Anyway, let's go check their apartment.

Ross: Good idea.

_Ross, Mike, and Chandler leave. Scene ends and opens in Joey and Annette's apartment. Joey is sitting in the recliner, staring at the TV. Enter Chandler, Ross, and Mike._

Ross: Joey! Thank God, we were looking all over the city for you!

Joey: I'm here.

Chandler: Uh, Joey…how exactly did you get in? No one heard you come up the stairs.

Joey: Fire escape.

Chandler: That's…ingenious.

Ross: No kidding.

_Chandler stares at the blank screen on the TV._

Chandler: Whatcha watching?

Joey: Nothing.

Ross: You okay?

Joey: Yeah.

_Mike walks over._

Mike: Joey, will you talk to Annette? She's really upset right now.

Joey: No.

Chandler: Joey, come on, man.

Joey: Not now, Chandler.

Chandler: Joey…

_Joey stands up, and yells at Chandler._

Joey: I SAID NOT NOW!

_Ross, Mike, and Chandler stare at Joey in disbelief._

Joey: Maybe you should all leave.

_Joey sits back down, and stares at the blank TV screen. Ross, Chandler, and Mike head for the door. Mike pauses._

Mike: I don't know what Paul told you, Joey, but maybe you should consider this: Annette's been living here with you for over a month and a half. She could have dated any number of guys that come into the coffee shop, but she wants to be with you. She didn't marry Paul, nor does she want to. If you won't listen to her, then listen to the facts.

_Mike leaves. Scene ends and opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Annette is sitting on the couch, next to Rachel and Phoebe. Monica is in the kitchen, getting ice cream from the freezer. Enter Ross, Mike, and Chandler._

Ross: Hey.

Rachel: Hi.

Phoebe: Did you find him?

Chandler: Yeah, he's across the hall in his apartment.

_Monica looks over in shock._

Monica: How did he get in there without us hearing? I strung cans across the hall to listen for!

Ross: We know. Chandler tripped over them.

Phoebe: THAT explains the loud crash and "DAMMIT!" we heard!

_Annette looks over_

Annette: Is he okay?

Mike: He's fine. But he doesn't wanna talk to you or anyone right now.

_Annette stars crying again._

Rachel: Honey, it's okay. You can stay with us for as long as you want.

Annette: I feel like I lost him! And I just started getting close with him!

Phoebe: Give him a little bit, Annette. He'll come around.

Mike: And in the meantime, Paul better hope he doesn't run into any of us.

Annette (whispering): I love him.

Phoebe: We know. And he loves you. Just give him time.

_Annette looks over at the front door. Scene changes to Joey and Annette's apartment. Joey is sitting in his recliner, facing his front door. A hurtful expression is on his face. Credits roll._

**CREDITS SCENE**

_Scene opens in Mike and Phoebe's apartment. Mike is sitting on the couch. Enter Phoebe from their bedroom._

Phoebe: Honey? I almost forgot to tell you, in all the excitement today: the doctor's office called.

Mike: What'd they say?

Phoebe: The test results came in.

Mike: And what were they?

_Phoebe takes a deep breath._

Phoebe: I'm…

**(A/N For the final scene with Joey and Annette, insert any sad song you want. And this gang doesn't do well with Brits, do they? No offense to any Brits that read this is intended.)**


	13. The One With Huggsy

_Scene opens in Central Perk. Phoebe, Rachel, and Chandler are sitting on the couch. Monica is sitting in the armchair. Ross is sitting in the chair at the end table. Annette is working at the counter._

Phoebe: How is she?

Ross: Well, she finally stopped the midnight crying about two nights ago.

Phoebe: That's good.

Rachel: Yeah, but then the ice cream started disappearing.

Chandler: You sure that's not Joey's doing?

Ross: Positive.

Chandler: How do you know?

Ross: The fridge was still full.

Chandler: You got a point there_. _

_Enter Mike._

Mike: Hey, guys.

_Greetings float back. Mike gestures to Annette._

Mike: How is she?

Rachel: She's doing better. The midnight crying's stopped, and we got her to get out and do things.

Ross: Though we're gonna be investing heavily in ice cream and tissues.

Mike: Well, Joey will be here in a moment, maybe they'll talk this out.

Monica: How did you get Joey to come down here?

Mike: I told him the hot dog vendor outside was giving away free hot dogs, but the vouchers were in here.

_The door slams open, and Joey enters in his shorts._

Joey: Vouchers! Now!

_Everyone stares at him, as Chandler takes out his cell phone. _

Chandler: Facebook moment. Smile!

_Chandler snaps a picture. Theme song & title sequence plays._

**So no one told you life was gonna be this way.  
Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's DOA.  
It's like you're always stuck in second gear.  
Well, it hasn't been your day, week, month, or even your year.**

**But, I'll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour.  
I'll be there for you, like I've been there before.  
I'll be there for you, cause you're there for me too.**

_Scene opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Ross, Rachel, and Mike are sitting at the table. _

Ross: Well Mike, I gotta hand it to you: you did get Joey into the coffee shop.

Mike: Yeah, but getting him down in his shorts wasn't really my plan. And I thought the poor vendor was gonna have a heart attack, too.

Rachel: A screaming Italian man in his shorts, demanding free hot dogs? The poor guy must've thought Joey escaped from the asylum.

Ross: Yeah, and getting maced in the face didn't help, either. At least he got a free hot dog out of it.

Mike: AFTER I explained to the poor guy what was going on.

_Enter Chandler and Annette._

Annette: Hey.

Mike: Hey. How you feeling?

Annette: Fine.

_Annette turns to Ross and Rachel._

Annette: I'm gonna take a walk in the park.

_Annette leaves. Chandler shakes his head._

Mike: Did they talk?

Chandler: Not really. The most we got was Annette flushing Joey's eyes, Joey saying thanks, then asking the vendor if he could have some of that mace on his hot dog.

Rachel: Why?

Chandler: Apparently, because it was hot enough to open his sinuses.

Mike: Isn't that stuff a little dangerous to be eating?

Chandler: I've seen Joey eat half a burger someone threw in a trash can. AFTER dropping it on the ground.

Ross: Vendor refused?

Chandler: Yeah. He gave Joey some peppers. Last I saw of him, he headed back upstairs, so I'm guessing he's back in his apartment.

_Mike stands up._

Mike: I'll be back a little later. I need to check into a few things.

_Mike starts to exit, as Monica and Phoebe enter._

Mike: Is Annette still out walking?

Phoebe: No, she's in the coffee shop.

Mike: Good, I need to talk to her for a moment.

_Mike exits. Monica turns to Ross and Rachel._

Monica: Do you two have plans tonight?

Ross: Yeah, mending a broken heart.

Monica: You're free? Good, you can watch Jack and Erica for me and Chandler tonight.

Ross: Are you doing that selective hearing thing that you did when we were kids, when Mom and Dad said you couldn't organize the house?

_No answer._

Ross: Mon.

_No answer._

Ross: Monica!

_No answer. Ross gets up and leaves the room._

Rachel: Mon?

Monica: Yeah?

Rachel: We really can't watch the kids, we're still dealing with Annette.

Phoebe: I can watch them for you.

Monica: Really? Thanks, Phoebe!

_Monica hugs Phoebe, and then turns to Chandler._

Monica: Get your clothes changed; we have dinner reservations at eight.

Chandler: Why was I not informed of this until now?

Monica: I told you three days ago!

Chandler: I was watching Baywatch with Joey! You could've asked me for a spare kidney to sell on the black market, and I would've agreed to it!

Monica: Well, you still said yes to going out tonight, so let's go. We have to get ready!

_Monica shoves a protesting Chandler out the door. Scene ends and opens in Joey and Annette's apartment. Joey is sitting in his recliner, watching TV. Enter Mike, holding a pizza._

Mike: Hey, Joey.

_Joey turns around, and points at the door. Mike holds up the pizza._

Mike: Peace offering.

_Joey stares at the pizza._

Joey: Pepperoni?

Mike: Thin crust, New York style.

Joey: The offering is acceptable. The gods are satisfied.

_Mike grins, and sets the pizza on the table between the two chairs. He sits down in the chair next to Joey._

Mike: So what's on TV?

Joey: I don't know, I was just channel surfing.

Mike: Bored?

Joey: Yup.

_Mike walks over to the DVDs._

Mike: How about some Die Hard?

Joey: Sounds good. Mind grabbing me a beer?

Mike: Sure.

_Mike walks over to the fridge and grabs two beers, as Annette walks in. She pauses, seeing Joey in his chair._

Annette: Oh. Hi.

Joey: Hey.

Annette: I, um…I-I just need some clothes from my room.

Joey: Oh. Okay.

_Annette walks into her room. Mike looks at her door, then to Joey._

Mike: You guys didn't talk anything out yet?

Joey: Nothing to really talk out. Paul told me all there is to know.

Mike: Joey, do you KNOW Paul?

Joey: Somewhat.

Mike: What do you know?

Joey: That he was wearing a designer suit that Rachel would kill to see Ross dressed in, for one.

Mike: I don't think Ross could afford the SHOES he was wearing, in all honesty. I think those alone would cost him at least four month's pay.

Joey: Yeah, but Rachel would love him forever.

_Annette walks out, in a black strapless dress. Mike looks at her._

Mike: Where are you headed?

Annette: Dinner.

Mike: With who?

Annette: My date.

Mike: Yeah, THAT answers a lot of questions.

Annette: It did, didn't it? I feel better, now that we've chatted.

_Annette walks into the bathroom. Enter Rachel._

Rachel: Hey, guys.

Joey and Mike: Hey.

Rachel: Joey, can I borrow Huggsy? Emma lost her teddy bear, and we can't get her to stop crying, and go to sleep. Not even her favorite lullaby is working tonight.

_Annette pokes her head out of the bathroom._

Annette: Who's Huggsy?

Joey: Nothing! He's no one!

_Joey gets up and slams his bedroom door shut. Annette stares in suspicion._

Annette: Joey, WHO is Huggsy?

Joey: Nobody!

_Enter Ross._

Ross: I found Emma's teddy. It was behind her crib.

Rachel: Great! Wait, if you're here, who's watching her?

Ross: Phoebe.

Rachel: Phoebe left over an hour ago.

_Ross and Rachel share a look, and run out the door. Annette watches them go, then points a finger at Joey._

Annette: You're not getting off that easy. I wanna know who Huggsy is.

Joey: Uh…the TV!

Mike: I thought you named the TV Stevie.

_Joey stomps on his foot. Mike grimaces in pain._

Mike: No, you're right. That's the TV.

_Annette glares at Joey, and closes the bathroom door. Joey starts for his bedroom, as Annette opens the bathroom door again._

Annette: And another thing.

_Joey whirls around, backing away from his bedroom. Annette glances at him, eyebrow raised, before turning her attention to Mike._

Annette: There will be no telling anyone anything tonight.

Mike: Unless you can come up with a valid reason for me not to, there will be much telling.

Annette: Chinatown, 96.

_Mike pales._

Mike: You win. I won't say a word to anyone.

Annette: I knew you'd see it my way.

_Annette smiles, and shuts the bathroom door. Scene ends and opens in Central Perk. Phoebe, Monica, and Joey are sitting on the couch. Ross and Rachel are sharing the armchair. Chandler is sitting in the chair at the end table. Enter Mike._

Mike: Hey.

_Mike looks around._

Mike: Good, you're all here.

Chandler: Really? We are? Thank God, I thought I was IMAGINING everyone sitting here.

Mike: Monica?

_Monica throws a muffin at Chandler._

Chandler: Hey!

Mike: Thank you.

Monica: You're welcome.

Mike: So, anyway. The reason I asked you all down here is so I can talk to you about Annette before she gets back.

Joey: What about her?

_Enter Annette, behind Mike._

Annette: Yes Mike, what about her?

_Mike whirls around._

Mike: Annette!

Chandler: Is THAT who she is? Gosh, I'm so glad you were here to clear that up for me.

Mike: Honey?

_Phoebe reaches over and smacks Chandler._

Chandler: Ow! What is it with you people and hitting and throwing things at me tonight?

Monica: Behave yourself, and you won't get hit.

Annette: So, what about me?

Mike: They need to know, Annette.

Annette: No! I'll deal with Paul the same way I dealt with him last time.

Mike: Yeah, I don't think you're gonna find a juggling bear on short notice, or on the money you're making right now.

Annette: Hey, if that clown hadn't fallen off in the middle of the unicycle ride, he would've sufficed last time.

Mike: I TOLD you to go with the midget wrestlers!

Annette: Explain to me how midget wrestlers are gonna scare off Paul, Mike.

Mike: Head butt to the groin.

_A pause._

Annette: Okay, you got a point there.

Ross: Ahem!

_Mike and Annette turn to Ross._

Ross: You were gonna tell the story behind Annette and Paul?

_Mike turns to Annette._

Mike: Tell them, Annette. Or I will.

_Annette sighs._

Annette: Okay, here's the deal: I used to be a model. I met Paul at a shoot in Paris. It was a whirlwind romance, and we were engaged in about four months. We were going to be married at the Eiffel Tower.

Monica: What happened?

Annette: I found out he was using me.

Mike: Paul leads a bit of what you'd call a "playboy" lifestyle. One of the stipulations of his inheritance was that he be married before he turns thirty.

Annette: So he proposed to me. We were going to be married, until I found him in bed with another one of the models. I broke the engagement, left the shoot, and came to New York.

Mike: Which is where she found me, married to Phoebe and hanging out with you guys.

Annette: And you guys know the rest.

Rachel: Why did you give up modeling?

Annette: I want to be an actress. Also, it's a good way to hide from Paul. Unless it has mindless violence, or naked women, he won't watch it.

Phoebe: Sounds like Joey.

_Joey stands up._

Chandler: Where are you going?

Joey: To go get Huggsy for Emma.

Annette: WHO is this Huggsy?

Rachel: Oh, Huggsy is Joey's-

Joey: Imaginary friend!

Rachel: What? No, he's not!

_Rachel turns to Annette._

Rachel: You've been living with him all this time, and he never showed you Huggsy?

Ross: Joey, we found her teddy bear. Remember?

Joey: Oh, yeah.

Annette: I still wanna know who Huggsy is.

Joey: No you don't! And he's not in my room!

_Annette stares at Joey, turns around, and takes off running for the door._

Joey: Where's she going?

Chandler: Well, I'm not good at reading minds, but my guess is she's going to look for Huggsy in your room.

Joey: Oh, crap!

_Joey runs out after Annette. Scene ends and opens in Joey and Annette's apartment. The door opens, showing Joey and Annette fighting to get in. Joey shoves Annette aside, runs over to his room, and stands in front of his door._

Annette: Joey, MOVE.

Joey: No way! You're not going into my private sanctum!

Annette: I've been in there numerous times already! What's in there that you're trying to hide from me?

Joey: Nothing!

Annette: Well, if you won't move, I guess I'll have to eat that entire large pepperoni pizza I ordered all by myself.

Joey: Large pepper…wait a minute, you ate dinner! You went on a date for that!

Annette: Dammit! I was SURE the pizza would work!

_Annette grabs his arm, and yanks him away from the door. Joey turns around and grabs her waist, keeping her from his room. Enter Ross, Rachel, Chandler, and Monica. Joey and Annette continue struggling._

Chandler: Ahem.

_Joey and Annette freeze, and turn around to see their friends standing in the kitchen._

Joey and Annette: Hi!

Monica: What're you two doing?

Joey: Uh…rehearsing!

_Chandler grins._

Chandler: Really? We wondered what the racket was, but THIS answers it for us.

Joey: Yep, just rehearsing. Isn't that right, Annette?

Annette: Yep! What're you guys doing here?

Ross: We were on our way home, when we heard the racket you two were making from the stairs.

Annette: I hope we didn't wake up Emma.

Rachel: I doubt it. She could sleep through a bomb going off next to her bed.

Ross: Honey, that's BEN who can sleep through that. Not Emma.

Rachel: Crap!

_Rachel runs out the door._

Ross: When you two are done "rehearsing", why don't you come over to our place for a while? Phoebe and Mike are there.

Joey: Okay.

_Ross, Chandler and Monica exit. Joey looks at Annette._

Joey: Are you gonna try to get in my room?

Annette: Not right now.

_Joey lets go of Annette._

Annette: But sooner or later, I'm gonna get to the bottom of this Huggsy thing!

_Joey waves his hand in front of her face._

Joey: There is no Huggsy.

Annette: Joey, I hate to break it to you, but you're not a Jedi.

_Joey waves his hand._

Joey: Yes, I am.

Annette: Well, mind tricks don't work on redhead models.

Joey: Since when?

Annette: Since always! It's a rule.

Joey: Stupid rule.

Annette: Blame the Dark Side of the Force.

_Annette shoves him toward the door._

Annette: Let's go.

_Scene ends and opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Monica, Phoebe, and Annette are sitting at the table, drinking coffee. Ross and Chandler are at the computer desk. Mike and Joey are sitting on the couch, watching TV. Rachel is heard singing Baby Got Back from Emma's room._

Annette: So, this is odd.

Monica: What is?

Annette: Sitting here, doing the same thing we do at the coffee house.

Monica: How is that odd?

Annette: Have we ever done anything ELSE?

_A pause._

Monica, Phoebe, and Annette: Meh.

_Monica, Phoebe, and Annette shrug, and take a drink of coffee. Enter Rachel._

Rachel: Ugh, she's FINALLY asleep. And let me tell you something, after three renditions of Baby Got Back, that song is not gonna leave my head for days.

_Rachel smacks Ross as she walks by._

Ross: Ow! What was that for?

Rachel: You were the one who got her hooked on that when she was a baby!

Ross: Well, it made her laugh!

_Rachel sits down at the table. Monica looks over._

Monica: What're you doing, anyway?

Ross: Looking for an mp3 version of that song, so we can put it on an iPod for Emma to listen to. That way, we don't have to keep singing it every night.

Rachel: I'M the one singing it every night, you know.

Ross: Your voice is better than mine.

_Rachel smiles. Annette looks at her._

Annette: You're not mad at him?

Rachel: No, I'm mad. But I can't hit him for paying me a compliment.

_Annette grins, as a knock is heard on the door. Rachel looks at Ross in confusion._

Rachel: Were you expecting anybody?

Joey: Maybe it's that pizza I ordered.

Chandler: Yes, I'm sure the pizza guy is going to knock on their door instead of yours, because their spider-sense told them you were over here.

Annette: You ordered a pizza?

Joey: I was hungry. I didn't eat dinner.

_Joey gets up and opens the door. Paul is standing on the other side._

Paul: Ah, Johnny. Just the bloke I wanted to see.

Joey: It's "Joey". And what do you want?

Paul: Just to talk, mate. That's all.

_Mike gets up, and walks over to the door._

Mike: Speak your piece, and get lost. No one wants you here, Paul.

Paul: All right. Here's my offer: I'll give you five million dollars, to say good-bye to Annette.

_Paul looks at Joey._

Paul: And I'll give you an extra five million if you'll marry us. I know you're an officiated minister. So that's ten million dollars, more than you'd make in a season on that soap opera you work on.

_Annette gasps._

Annette: Of all the slimy, low-down things you've done, this has to be the lowest. I can't believe you wanna buy my roommate off.

_Paul holds up a check._

Paul: I have the money right here. All you need to do is say yes. So, what do you say, Jerry?

_Joey takes the check from Paul, looks at it, and then crumbles it into a ball before dropping it on the floor at his feet._

Joey: I say you better get the hell out of here. And if I ever catch you near or hear of you causing trouble for Annette, my friends, or the coffee shop, I'll hunt you down and beat the hell out of you. Now get out of here, and don't ever let me see you again.

_Paul looks at the check on the floor, then at Joey._

Paul: Bad move, Jimmy. I'll be back.

Joey: It's "Joey". And you better hope I don't see or hear of you.

_Paul leaves, as Joey shuts the door. Annette looks at Joey, stands up, and walks over to him. Joey looks at her, as Annette pulls him into a hug._

Annette (whispering): Thank you.

Joey: You're welcome.

_Joey hugs Annette back. Credits roll._

**CREDITS SCENE**

_Scene opens in Joey and Annette's apartment. Joey is sitting on the couch, reading Dr. Seuss to Huggsy. Enter Annette._

Annette: Hey, Joey. I'm ho-

_Joey throws the book behind the couch, and sticks Huggsy on the couch next to him. Annette grins._

Annette: Joey, what's that?

Joey: Nothing. One of Emma's stuffed animals.

Annette: Is that Huggsy?

Joey: …no.

Annette: Lemme see!

_Joey grabs Huggsy and runs for his room, as Annette runs over to block him. Joey throws Huggsy into his room, and slams the door._

Joey: See? Nothing there.

Annette: You have a stuffed animal! That's so adorable!

_Joey waves his hand._

Joey: There is no Huggsy.

Annette: Joey. Redhead model rule.

Joey: Dammit!

**(A/N Okay, this is the regularly scheduled one. And I have a new poll on my profile, for the season finale. THIS one is going to be a blind poll, but I need you all to vote on it, anyway. The winning decision will be the plot for the season finale. And it's blind, to avoid spoilers.)**


	14. The One With Annette's Discovery

_Scene opens in Joey and Annette's apartment. Annette opens her bedroom door, and pokes her head out. Seeing the empty living room, Annette slips out, silently closes her door, and sneaks over to Joey's room._

Annette (whispering): Okay, Tribbiani, let's meet this Huggsy you keep trying to hide from me.

_Annette starts to open his bedroom door. Enter Joey, from the bathroom._

Joey: Annette?

_Annette shrieks, and whirls around._

Annette: God, you about gave me a heart attack!

Joey: What're you doing?

Annette: I'm, uh, looking for the kids! I didn't see them this morning.

_Joey points to the box on the counter, where Chick Jr. is chirping from._

Annette: Oh. Well, thanks for clearing that up for me.

_Annette starts heading for her room._

Joey: Were you trying to sneak a peek at Huggsy?

Annette: No.

Joey: Good, cause he's not here right now.

_Enter Rachel._

Rachel: Hey, Joey. Thanks for letting us borrow Huggsy last night. Emma had a blast with him in her tea party.

_Rachel holds out Huggsy to Joey. Joey reluctantly takes Huggsy from Rachel, as Annette watches with a grin._

Annette: I KNEW you had a stuffed animal!

Joey: How long are you gonna be on this for?

Annette: How many days you got left on this planet, girly-man?

_Theme song and title sequence plays._

**So no one told you life was gonna be this way.  
Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's DOA.  
It's like you're always stuck in second gear.  
Well, it hasn't been your day, week, month, or even your year.**

**But, I'll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour.  
I'll be there for you, like I've been there before.  
I'll be there for you, cause you're there for me too.**

_Scene opens in Central Perk. Ross, Rachel, and Joey are sitting on the couch. Monica is sitting in the armchair. Chandler is sitting in the chair at the end table. Annette is working at the counter. Enter Phoebe._

Phoebe: Hey.

Ross: Hey, Phoebe.

_Phoebe turns to Joey._

Phoebe: Joey, are you busy tonight?

Joey: Yes.

Ross: What? You told us this morning when you came over to steal that box of Corn Pops that you didn't have plans.

Joey: First off, I didn't steal it, I borrowed it.

Ross: Okay, where is it?

Joey: Uh…we kinda ate it.

Ross: That was a brand new box!

Joey: We were hungry!

Chandler: It's amazing you and Annette managed to keep your figures.

_Monica throws a muffin at Chandler._

Chandler: Hey!

Monica: Behave.

Phoebe: What're you busy doing?

Joey: Avoiding Annette.

_Phoebe looks over at the counter. Annette looks up and notices Joey and Phoebe looking her way. Annette gives Joey a wicked grin. Joey quickly looks away._

Joey: See?

Phoebe: What happened?

Rachel: I took Huggsy back over to his apartment this morning, while Ross had Emma occupied. Annette saw it, and she's been teasing Joey about it all day.

_Phoebe laughs._

Joey: Phoebe!

Phoebe: Well, it's cute! You have a stuffed penguin, and now Annette knows. I think you two should enjoy it.

_Annette walks over with a sippycup full of coffee, and hands it to Joey._

Annette: Here you go, Joey.

_Joey glares at Annette._

Joey: How long are you gonna keep this up for?

Annette: Oh, I'm JUST getting started.

Rachel: Hey, wait a minute! That's Emma's!

Annette: I know, Ross let me borrow it for this little stunt.

_Rachel smacks Ross._

Ross: Ow!

Rachel: Are you TRYING to get our daughter addicted to coffee?

Chandler: Yes, it's all a part of his master plan.

_Phoebe smacks Chandler._

Chandler: Ow!

Rachel: Thanks.

Phoebe: You're welcome.

Ross: I wasn't planning to give her coffee. I was gonna rinse it out, you know.

Rachel: You better hope she can't taste it. She's a year old, she's hyper enough as it is!

Joey: Hey, maybe you can give it to Jack and Erica!

_Monica smacks Joey._

Joey: Ow!

Monica: Those are my kids, thank you! They'll be addicted to coffee when I say they can be.

_Enter Mike._

Mike: Hey, guys.

Everyone: Hey, Mike.

_Mike kisses Phoebe._

Mike: Guess what happened?

Rachel: Bloomingdale's is having a sale on designer clothes?

Monica: The Sham-wow can now soak up any mess three times faster?

Phoebe: Pottery Barn burned down in a hell-born blaze?

Annette: You discovered Joey's big secret?

Mike: No, no, no, and what big secret?

Annette: The one about Joey's-

_Joey jumps up and clamps a hand over Annette's mouth._

Joey: Date with Annette that I let Monica plan!

_The gang stares at Joey in shock. Annette looks at him, surprised._

Chandler: Coming back to that…

_Chandler turns to Mike._

Chandler: What's your big news?

Mike: Nothing as big as that. And since Monica's looking like she's about to explode if she doesn't start planning soon, I think it best to let her start that.

_Everyone looks over at Monica, who is bouncing in the chair. Ross turns to Rachel._

Ross: I bet if we hurry, we can avoid the fallout of getting dragged into this.

Rachel: Good idea.

_Ross and Rachel stand up, and run for the exit. Monica points a finger at them._

Monica: Freeze!

_Ross and Rachel stop moving, two inches from the door._

Rachel: Damn! We almost made it.

Monica: Get back here, there's planning to be done.

_Ross and Rachel slowly walk back over, and sit down on the couch._

Ross: Mon, why don't you use the plan you drew up for me and Rachel, back in high school?

Monica: Two reasons: one, there isn't a skating rink nearby anymore, and two, disco is out.

Joey: I'm working on making it come back.

Ross: Joey, disco is DEAD. Let it rest in peace.

_Phoebe turns to Mike._

Phoebe: So what's your big news?

Mike: I got invited to play at a gig tonight at Gracie Manor!

Phoebe: Honey, that's wonderful!

_Mike and Phoebe hug._

Monica: Yeah, yeah, great news. Anyway, planning time!

_Ross, Rachel, Phoebe, Mike, and Joey get up and run out the door. Monica looks at Annette and Chandler._

Monica: You're not gonna join them?

Annette: I'm on the clock.

Chandler: And I'm married to you.

Monica: Good, you can help me then, Chandler.

_Monica points at Annette._

Monica: You, go away.

_Annette looks at her watch._

Annette: Hey, look at that! I'm off shift now.

_Annette leaves. Chandler gets up to follow her, but Monica grabs his arm._

Monica: Don't you even THINK of it.

_Chandler mutters under his breath. Scene ends and opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Ross, Rachel, and Emma are sitting at the table, eating dinner. Enter Annette, who slams the door behind her._

Annette: Hide me.

Ross: And good evening to you, too.

Rachel: What's the matter?

Annette: Monica's hunting me.

_Rachel takes Annette's arm, and guides her to her and Ross's bedroom._

Rachel: In there, shut the door. I'll send her off somewhere else.

Annette: Thanks.

_Annette shuts the door, as Rachel sits back down at the table. Enter Monica._

Monica: Hey, have you guys seen Annette anywhere?

Ross: No, and apparently the concept of knocking is now obsolete.

Monica: What's the matter with you?

_Ross gestures to the table._

Ross: Trying to have dinner with my family.

Monica: I AM family.

Ross: Are you eating?

Monica: No.

Ross: Good-bye.

_Rachel swats Ross._

Rachel: Why are you looking for her?

Monica: Because I have a dress for her date with Joey picked out, but I need her to help me find the right shoes.

Rachel: Sorry, haven't seen her.

_Monica looks at Rachel with narrowed eyes._

Rachel: What?

Monica: Are you lying to me?

Rachel: …no.

_Monica looks at Ross, who is studying his plate._

Monica: Ross?

Ross: Yeah?

Monica: Where is she?

Ross: Where's who?

Monica: You know who I mean. Tell me, or I'll call Uncle Stan and Aunt Sylvia, and tell them you wanna spend the weekend with them. You can help Aunt Sylvia wax her mustache.

_Ross gulps._

Rachel: She's at her place, hiding from you.

Monica: There. How hard was that? Thank you.

_Monica leaves. Annette enters from the bedroom._

Annette: Why didn't you tell her I was at Central Perk or something?

Ross: You have not seen my Aunt Sylvia, or that woman's mustache.

Annette: So?

Rachel: Trust me, honey. It's bad. I still have nightmares about the things she can make it do.

Annette: Well, now what am I supposed to do?

Ross: Take the fire escape, if you wanna get away.

Annette: Oh, I'm sure that'd go over well. "No, officer, I was just getting away from my friend's crazy sister, who has this plan to make me go on a date with my roommate."

Rachel: Actually, Treeger would back you up on that. He's been the victim of Monica's plans a few times.

Annette: Is there a person in this building she HASN'T made a plan for?

_Ross and Rachel pause to think._

Ross: Probably that new couple in 37.

Annette: She got them when they were moving boxes in.

Rachel: THAT would explain the looks they had.

Ross: No, that was due to Joey going to the mailbox in his outfit, when he tried to bring disco back.

Annette: I don't think the memory of that will ever fade. Or the sight of his face when he discovered what the Oyster Club really was.

_Rachel laughs. _

Rachel: At least we don't have to listen to Staying Alive anymore.

Annette: I LIVED it, woman! Don't complain.

_Rachel sticks her tongue out and Annette, and grins. Scene ends and opens in Monica and Chandler's house. Chandler is sitting on the couch. Enter Monica._

Monica: Ugh, I can't believe her!

Chandler: Which "her" are we not believing?

Monica: Annette.

Chandler: I take it you didn't have any luck finding her?

_Monica sits down next to Chandler._

Monica: No. She disappeared on me! I was gonna have her help me match the shoes with the dress I picked out for her, but I can't find her. What about you and Joey? Did you get everything set up for his part?

Chandler: Uh…yeah.

_Monica glares at Chandler._

Chandler: What?

Monica: You two were watching Baywatch again, weren't you?

Chandler: No.

Monica: Chandler…

Chandler: We weren't!

Monica: Swear on the kids' lives!

Chandler: No!

Monica: See? I knew it!

Chandler: Fine, we were watching Baywatch. But it's not like I didn't try to get him to talk to me.

Monica: Ordering take-out and asking if he wanted a beer is not talking to him.

Chandler: It is if you're talking about Joey.

_Monica nods._

Monica: Okay, you have a point there. But you were supposed to talk to him about his date with Annette!

Chandler: And I did.

_A pause._

Monica: And? Dammit, Bing, don't keep me in suspense!

Chandler: And…he was kinda covering up Annette's announcement about Huggsy. He doesn't really want you to plan a date for him.

Monica: WHAT?

_Monica gets up, and storms toward the front door._

Monica: Watch the kids.

Chandler: Where are you going?

Monica: To smack Joey, and make him help me with my plan for him and Annette.

Chandler: It's an hour back to the city!

Monica: It's an hour's worth of steam for me to build up!

_Monica storms out the front door, as Chandler begins dialing on the phone. Monica sticks her head back in._

Monica: And if you warn Joey ahead of time I'm coming, you won't be getting any for two weeks!

_Chandler throws the phone down on the coffee table, and grabs the remote. Scene ends and opens in Central Perk. Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel are sitting on the couch. Ross is sitting in the armchair. Chandler is sitting in the chair at the end table. Annette is working at the counter. Enter Mike._

Mike: Hey, guys.

Monica, Rachel, Joey, Ross, and Chandler: Hi, Mike.

Phoebe: Hi, sweetie.

_Mike kisses Phoebe._

Phoebe: So how did your gig at Gracie go?

Mike: It went great. We did so well, they asked us to come back next week, when they have a fund raiser for the library.

Ross: Oh my god, Mike! That's awesome!

Phoebe: Honey, that's great!

_Mike smiles, and then looks around._

Mike: Hey, where's Joey?

Annette: Oh, he's probably still napping with Huggsy.

Mike: Oh, okay.

Rachel: Wait a minute, he never napped with Huggsy!

_Annette giggles._

Annette: He does now.

Mike: What did you do to him now?

_Annette points to the door. Enter Joey in a beanie hat with a propeller, overalls, a lollipop in his hand, and Huggsy taped to his chest. Ross, Rachel, Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe are struggling to contain their laughter. Joey points at Annette, who is laughing._

Joey: You are SO gonna pay for this!

Annette (laughing): You look so cute!

_Mike puts his hand on Joey's shoulder._

Mike: If you really wanna get her back, decorate the apartment like Pee-Wee's Playhouse. That used to scare her when we were kids.

_Annette looks at Mike, wide eyed._

Annette: Mike! You promised me you'd never tell! We spat in our hands and shook on it!

_Everyone groans._

Chandler: I can't vouch for the rest of them, but I could've lived the rest of my life NOT knowing that.

Mike: Annette, you dressed him in this outfit, then taped Huggsy to him! That's a little much, even for you.

Joey: Uh, actually…

Annette: I did not dress him up like that!

Mike: Well, who did? The gnomes from under the bed?

_Phoebe gasps._

Phoebe: Don't make fun of the gnomes under the bed!

Joey: Mike…I did this.

_Mike turns to Joey._

Mike: What? Why?

Joey: I have a part in a play, and my character's mentality regressed back to that of a kid.

Annette: What? You do not!

Joey: Okay, fine. I lost a bet with Chandler.

_Monica turns to Chandler._

Monica: Did you make the pizza bet with him again?

Chandler: …No.

Annette: What's the pizza bet?

Chandler: I bet him one time he couldn't go a week without eating pizza. He lost that one, so we made a new bet. If he won, I was gonna be the one wearing that outfit.

Monica: Chandler!

Chandler: What? We didn't make the pizza bet, this time!

Monica: So what was it, then?

Chandler: That he couldn't go one hour without watching Baywatch.

Rachel: How long did he go?

Chandler: Five minutes. And even THAT was a struggle.

Joey: I'm sorry, but it's BAYWATCH. Besides, you can't go two minutes without making a joke, Chandler.

Chandler: I can too! Monica will back me up on that.

_Monica turns away, mumbling under her breath._

Chandler: Oh, thanks a lot, dear. I love you, too.

Monica: I'm sorry, honey, but it's true. You really can't.

Chandler: I can too! Everyone else here will back me up.

_The gang turns away, muttering._

Chandler: Oh, thanks a lot.

Ross: I'm sorry, Chandler. But you really can't. Even in college, you were making jokes all the time.

Chandler: I bet you I can!

Ross: Oh, really?

Chandler: Yeah. I bet you I can go five minutes without making a joke.

Ross: You're on!

_Joey walks over to Annette, and leans in close._

Joey: No more jokes or pranks about Huggsy, okay? And I won't decorate the apartment like Pee-Wee's Playhouse.

Annette: Deal.

_Annette holds out her hand. Joey looks at it skeptically, as he turns her hand palm up._

Annette: I didn't spit in it.

Joey: Can't blame me for checking.

_Annette grins, as Joey shakes her hand. Credits roll._

**CREDITS SCENE**

_Scene opens in Central Perk. Rachel and Annette are sitting on the couch. Monica is sitting in the armchair. Enter Ross and Chandler. Chandler is dressed in a bunny costume._

Monica (laughing): Oh my god, what happened?

Chandler (monotone): I am required to wear this for twenty-four hours.

_Rachel turns to Ross, who sits next to her on the couch._

Rachel: Did he lose your bet?

Ross: Yep.

Monica: How long did he last?

Ross: Thirty seconds.

Monica: Thirty seconds?

_Monica turns to Chandler._

Monica: You couldn't go thirty seconds without making a joke?

Chandler: YOU try being around Joey for five minutes without cleaning up after him, and see how long you last. It's the same principle for me.

_Enter Joey._

Joey: Hey, guys. Has anyone seen-

_Joey pauses, as he sees Chandler in his costume._

Joey: The Easter Bunny! He's real! I gotta tell Phoebe!

_Joey runs out the door._

**(A/N Good news, everyone! 14 is finished earlier than I expected. However, 15 won't be up for 2 weeks. Thanks for being patient with me, personal problems got in the way. I'm pushing these back a week, because I'm still working on stomping out the rest of those problems. Hopefully, things should be back to normal soon. And again, don't forget the season finale poll. If I end up with a tie, I'll work the top 2 choices into the finale. So remember: get over there & vote for your choice!)**


	15. The One With The Leprechauns

**(This is the St. Patty's Day episode, since I finished 14 on that day. Sorry for the delay.)**

_Scene opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Ross, Rachel, Ben, and Emma are sitting at the table, eating dinner. Enter Joey and Annette._

Joey: I'm telling you, it was leprechauns! They're all over the place!

Annette: Joey, there is no such thing as a leprechaun!

Joey: Then how do you explain the gold coin I found on top of that note?

Annette: It was a chocolate coin wrapped in gold foil! I'm surprised you didn't try to spend it at the arcade!

Rachel: What are you two going on about?

Annette: Joey came home to find the apartment trashed, and a note saying a leprechaun named Seamus O'Grady did it.

_Ben and Ross duck their heads and snicker. Rachel glances at them with a raised eyebrow, before turning back to Joey._

Rachel: And you came over here because…?

Joey: I wanted to see if anyone else got hit by O'Grady, before I start setting traps for him.

Ben: Actually, my classroom was invaded by a leprechaun the other day. He trashed everything in sight.

_Joey gasps, and backs up toward the door._

Joey: Oh my god, they spread! I gotta warn the others!

_Joey runs out the door. Theme song and title sequence plays._

**So no one told you life was gonna be this way.  
Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's DOA.  
It's like you're always stuck in second gear.  
Well, it hasn't been your day, week, month, or even your year.**

**But, I'll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour.  
I'll be there for you, like I've been there before.  
I'll be there for you, cause you're there for me too.**

_Scene opens in Central Perk. Phoebe and Annette are sitting on the couch. Monica is sitting in the armchair. Rachel is sitting in the chair at the end table._

Rachel: So how much panicking was Joey doing last night?

Annette: He started setting mouse traps around the apartment, baited with bits of gold foil.

Monica: Wait, what happened?

Rachel: Ben and Ross went over to their place last night before Joey and Annette got home, and trashed it.

Monica: Why would they do that?

Annette: Because Ben told me about the leprechaun trick his teacher's pulling on the class at school, and I asked them to trash the apartment before leaving a note saying it was done by Seamus O'Grady.

Monica: Why would you do that?

Annette: It's fun.

Phoebe: Is there any trick you WON'T pull on Joey?

_Annette grins._

Annette: Nope.

_Phoebe giggles. Enter Joey, dressed as a leprechaun. Rachel, Annette, Phoebe, and Monica start laughing._

Rachel: Joey, honey. What is THAT?

Joey: Ssssshhhhhhh, keep it down! You'll give away my identity.

_The girls stare at each other, and then back to Joey._

Monica: What are you talking about?

Joey: I'm disguising myself to hunt down O'Grady. As far as the leprechauns are concerned, I'm Lucky the Leprechaun, one of their own.

Annette: Joey, you're about six feet tall, Italian, and you have a New York accent. A leprechaun is six INCHES tall, Irish, and speaks with an Irish accent.

Rachel: I don't know. Did you ever see that movie **Leprechaun**? He was about two or three feet tall.

Monica: Rachel, that was an actor.

Rachel (defensively): I know that.

Joey: I'm gonna go see if my traps caught anything. I'll see you later.

_Joey starts to exit, as Chandler and Ross enter. Chandler points to Joey._

Chandler: Why look, Ross. It's one of the rare Italian leprechauns. I-I've heard stories of these, but I didn't think they existed. Do you suppose it still has any gold left for us?

_Joey glares at Chandler._

Ross: Joey, what the hell are you doing?

Joey: Hey, hey, hey! Keep it down, will ya? You'll give away my disguise.

Chandler: Yes, and I'm sure the fact that you'll stand out in a room full of tiny people will have nothing to do with that.

Joey: Very funny. But you'll be laughing out the other side of your face when I catch that O'Grady leprechaun.

_Joey exits. Annette turns to Phoebe._

Annette: And with openings like that, you DON'T expect me to have some fun?

_Scene ends and opens in Joey and Annette's apartment. Joey is standing by the counter in his costume, checking a leprechaun "trap". Enter Annette, Chandler, Ross, and Rachel._

Annette: Hey, Lucky. I'm home.

Joey: Hey.

Chandler: Have any luck catching your brethren yet?

Joey: No. A couple of them got sprung, because the bait's missing, but they musta got loose.

_Ross snickers, as Rachel elbows him._

Annette: Well, we're about to order a pizza, then go over to Ross and Rachel's place. Can we borrow a few coins from your pot 'o gold to pay for it?

_Joey glares at Annette._

Ross: Actually, can you come over dressed like that? Ben wants some pictures to show his classmates of the Italian leprechaun, for his show and tell. He wants to show photos of the leprechaun trashing the building, but since you haven't been able to actually catch O'Grady...well, you're the next best thing.

Joey: Mock me all you want…

Annette: Oh, trust me. We will.

_Ross, Chandler, and Rachel snicker. Rachel clears her throat._

Rachel: Joey, you wouldn't happen to have a box of Lucky Charms, would you?

Joey: Yeah, there's some on top of the fridge.

_Joey hands the box of cereal to Rachel._

Ross: What do you want with that?

Rachel: Well, I just got Joey's Lucky Charms. Now the kids and I can see if they really are magically delicious.

_Annette laughs, and high-fives Rachel. Joey glares at Rachel, and takes back the box of cereal._

Joey: Get your own Lucky Charms. This is my box.

_Annette, Chandler, Rachel, and Ross laugh. Scene ends and opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Rachel, Monica, Annette, and Phoebe are sitting at the table. Ross, Chandler, and Mike are sitting on the couch. Enter Joey, dressed in normal clothes._

Joey: Hey.

_Annette looks over._

Annette: Where's your costume, Lucky?

Joey: Who?

_Annette looks at Rachel, and back to Joey._

Annette: Trying to fool the leprechauns, are we?

Joey: If I'm not in my disguise, they won't know it's me. Unless you guys say something.

_Annette makes the lock and key gesture on her lips._

Annette: I won't say a word, I promise.

Monica: Not a peep.

Phoebe: I'm not telling anyone.

Rachel: My lips are sealed.

_Joey looks over at Ross, Chandler, and Mike._

Ross: I'm not gonna say anything.

Mike: Me either.

Joey: Chandler?

Chandler: Well, as much fun as I'd have laughing at you in that getup in public, I won't say a word.

Joey: Thanks.

_Joey turns to Annette._

Joey: Pizza get here yet?

Annette: Yes, Joey. My psychic powers are telling me it JUST arrived.

_The intercom buzzes. Rachel walks over, and presses the speaker button._

Rachel: Hello?

Intercom: Pizza delivery.

Rachel: Come on up.

_Joey gasps, and points at Annette._

Joey: How did you do that?

_Annette smiles, and drinks her coffee._

Annette: Trade secret.

_Joey opens his mouth to reply, but is interrupted by a knock on the door. Rachel turns to Ross._

Rachel: Honey, where's the money for the pizza guy?

Ross: Should be on the counter.

_Rachel takes the money from the counter, and turns to Annette._

Rachel: Can you give me a hand?

Annette: Sure.

_Rachel and Annette exit, and come in a few minutes later with several pizza boxes. Joey stares._

Joey: How much did you order?

Rachel: Enough that Ross and I don't have to worry about you raiding our fridge.

_Joey smiles, and opens the box to see a slice missing, a gold "coin" left in its spot. Joey gasps._

Annette: What?

Joey: They got to the pizza!

_Rachel and Annette open the other boxes, to see the same scene. Joey runs for the door._

Joey: I'll get some traps to line the hallway with!

_Joey runs out the door. Rachel and Annette burst into giggles._

Monica: How long do you plan to keep this up for?

Annette: Probably till he comes up with some new stunt we can tease him over.

_Scene ends and opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. The gang is sitting around, watching a movie and eating pizza. A knock is heard on the door. Rachel turns to Ross, with a confused look._

Rachel: Were you expecting company?

Ross: No.

_Ross gets up, and opens the door. Treeger is standing in the doorway._

Treeger: Hey, Geller. Hope I'm not interrupting anything.

Ross: No, just watching a movie. What's up?

Treeger: You wouldn't happen to know why Tribbiani's lining the building with cardboard boxes, would you?

_Ross stares at Treeger for a few seconds._

Ross: Beg pardon?

Treeger: He's putting down cardboard boxes, with bits of gold foil on the edge.

Ross: Oh, no…those are leprechaun traps. He thinks the building's been overrun by them.

Treeger: …leprechauns?

_Ross nods._

Treeger: Where did he get a crazy idea like that at?

_Rachel clears her throat, while Annette stares intently at her pizza slice. Ross glares at them._

Ross (sarcastically): I have no idea. Annette, Rachel, would either one of you know?

Rachel: Nope, no idea.

Annette: Haven't a clue.

Treeger: Well, I'm gonna see if I can get him to stop putting down these traps of his, before someone gets hurt. And then I need to clean up that mess down in the lobby.

_Monica looks up at Treeger._

Monica: What mess?

Treeger: Someone spilled their beer all over the floor. It's a real mess down there.

Monica: A mess you say? Downstairs? I call it. MINE!

_Rachel knocks over her coffee cup, spilling coffee all over the floor._

Rachel: Oops! Look at that! Mon, would you be a dear?

_Monica glares at Rachel._

Monica: You are so dead when I finish cleaning this up!

_Monica gets up and grabs paper towels._

Treeger: Oh, I should mention: it's a Buy One, Get One Free special.

_Chandler jumps up, and runs out the door to the stairwell._

Chandler: Joey! Free beer!

_A thumping is heard above their heads. Joey appears on the stairs._

Joey: Where?

Chandler: Outside!

_Joey and Chandler run down the stairs. Scene ends and opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Mike and Joey are sitting in the living room, holding a plastic glass full of green beer. Rachel, Phoebe, Monica and Annette are standing behind them._

Phoebe: I can't believe you two went down for beer.

Mike: Honey, it was a Buy One, Get One Free special. Pretty good offer.

Joey: Besides, we're men. How could we say no to that?

Annette: By opening your mouth and saying "no".

_Joey glares at her. Enter Ross and Chandler, holding one of Joey's leprechaun traps._

Ross: Hey.

Rachel: Hey. Where did you guys get off to?

Ross: We were checking Joey's traps on the other floors.

Joey: Did they catch anything?

Chandler: Why, yes, Joey. You caught Seamus's brother, Lucky O'Grady.

_Chandler holds up the box in his hands. Rachel and Annette gasp._

Joey: I did? Lemme see, lemme see!

_Chandler opens the box, and pulls out a cutout of Lucky the Leprechaun. Rachel, Annette, Phoebe, Monica, and Mike laugh. Joey glares at Chandler._

Joey: Ha ha, very funny. But you'll all be laughing out the other sides of your faces when I put a stop to this.

_Joey exits. Monica turns to Chandler._

Monica: You cut up a box of Lucky Charms just for that?

Chandler: Yes, but it was empty. We dug around in the dumpster for one.

Rachel and Monica: You WHAT?

Ross: Uh…

Chandler: Hey Joey, wait for us!

_Ross and Chandler run out the door. Scene ends and opens in Central Perk. Rachel is sitting on the couch. Monica is sitting in the armchair. Annette is sitting in the chair at the end table._

Rachel: So how did Joey take the Lucky joke?

Annette: Better than I expected. He thinks that Seamus sprang the trap, and stuck the Lucky cutout in there as a way to thumb his nose at him.

Rachel: Maybe we should tell him it was us.

Annette: No! I'm having way too much fun with this!

_Rachel giggles. Enter Ross and Chandler, wearing green top hats. Monica and Rachel start laughing._

Annette: Oh my god…what are you two wearing?

Ross: Joey found out we weren't wearing green, so he started trying to pinch us.

Chandler: Because apparently, green pee from drinking green beer didn't count.

_Ross turns to Rachel._

Ross: We got a hat for you and Monica, too.

Rachel: What makes you think we wanna wear those?

Ross: Because it was this, green hair dye, or Joey pinches you.

_Rachel and Monica look at each other, then to Ross and Chandler._

Rachel and Monica: Hat.

_Chandler holds his hat out to Monica, and Ross places his on Rachel's head. _

Annette: Hey, what about me?

Chandler: Oh, we didn't forget about you.

_Chandler hands Annette a headband with two shamrocks attached to springs. Annette glares at Chandler._

Annette: You want me to hit you, don't you? Why didn't you give this to Monica or Rachel?

_Chandler points to Monica._

Chandler: I'm married to her.

_Annette looks at Ross._

Annette: What's your excuse?

Ross: Sister and girlfriend.

Annette: You're excused. (to Chandler) You're not.

Chandler: What? My brother-in-law gets excused, and I don't?

Annette: He has to face it from both sides.

Chandler: I have to face it from MONICA.

_A pause._

Annette: Point made.

_Chandler grins, as Joey enters. Monica, Rachel, and Annette immediately don their headgear._

Joey: Hey, guys. What're you-

_Joey pauses, seeing their hats._

Joey: All right, all right. You guys are safe from being pinched. But Mike and Phoebe aren't.

Chandler: Oh, we beg to differ.

Joey: Why are you begging? Are you broke?

_Chandler looks at the gang, then to Joey._

Chandler: Okay, you have to stop the Q-Tip when there's RESISTANCE!

_Joey glares at Chandler. _

Annette: Joey, he means that he disagrees with you.

Joey: Oh. Why didn't you say that in the first place?

_Chandler stares at Joey._

Chandler: Your parents dropped you on your head as a baby, didn't they?

_Enter Phoebe, hair dyed a bright green. The gang stares at her in disbelief._

Annette: Oh my god! Phoebe, what did you DO?

Phoebe: Oh, um, you like it? It's my anti-pinching color.

Joey: Phoebe, I wasn't gonna pinch you!

Phoebe: Oh, I know. But that wasn't gonna stop Mike from doing it.

Rachel: Honey, how long is that color gonna be in for?

Phoebe: It's a 24 hour color. It'll be gone by tomorrow.

Monica: You hope.

Phoebe: No, I know it will. The box said so.

Ross: Phoebe, boxes have been known to lie before.

_Phoebe gasps, and hits Ross._

Phoebe: You say you're sorry! No upsetting the boxes!

Ross: I'm sorry, I'm sorry!

Phoebe: The boxes forgive you.

_Phoebe exits. Joey turns to the group._

Joey: I better go. Still gotta check the traps before the day's over, and get to the convention.

_Chandler and Ross look at each other, then at Joey._

Chandler: You want this, or me?

Ross: No, I got it. (to Joey) Uh, Joey, about the leprechauns…

Joey: Yeah?

_Annette smacks Ross, and discretely places a finger on her lips._

Ross: Good luck, man.

Joey: Thanks. But those little bastards are the ones who are gonna need luck, if I get my hands on them.

_Joey exits. Chandler turns to Annette._

Chandler: How do you put up with that?

Annette: He's better than prime-time television.

_Credits roll._

**CREDITS SCENE**

_Scene opens in a convention. Joey is standing in a room in his costume, with a bunch of leprechauns. A banner on the wall in the back reads "Welcome Leprechauns"._

Joey: So you all have this annual get-together every year?

Leprechaun 1: Yep. Our leader started this a while back, shortly after we arrived here.

Leprechaun 2: Although we've never seen one as tall as you are.

Joey: Oh. I'm a…uh…Italian one.

_Both leprechauns nod._

Leprechaun 1: Heard of them.

Joey: So, I'm looking for O'Grady. Have you seen him?

Leprechaun 2: Seamus or Teddy?

Joey: Seamus. He trashed my apartment.

Leprechaun 2: Sure. He's you.

_Joey starts screaming, and then sits up in bed._

Joey: Oh good, it was just a dream.

_Joey looks over at his dresser, to see a note sitting there. He gets up, walks over, and unfolds it to see "Better luck next year, sucker!" written on it. Joey clenches the note in his fist._

Joey: Next year, O'Grady. Next year.

**(A/N Sorry if this is off, I found it really hard to write an episode about a holiday I could give a crap less about. Also, one of my friends was diagnosed with thyroid cancer, been helping them. Nine more episodes to the finale, so get those votes in, if you haven't done so yet!)**


	16. The One With The Air Hockey Table

_Scene opens in Joey and Annette's apartment. Joey is directing a couple of deliverymen with an air hockey table._

Joey: Okay, careful, now. Careful.

_The deliverymen set the table down._

Man: There you are, Mr. Tribbiani. You're all set.

Joey: Thanks.

_The deliverymen leave. Enter Annette from her room._

Annette: What's with all the racket?

_Annette pauses, seeing the new air hockey table._

Annette: Joey, what's that?

Joey: You like it? It's our new toy.

Annette: Isn't that thing a little bit…dangerous?

Joey: Nah. Why would it be?

Annette: Chandler told me about the foosball table incident.

Joey: It's perfectly safe for the kids. And there's an added bonus.

_Joey plugs in the table, picks up Chick Jr., and holds him over the air holes._

Joey: Free air drying!

_Annette stares at Joey, as the air blows up Chick Jr's feathers. Theme song and title sequence plays._

**So no one told you life was gonna be this way.  
Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's DOA.  
It's like you're always stuck in second gear.  
Well, it hasn't been your day, week, month, or even your year.**

**But, I'll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour.  
I'll be there for you, like I've been there before.  
I'll be there for you, cause you're there for me too.**

_Scene opens in Joey and Annette's apartment. The gang is gathered around the air hockey table, staring at it._

Rachel: Okay, so remind me again why you got this?

Joey: Cause it's air hockey! Everyone loves air hockey.

Ross: Joey, this thing is dangerous. If that puck flies off the table, it could smack someone, or break something.

Rachel: Not to mention, it's noisy as hell.

Joey: It's not gonna fly off the table, and the noise level isn't that high. So, who wants to play a game with me?

_Ross, Rachel, Monica, and Phoebe turn away, muttering._

Mike, Annette, and Chandler: I'm in!

Monica: Chandler!

Phoebe: Mike!

_A pause. Monica and Phoebe turn to Ross and Rachel._

Ross: What?

_Monica gestures to Annette._

Ross: Oh, right. (to Annette) Annette!

Chandler: Honey, it's air hockey! This is one of the greatest indoor games God ever invented! I HAVE to play.

Mike: I've always loved air hockey.

Annette: Hell, I just wanna whoop Joey.

_Monica shakes her head. Scene ends and opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Monica and Phoebe are sitting on the couch. Ross and Rachel are sharing the chair, watching TV._

Phoebe: How long have they been playing over there?

Ross: Are we counting the interruption from Joey knocking the puck out the window?

Monica: No. And we're not counting the interruption from the pizza guy, either.

Ross: In that case…

_Ross looks at his watch._

Ross: Six hours and counting.

Rachel: It's like living across the hall from a rec center. That noise is going to keep us and Emma up all night.

_Phoebe nods. A loud crash is heard from Joey and Annette's apartment, as Joey runs in._

Joey: Hide me, quick!

Ross: Why?

Joey: Mad redhead!

_Ross points to his and Rachel's bedroom, as Annette runs in._

Annette: You are dead meat!

_Annette starts hitting Joey. Joey runs around the couch, Annette chasing him._

Joey: Ow, ow, ow! I said I was sorry!

Annette: That was my favorite coffee mug!

Rachel: Hey, keep it down! Emma's taking a nap!

_Annette and Joey start speed walking around the couch. Annette continues lightly hitting Joey._

Joey: It was an accident! Besides, you weren't supposed to block the bank shot!

Annette: That was the best mug I ever had! Now I have to go back to Pottery Barn for a new one!

_Phoebe gasps._

Phoebe: You…you shopped at POTTERY BARN?

Ross: Uh, Phoebe…the coffee table and the dinner table came from Pottery Barn. So did most of my dishes.

_Phoebe stands up and walks to the door._

Phoebe: You all are EVIL.

_Mike opens the door, and sees Phoebe._

Mike: Oh, hey, honey.

Phoebe: Hi. I'm going home. This is an apartment of sin.

Mike: …okay.

_Phoebe storms out and slams the door. Mike turns to Ross with a confused look._

Mike: What was that all about?

Ross: She just found out we got utensils and the coffee table from Pottery Barn.

Mike: Oh, crap.

_Mike runs out the door. Scene ends and opens in Central Perk. Rachel and Ross are sitting on the couch. Joey is sitting in the armchair. Annette is sitting on the chair at the end table._

Rachel: So, you finally decided to take a break from the hockey table?

Joey: Uh…yeah.

Rachel: Really?

Joey: No, Annette took away my puck.

Annette: Until you replace my coffee mug, you're grounded.

Joey: Okay, two questions: one, when did I marry you? Two, when did you become my mother?

Annette: You didn't marry me, and the minute I moved in with you.

_Joey stares at her._

Annette: Joey, that hockey game you and Chandler were playing most of the night kept Ross and Rachel up. Why do you think Rachel was screaming so loud at two in the morning?

_Ross and Rachel glance uncomfortably at each other. Joey looks at them._

Joey: I can think of many reasons.

_Ross clears his throat._

Ross: Okay, new subject!

_Enter Phoebe, with a box in her hands._

Joey: Hey, Pheebs.

Phoebe: Hey, Joey.

_A pause. Ross looks over at Phoebe._

Ross: Hi, Phoebe.

_Phoebe looks over at Ross, Rachel, and Annette._

Phoebe: Hello, spawn of the soulless corporation.

Annette: Uh, Phoebe, you are aware I shop at Pottery Barn, too. Right?

Phoebe: Uh huh. That's why I wanna talk to you all.

_Phoebe sets down the box, and opens it to reveal two coffee mugs. Phoebe holds them up._

Phoebe: Who can tell me what these are?

Joey: Oh! Oh, I know! Don't tell me!

_Long pause._

Annette: Joey?

Joey: Ssssshhhhhhhh! I'm thinking!

_Ross, Rachel, and Annette shake their heads. Ross turns to Phoebe._

Ross: Okay, so why are you holding coffee mugs?

Joey: Dammit, Ross! I told you not to help me with it!

Ross: Joey, they're coffee mugs. You use them every morning. How could you NOT know what they are?

Joey: Well, Phoebe asked what they are. So that could mean she thinks they're something different.

_A pause._

Ross: Okay, you've got a point there.

Phoebe: Okay, hi! I'm still trying to teach, here.

_Annette leans closer._

Annette: Wait a second…Phoebe, that's one of your coffee mugs.

Phoebe: Uh huh. And you know what the difference between these two is?

Rachel: What?

_Phoebe tosses the coffee mug in her left hand over her shoulder. Joey leans in and catches it before it hits the floor._

Phoebe: That one came from the evil corporation, and is easily replaceable. This one is not. This came from a small store, and is cheaper.

Ross: Phoebe, I'm not going to replace my dishes that I got from there. Besides, there's nothing wrong with having something that I can replace easily, if Emma breaks it.

_Phoebe stares at Ross, and then places her coffee mug back in the box._

Phoebe: I can no longer associate with you, you are dead to me.

_Phoebe walks to the door, as Chandler walks in._

Chandler: Hey, Pheebs.

Phoebe: Hi, Chandler. Excuse me; I have to prepare for a funeral.

_Ross rolls his eyes, as Phoebe exits. Chandler stares at the door, as he walks over._

Chandler: What was that all about?

Ross: She said I'm dead to her because I shopped Pottery Barn.

Chandler: You look pretty alive, for a dead man.

Ross: Thanks.

Chandler: Of course, if you ARE dead, that means Rachel's been dating a vamp-

Rachel: Don't even finish that sentence!

_Chandler grins, and turns to Joey._

Chandler: So. Rematch tonight?

Joey: I can't, Annette took the puck.

Chandler: Why?

Annette: You two are grounded from the table until my coffee mug gets replaced.

Chandler: Oh. You mean, like this?

_Chandler takes his hand out from behind his back, with a new coffee mug identical to Annette's old one. Annette gasps._

Annette: Where did you find it at? Pottery Barn told me they discontinued that model!

Chandler: They did. But that doesn't mean eBay stopped selling them.

Annette: Good. You two can have the puck back.

_Rachel knocks Chandler's hand with her elbow. Chandler drops the coffee mug, but catches it with his other hand._

Rachel: Oops! Sorry, had a cramp in my arm.

Chandler: No worries, I caught it.

Rachel: That's great!

_Rachel smiles, and then turns to Ross with a frown. Ross stands up._

Ross: I'm gonna go see if the local supermarkets have any empty egg cartons.

Chandler: What do you need with empty egg cartons?

Ross: To either soundproof our apartment, or Joey's. That, or I'm gonna invest in a pair of earmuffs for the three of us.

_Scene ends and opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Ross and Rachel are sitting on the couch, wearing earmuffs and reading a magazine. The sound of air hockey is heard in the apartment. Enter Annette._

Annette: Ugh, how long have those two been playing?

_No answer. Annette walks over and taps Ross and Rachel on the head. Ross and Rachel look up, and remove their earmuffs._

Ross: When did you come in?

Annette: Six hours ago, when a herd of dinos rampaged through the fashion district. How long have they been playing that for?

Rachel: All afternoon, and most of the evening.

Annette: Where's Emma?

Rachel: With my dad. We figured it'd be a good idea to get her away from here, till the noise from your place died down.

Annette: Good idea.

_Enter Joey and Chandler. Chandler hands the puck to Annette. Annette glares at them._

Annette: What did you break this time?

Joey: Nothing! God, why do you think we broke something?

Annette: You're handing me the puck, and wearing a guilty look. You broke something.

Chandler: Nah, I just stomped him all over the table. He's mad about it.

Joey: That's because you cheated!

Chandler: I did not!

Joey: Throwing a picture of Yasmine Bleeth on the table when I'm about to sink a winning shot IS cheating!

Chandler: Hey, it reminded us to stop for Baywatch, didn't it?

Joey: I'm not gonna argue the Baywatch reminder, but you still cheated.

Chandler: Oh, and mentioning the Pam Anderson sex tape wasn't a distraction?

Annette: WHAT?

_Annette grabs a pillow from the couch and starts beating on Joey._

Annette: You told me you got rid of that file!

Joey: Ow! Ow! I did, I did!

Annette: Then how were you watching it?

Joey: I gave it to Chandler a while back! He has it stashed on his electronic plugging in thing!

Chandler: Joey! And it's called a "flash drive".

Joey: Dude, she has a pillow, and she's mad. Besides, I live with her!

Chandler: I'm married to MONICA.

Joey: She doesn't know you have the sex video yet.

_Monica enters from the bathroom, looking pissed off._

Monica: Chandler has WHAT?

_Chandler turns to Joey._

Chandler: Initiate running mode?

Joey: Running mode initiated.

_Chandler and Joey run out the door, Monica behind them._

Monica: GET BACK HERE, BING!

_Monica slams the door. Ross turns to Rachel._

Ross: And we wanted a quiet night in, too.

_Rachel giggles._

Rachel: I'd say we got one.

_Ross smiles, and kisses Rachel. Scene ends and opens in Central Perk. Joey and Chandler are sitting on the couch. Rachel is sitting in the armchair. Annette is sitting in the chair at the end table. Enter Mike._

Mike: Hey, guys.

Joey, Chandler, Rachel, and Annette: Hey, Mike.

Mike: Do any of you know why Phoebe's been walking around in a black dress lately? She said she was in mourning, but I have no idea what she means.

_Rachel sighs._

Rachel: She's mad at Ross, Annette, and me for shopping at Pottery Barn for our dishes and the coffee table Ross and I own.

Mike: Uh oh.

Rachel: Yeah, this could go on for a while.

Mike: I'd say so.

_Enter Ross._

Ross: Hi.

Rachel: Hi, honey. How was work?

Ross: It was all right. Just long. How was your day?

Rachel: About the same. Your parents wanted Emma over, so she's staying with them tonight.

Ross: Oh, okay.

_Rachel moves to the arm of the chair, as Ross sits down. Mike sits down on the couch._

Mike: So, I have something I wanna ask you three.

Annette: No, I didn't touch your guitar; it was like that when I found it.

Mike: Wait, what about my guitar?

_Annette looks uncomfortable._

Annette: Uh…nothing!

Mike: Annette…

Annette: It was Joey's fault!

_Joey turns to look at Annette._

Joey: What's my fault?

Mike: What're you staring at?

Annette: I'll bet I know: the muffins.

_Joey looks at Annette with a pleading look. Annette sighs, and gestures to Gunther._

Gunther: How many?

_Annette turns to the gang._

Annette: Who else wants a muffin?

Chandler: I'll take one.

Mike: Sure.

Ross: I think Rachel and I are gonna head up soon to fix dinner, so we'll pass.

_Annette looks at Gunther._

Annette: Five. And is there any chance I can get the Tribbiani discount?

Joey: They have a discount named after me?

Annette: Yeah. If anyone orders more than four muffins, they knock ten percent off the bill, but they have to be eaten here in less than an hour.

Joey: I could do that standing on my head.

Gunther: I'll give you a dozen muffins for free, if you can pull that off.

_Joey stands up, puts a pillow on the floor, and stands on his head on it. Annette laughs._

Annette: Joey, I don't think he was ser-

_Annette pauses, as Gunther brings over a tray with six muffins on it._

Gunther: Here you go. One hour.

Annette: Gunther! You're gonna kill my roommate!

Gunther: If he pulls this off, I'll put his picture up on the wall, and you'll get a bonus in your check.

_Annette turns to Joey._

Annette: Come on, Tribbiani! You can do it!

_Joey unwraps the first muffin and takes a bite. Scene ends and opens in Joey and Annette's apartment. Enter Ross, Rachel, Chandler and Annette. Ross is carrying Joey in his arms. _

Ross: Where do you want him?

Annette: Just dump him on the couch. If he lives through the night, I'll get him to his bed.

_Joey groans._

Joey: What was I thinking?

Rachel: I don't know. You ate seven muffins standing on your head. WERE you even thinking?

Joey: No, not that. I shoulda worn sweats, jeans have no give!

Annette: You're just lucky Gunther didn't charge you for those extra two muffins you ate.

_Ross sets Joey on the couch. Joey groans and clenches his stomach._

Chandler: I hope it was worth it.

Joey: She got her bonus, and I got my picture on the wall. Yeah, I'd say it was worth it.

Annette: Joey, you coulda died! What were you thinking?

Joey: That nobody is ever gonna beat my record.

_Ross glares sternly at Annette._

Ross: You know, you didn't help matters any by challenging him to eat all those muffins.

Joey: Hey, I coulda made it for eight, if I didn't have to sneeze.

Rachel: I don't think Gunther is gonna get those crumbs out anytime soon, either.

Ross: Or the memory of watching crumbs shoot across the room.

Chandler: He had good aim, though.

_Annette leans down, and places her hand on Joey's forehead._

Annette: I'm sorry I made you do that. It was foolish, risky, and I promise it'll never happen again.

Joey: Hey, don't worry about it. I did it, so I'm also guilty here. Don't blame yourself too much.

_Annette smiles, and kisses Joey's forehead._

Chandler: So. Who's up for some air hockey?

_Ross and Rachel glare at him. Credits roll._

**CREDITS SCENE**

_Scene opens in Central Perk. Monica, Annette, and Chandler are sitting on the couch. Ross and Rachel are sharing the armchair. Enter Phoebe in a black dress._

Monica: Hi, Pheebs.

_Phoebe holds up a hand._

Phoebe: Please, no speaking during the mourning period.

_Rachel sighs._

Rachel: Phoebe, Ross and I got rid of the coffee table. We still need one, so will you help us out with picking out a new one?

_Phoebe looks over at them._

Phoebe: Oh! Hi, you two! I didn't see you sitting there. I'll be glad to help you pick out a new table.

_Phoebe exits. Monica turns to Rachel._

Monica: Did you really get rid of it?

Ross: Yep.

Monica: Who did you give it to?

_Scene shifts to Joey and Annette's apartment. Joey is kneeling down, playing a miniaturized version of air hockey with Chick and Duck Jr._

Joey: Isn't this great, guys?

_Chick and Duck Jr. waddle off._

**(A/N Next episode will have some major surprises in store for the gang. Hope you readers are ready. And if you have Twitter, follow me on there. Cybermals, I'm on there all the time. Still time to vote on the finale, if you haven't. So get those votes in. And finally, a special thanks to TorchwoodRose for being a good sport when you talk to me on Twitter. It's amusing to tease your British bum. LOL)**


	17. The One With The Cutout

_Scene opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Joey is standing on the terrace, looking through a pair of binoculars across the street. Enter Ross._

Ross: Joey, what are you doing?

Joey: Some hot chick is looking at Ugly, Naked Guy's apartment. I think she might be moving in there.

Ross: What? Lemme see!

_Ross takes the binoculars and focuses on his old apartment across the street._

Ross: Joey, that's a cardboard cutout.

Joey: I was wondering why she was standing near the window.

Ross: Why, did you think she was eyeing you?

Joey: Well, who wouldn't want this?

_Ross shakes his head, and hands the binoculars back to Joey._

Ross: I'm going inside. Rachel should be home soon with Emma, and I need to start dinner. You and your cardboard girlfriend there can spend some alone time together.

_Ross goes back inside. Joey turns to the window, mouths "Call Me", and makes the phone gesture. Theme song and title sequence play._

**So no one told you life was gonna be this way.  
Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's DOA.  
It's like you're always stuck in second gear.  
Well, it hasn't been your day, week, month, or even your year.**

**But, I'll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour.  
I'll be there for you, like I've been there before.  
I'll be there for you, cause you're there for me too.**

_Scene opens in Central Perk. Anette is sitting on the couch. Ross is sitting on the armchair._

Annette: So let me get this straight: he thought the cardboard cutout across the street in your old apartment was a real woman?

Ross: Yep.

Annette: And he was trying to HIT on said "woman"?

Ross: Uh huh.

Annette: Does Chandler know about this yet?

Ross: No. I'm waiting for him to stop by so I can tell him.

_A pause._

Annette: Dibs!

Ross: What?

Annette: I'm calling dibs on telling Chandler.

Ross: Fine, but I get to tell Rachel.

Annette: Why?

Ross: Well, because I live with her.

Annette: But I wanna tell her!

Ross: You're telling Chandler!

Annette: Fine, you can tell her.

_Enter Phoebe._

Phoebe: Hi, guys.

Ross: Dibs!

Annette: Dammit!

Phoebe: What's going on?

Ross: Joey spotted a cardboard cutout in my old apartment, and started flirting with it, thinking it was a real person.

Phoebe: Dibs on telling Rachel!

Annette: Ross already called it.

Phoebe: Ross!

Ross: I LIVE with her, Pheebs!

Phoebe: Okay, you have a point there. Dibs on Mike!

_A pause._

Phoebe: No one called him yet, did they?

_Ross and Annette shake their heads._

Phoebe: Dibs!

_Scene ends and opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is standing at the stove, cooking dinner. Enter Ross and Annette._

Annette: Come on, Ross! Just give me the keys!

Ross: No! I don't even have them anymore!

Rachel: What's going on?

_Annette pauses near the door._

Annette: I'll go get the fire extinguisher from our place.

Rachel: Ha, ha, very funny.

Annette: Rachel, you remember the mac and cheese incident two weeks ago, right?

Rachel: Hey, Emma was screaming. I had to take care of her.

Annette: Then turn the burners OFF. It keeps the cheese from combusting.

_Rachel glares at Annette._

Rachel: Anyway, what's going on?

Ross: Joey was flirting with a cardboard cutout of a beautiful woman in my old apartment, because he thought it was real.

_Rachel laughs._

Rachel: Oh my god, are you serious?

Ross: Yeah. And now Annette wants the keys to the place so she can go over and get that cutout.

Rachel: Why don't you just ask the superintendent?

Annette: Because he won't let me have the damn thing. He said it's supposed to show people what it would be like if they lived here. So I was thinking we could slip in and "borrow" it for a while, to have some fun with Joey.

Rachel: Hang on.

_Rachel goes into her bedroom, and comes out a moment later with a key in her hand._

Rachel: There you go.

Annette: Thanks.

Ross: Rachel!

Rachel: What?

Ross: We were supposed to leave the keys to the place when we left!

Rachel: I forgot I had this till I found it a few days ago. Besides, all we're gonna do is borrow the cutout for a few days, and have some fun with Joey. We'll put it back before the next day. Right, Annette?

Annette: Right. Cross my heart.

_Ross glares at them. Rachel kisses his cheek and gives him the puppy eyes._

Rachel: Please don't be mad?

_Ross sighs._

Ross: You don't fight fair, you know that?

Rachel: Yep. But we'll have it back before they know it's missing, I promise.

Annette: Unless Joey takes it on a date…

_Ross and Rachel glare at Annette. Scene ends and opens in Joey and Annette's apartment. Annette opens her bedroom door, and peeks out._

Annette (whispering): Okay, the coast is clear.

_Rachel and Annette sneak out, carrying the cardboard cutout. Annette opens the door to Joey's room, hearing his snores. Annette turns to Rachel._

Annette (whispering): How in the hell did you put up with that when you were dating him?

Rachel (whispering): I never slept with him.

_Annette shakes her head, and widens the opening. Joey is lying on his bed, one arm draped over the other side of his bed. Annette gently lifts his arm, and places the cutout under his arm._

Annette: Sweet dreams, lover boy.

_Annette and Rachel sneak out back to her room. A few minutes later, a scream is heard from Joey's room. Rachel and Annette cover their mouths, and start laughing. Joey bangs on Annette's bedroom door._

Joey: Annette! Wake up!

_Annette opens her bedroom door, and sticks her head out._

Annette: What? I'm busy giving Rachel a pedicure!

Joey: That cutout from Ross's old apartment is in my room!

Annette: Joey, it's late. You're tired, you probably dreamed it. Why don't you go see Ross for a few moments, calm down, and we'll look when you get back?

Joey: Yeah…yeah, that sounds like a good idea.

_Joey turns around, and walks out the door. Annette and Rachel laugh, and high-five each other._

Rachel: This has to be the meanest prank we've played on him yet.

Annette: And if I can get ahold of the model from the cutout, it's only gonna get better for us.

_Rachel laughs. Scene ends and opens in Central Perk the next day. Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe are sitting on the couch. Ross is sitting in the armchair. Annette is working at the counter. Enter a beautiful blonde woman._

Woman: Hi.

_Chandler looks up, and stares open-mouthed at the woman. Monica glares at him._

Monica: Chandler!

Chandler: …I'll be with you in a moment, woman whose name I forget.

Monica: It's Monica. Your WIFE.

_The woman smiles._

Woman: I'm looking for Annette Peters.

_A squeal is heard from behind them. The woman turns around to see Annette running over._

Annette: Alex!

_Alex and Annette embrace, laughing._

Annette: Oh my god, it's so good to see you!

Alex: You too! How have you been?

Annette: I'm doing great.

_Phoebe stands up, smiles, and extends her hand._

Phoebe: Hi, I'm Phoebe.

Annette: Oh, crap! I'm sorry! Alex, this is my cousin-in-law, Phoebe.

_Annette points to Ross._

Annette: These are my friends Ross Geller, his sister Monica Bing, and from the look on his face, you met her husband, Chandler.

_Greetings are exchanged. Alex smiles, reaches over, and closes Chandler's mouth._

Alex: I get that reaction a lot.

Annette: So what're you doing here, anyway?

Alex: The realty agency I did some modeling work for a while back told me you were looking for me. What's up?

Annette: Wow, I didn't think that message woulda gotten through. You remember the cardboard cutout job?

Alex: Yeah. First paying job I had. What about it?

Annette: How would you like to help me play a prank on my roommate?

Alex: That depends. How serious are you about this guy?

Annette: He threatened to beat up Paul.

Alex: REALLY. Well, I'm game. What do I have to do?

_Annette grins, and pulls Alex off to talk to her. Scene ends and opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is sitting on the couch, reading a magazine. Enter Ross, Annette and Joey._

Joey: I'm telling you, Ross, that cutout is stalking me! I found it in my bed!

Ross: Joey, it's cardboard. It's not even alive; it can't have been stalking you.

Joey: So how do you explain me waking up with it next to me last night?

Annette: A nightmare from the three peanut butter and pickle sandwiches you ate before bed?

_Joey glares at Annette._

Joey: It wasn't a nightmare! Didn't you ever see the Tales from the Darkside episode where the mannequin came to life?

Rachel: I told you watching that would keep you up!

Joey: I wasn't up!

Rachel: Joey, you sat in the middle of your room with a nightlight on, and a flashlight aimed at the corners every night for three weeks.

Joey: Well…that one episode with the closet monster scared me.

Annette: Do we need to go home and pop Spongebob in?

Ross: No, he needs to go out to the terrace, and look and see that the cutout is still there.

Joey: And if it's not?

Ross: Then I'll buy you three large pizzas, with any toppings you want.

_Joey runs to the terrace, binoculars in hand. Ross and Annette snicker. Rachel looks up at them._

Rachel: What's so funny?

Annette: I got ahold of my friend from my old modeling days. She did the modeling for the cutout they're using for the apartment, and she's helping me have some fun with Joey. Right now, she's across the street, pretending to be the cutout so we can mess with Joey. In fact, Ross met her earlier.

_Rachel looks at Ross, who coughs uncomfortably._

Rachel: You met her?

Ross: Yeah.

Rachel: What's she like?

Ross: Um…she's pretty, she's a nice person, and she's a friend of Annette's.

Rachel: Huh. And she's across the street right now?

Ross: Yes.

Rachel: Okay.

_Rachel goes back to her magazine, and begins flipping pages in a huff. Ross sits down next to her._

Ross: Honey, you don't need to be jealous.

Rachel: I'm not jealous.

Ross: Rachel, you're flipping pages in a huff. You're jealous, and you don't need to be.

Rachel: Ross. I'm not jealous.

_Rachel resumes reading her magazine. Ross stands up and walks over to Annette._

Annette: She's so jealous.

Ross: She is.

Annette: How long is she gonna act like this for?

Ross: Until she has the chance to meet your friend for herself.

Rachel: I'm not jealous!

_Ross and Annette look over at Rachel. Scene ends and opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Joey is standing on the terrace, looking across the street with a pair of binoculars. Ross is standing next to him. Rachel is sitting on the couch, glaring at Ross. Annette is standing in the kitchen. Enter Chandler, Monica, Phoebe, and Mike._

Chandler: Hey.

Annette: Hey.

_Rachel ignores them, and continues to glare at Ross._

Monica: Uh oh. I've seen that look on her face before. She found out Ross met Alex, didn't she?

Annette: Yep. She's totally jealous.

Rachel: I am not jealous!

Annette: You've been glaring at Ross for two hours. If you didn't blink, I'd swear you were a mannequin.

_Rachel makes a rude gesture at Annette. Enter Ross._

Ross: Hey, guys.

Chandler, Monica, Phoebe, and Mike: Hey.

_Ross turns to Annette._

Ross: You ordered the pizzas, right?

Annette: Just got off the phone with them, when the others walked in.

Ross: Oh, okay.

Annette: I asked Rachel if she wanted any, but I never got an answer. She's too busy being jealous.

Rachel: I'm not jealous!

Annette: Prove it.

_Rachel stands up._

Rachel: Okay, you want me to prove to you I'm not jealous? Watch this.

_Rachel grabs Ross's face, and kisses him deeply and provocatively. Ross swallows with a shocked look on his face. Rachel grabs his hand, and turns to the gang._

Rachel: Get out.

Annette: What?

Rachel: Leave. Go to your place for a while.

Phoebe: Is this one of those…?

Rachel: Yes.

_Chandler, Monica, Annette and Phoebe head for the door. Mike goes to the window._

Mike: Joey, we need to leave for a while.

Joey: But my surveillance!

Mike: Set up a webcam. Trust me, you're gonna wanna leave right now.

Joey: Are Ross and Rachel about to…?

Mike: Yep.

_Joey sets the binoculars down on the ledge, and hastily heads for the door. Rachel slams the door, locks it, and drags Ross toward their room. Scene shifts to the hallway._

Chandler: Your place, or the coffee shop?

_Moans are heard from Ross and Rachel's apartment._

Monica, Phoebe, Mike, Annette, and Joey: Coffee shop.

_The gang hastily exits. Scene ends and opens in Central Perk. Monica, Chandler, and Mike are sitting on the couch. Ross and Rachel are sharing the armchair. Joey and Phoebe are sitting in the chairs at the end table. Annette is working at the counter ._

Monica: So, I'm guessing you two had a good time last night.

Rachel: Why do you say that?

Monica: You don't have the jealous look on your face anymore.

Annette: Did you get all the jealous worked out of your system?

Rachel: I wasn't jealous! Do I need to prove that to you guys again?

Annette: Well…

Ross: No! No, that's quite all right. I think she proved it enough last night.

_Annette's shoulders start shaking with silent laughter._

Joey: So why were you screaming so loud last night?

Ross: I wasn't screaming.

Annette: Please, you were loud enough you drowned out Terminator. I'm surprised the neighbors downstairs didn't report you.

Rachel: They're old, and hard of hearing.

Mike: And you learned this when?

Rachel: We met them one time.

Chandler: Before or after one of your sexcapades?

_Ross and Rachel blush, and turn away. Ross clears his throat._

Ross: So, Joey. About that cutout you've been watching…there's something you should know about that.

Joey: What's that?

Ross: Well…

_Annette shakes her head, and holds a finger to her lips. Ross looks over at the door, as Alex walks in._

Ross: …she just walked in.

Joey: What?

_Joey looks over at Alex, with a shocked look on his face._

Joey: See? I TOLD you she was following me!

Annette: Uh, Joey…

Joey: I'm going to the one place she can't follow me to!

_Joey stands up, and starts to run into the bathroom. Alex looks at him with a weird look on her face, as Annette grabs his arm and yanks him back into his chair._

Annette: Sit down.

Alex: Okay, is that normal?

Annette: For Joey, yes.

Alex: Oh, THAT'S Joey?

Annette: Yep.

_Annette points to Mike._

Annette: And this is my cousin Mike, and that's Rachel. Guys, this is Alex. Joey's cutout girlfriend.

_Mike waves, as Rachel glares._

Alex: You must be Ross's girlfriend.

_Rachel continues glaring. Alex smiles nervously._

Annette: Oh, just ignore her. She's busy being jealous.

Rachel: I'm not jealous!

Annette: Uh huh.

Rachel: Do I really need to prove it again?

Ross: NO! No, I think we're good.

_Alex laughs, and turns to Ross._

Alex: Ross, when you were renting that apartment, how much did you pay?

Ross: I don't remember. Why?

Alex: Because I wanna rent it.

Annette: Really?

Alex: Yeah. I got a job with an agency here in town, it's permanent work.

Annette: Alex, that's great!

Alex: I know, right?

_Numerous congrats are heard. Joey turns to Annette, and nods toward Alex._

Joey: Another one of your pranks?

_Annette grins._

Annette: I'm not the one who was flirting with a cardboard cutout. But you left it wide open for teasing, Joe. I HAD to take advantage of it.

Joey: Yeah, yeah. I'll get you back.

_Alex laughs._

Alex: That's the first time I ever heard of someone flirting with a cutout of me.

Chandler: Really. Well, that'd be the fifth one he's hit on.

Alex: Wow.

_Alex turns to Joey._

Alex: Hit on me next time, not my cutout. Okay?

Joey: All right.

_Joey looks at Alex, and grins._

Joey: How YOU doin?

_Alex laughs, as Annette frowns at them from the counter. Credits roll._

**CREDITS SCENE**

_Scene opens in Central Perk. Monica is sitting on the couch, reading a cookbook._

Monica: So, honey, I was thinking we could use the leftover meat from the party to-

_Monica looks over, and sees Chandler replaced with a cutout of him._

Monica: Chandler?

_Monica looks around, and sees all of the patrons of Central Perk replaced with cutouts. Scene shifts to Monica and Chandler's bedroom. Monica sits up in bed, and looks over to see Chandler asleep next to her. Monica smacks him. Chandler sits up in a panic._

Chandler: What? What? What is it?

Monica: Don't you ever replace yourself with a cutout when I'm talking to you again!

_Monica lies back down in a huff, as Chandler stares at her._


	18. The One With Laser Tag

_Scene opens in Joey and Annette's apartment. Continuous action music plays in the background. Joey's bedroom door flies open, and he rolls into the living room, dressed as a commando. Seeing no one, he eases out from behind the chair with a Laser Tag gun in his hand and a sensor on his chest. Annette pops up from behind the counter in a cat suit, and shoots him._

Annette: Ha!

_Ross pops out of the bathroom dressed as a commando and shoots Annette._

Ross: Ha!

_Rachel pops out of Annette's bedroom also dressed in a cat suit and shoots Ross._

Rachel: Ha!

_Scene shifts to Central Perk. Joey is sitting on the couch, Annette and Alex beside him. Ross and Rachel are sharing the armchair._

Joey: And that's why I think we should get Laser Tag.

Ross: Joey, you just described every action movie you've ever seen, with Laser Tag.

Joey: Yeah. Because Laser Tag is cool!

_Ross, Rachel, Annette, and Alex shake their heads. Theme song and title sequence plays._

**So no one told you life was gonna be this way.  
Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's DOA.  
It's like you're always stuck in second gear.  
Well, it hasn't been your day, week, month, or even your year.**

**But, I'll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour.  
I'll be there for you, like I've been there before.  
I'll be there for you, cause you're there for me too.**

_Scene opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Rachel and Monica are sitting on the couch. Annette and Phoebe are sitting at the table, drinking coffee. Enter Ross, Joey, and Chandler._

Ross: Joey, for the last time, I am not gonna buy a Laser Tag set!

Joey: Why not? Come on, Ross! Those things were so cool! How many times can you think of as a kid when you got to wear a gun to play tag, and no one asked questions about it?

_A pause._

Chandler: You know, the man's got a point.

Ross: Yeah.

Joey: Come on, it'll be fun! We can make it guys against girls!

Ross: Whoa! NO way! NO guys against girls!

Joey: Why not? We'd whoop them.

Annette: You know, comments like that is what your butt kicked by me in air hockey.

Chandler: Also, think about this for a moment: you wanna play Laser Tag against MONICA.

Joey: So?

_Ross and Chandler look at each other, and then at Joey._

Ross: Joey, this is MONICA. You DO remember Monica, right?

Monica: Hey!

Ross: What?

Monica: I can be fun!

Annette: Monica, you remember the Monopoly game last week, when you were the banker?

Monica: Hey, I made a great banker.

Annette: You assigned interest to anyone who got money from the bank! Passing Go ended up COSTING people $200.

Monica: Well…the bank needed to make back its money.

Ross: It's not supposed to! It's supposed to hand out money to the players, period.

Joey: Besides, I thought she might wanna referee the game.

Ross: No! Joey, trust me, you do not want-

_Monica jumps over the couch and covers Ross's mouth with her hand._

Monica: What my brother was trying to say before he loses the ability to speak permanently, is that you don't want me to say no, but if I do that, you're not gonna have four girls for the four guys.

Joey: Sure we will. I can ask Alex.

Monica: When?

Joey: Right now.

_Joey walks over to the window, and goes out to the terrace._

Joey: Alex!

_Alex's window comes up, and she sticks her head out._

Alex (faintly): What?

Joey: Laser tag. You in?

Alex (faintly): Yeah.

Joey: Cool.

Alex (faintly): Joey, you know I have a phone, right?

Joey: Yeah.

Alex (faintly): So why are we shouting?

Joey: It's fun.

Alex (faintly): Oh, okay.

_Alex pulls her head in, and shuts the window. Joey walks back in._

Joey: She's in, teams are even.

Monica: Good. I need to go home and start planning.

_Monica exits. Ross glares at Joey._

Joey: What?

Ross: You have no idea what kind of monster you have unleashed.

_Joey looks at Ross with a worried expression. Scene ends and opens in Central Perk. Ross, Rachel, Annette, Mike, Phoebe, Chandler, and Alex walk in, laser tag gear hanging slack, looking dirty and tired. Alex, Joey, and Annette collapse on the couch. Mike sits down in the armchair, Phoebe in his lap. Ross sits down on the chair at the end table, Rachel in his lap. Chandler sits down next to him._

Joey: I have absolutely NO energy left at all.

Annette: I think I'm gonna have to sit here for three days before I feel remotely close to being able to lift a finger.

Ross: Now you see why I said don't put her in charge of this.

Chandler: You'd think after that exercise program she had me on when she was out of work, that I'd have sided with you on that one.

Rachel: Honey, move your gun. It's poking my hip.

_The gang turns and stares at Rachel._

Rachel: His LASER TAG gun.

_Numerous "meh"s are heard. Alex starts picking leaves and twigs out of her hair._

Alex: Six games. Whoever heard of playing six games of Laser Tag just to break a tie?

_Ross and Rachel raise their hands. Enter Monica, blowing on a whistle._

Monica: Up and at em, lazy bones! We're burning daylight.

_Numerous groans are heard._

Annette: Gunther, do me a favor. Throw something at her, will you?

_Gunther smiles, and goes back to the customers._

Ross: Monica, it's almost night time. We're tired. It can wait till tomorrow.

Monica: No, come on! We still have 20 minutes of daylight left, that's enough time for at least four more games! Let's go!

Annette: No. Inside, good. Outside, bad.

_Alex stands up, and stretches._

Alex: I better get home; I have an early shoot tomorrow.

Ross: I've got a class in the morning.

Rachel: And I have a meeting.

Monica: Fine. The rest of us will wrap it up.

Chandler: No, we won't.

Monica: Why not?

Chandler: The twins.

Monica: Oh, crap!

_Monica grabs Chandler's hand, and pulls him out the door with her. Annette turns to Joey._

Annette: Why didn't we think of that?

Mike: Because we're too tired to move. I'm surprised we're speaking, in all honesty.

_Annette flaps a hand._

Annette: Grunts are too much work.

Joey: Not necessarily. Watch this.

_Joey turns to Alex._

Joey: Me. Caffeine, need. You get.

Alex: You. Stupid.

_Annette giggles, as Gunther carries over coffee for the gang._

Gunther: You all look worn out. What happened?

Rachel: Monica was refereeing a game of Laser Tag.

Gunther: Whose genius idea was it to put her in charge of that?

_The gang turns and glares at Joey._

Joey: What?

Annette: You wanna answer that one, "genius"?

Joey: No. I wanna sit here & pretend I'm dead.

_Gunther smiles._

Gunther: Don't worry about paying right now. You guys look like a bunch of zombies. Just pay when you think you can move again.

Annette: Thanks, Gunther. I owe you.

Gunther: Anytime. But you're not getting me to cover for you in that game.

Annette: Dammit!

_Gunther smiles and walks off. Scene ends and opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Rachel and Phoebe are sitting on the couch, watching TV. Enter Ross, Annette, and Mike._

Mike: Ugh, I feel like a zombie.

Annette: You're beginning to look like one, too. But as long as you don't chant "brains" or try to eat me, we'll be fine.

_Mike glares at Annette, and walks over to kiss Phoebe. Annette leans over to Ross._

Annette: If he tries to eat me, go for the head shot.

Mike: I heard that!

_Annette grins, as Ross walks over and collapses in the chair._

Rachel: Where's Joey?

Ross: He walked Alex home so he could gather up his laser tag gear.

Rachel: Oh.

Annette: I hope he isn't gonna be too late getting back. Last week when he snuck in, I almost clocked him with the cookie sheet.

Rachel: A cookie sheet?

Annette: I thought he was a burglar!

Rachel: Yeah, but a cookie sheet?

Annette: Well, it was the first thing I grabbed.

Mike: I always said your cooking was dangerous.

_Phoebe smacks Mike._

Phoebe: Behave.

Annette: Thanks, Pheebs. I thought I was gonna have to get the cookie sheet from my place.

Phoebe: No problem.

_Ross stands up._

Ross: I'm gonna check on Emma quick.

Rachel: Okay.

_Ross starts walking by the window, and glances out. Joey is standing in Alex's living room, kissing Alex. Ross gasps._

Ross: Oh my god!

Annette: What? What is it?

Ross: Uh…nothing! But you better get home, fast.

Annette: Why?

Ross: So you can get to sleep before Joey tries sneaking in.

Annette: Ross, what're you trying to hide from me?

Ross: Nothing!

_Annette glares._

Annette: Rachel, can you coax it from him, before I smack him?

Rachel: Honey, what're you hiding?

_Ross leans over, and whispers in Rachel's ear. Rachel gasps and covers her mouth with her hand._

Annette: What?

_Rachel looks at Ross, wide-eyed._

Rachel: Are you serious?

_Ross nods his head. Rachel starts pushing Annette out the door._

Rachel: Okay, you need to go home, get some rest, and not brain Joey with a cookie sheet when he walks in. Good night.

Annette: Rachel!

Rachel: What?

Annette: You two are hiding something! What is it?

_Ross looks up from his cell phone._

Ross: We're not hiding anything. We're just tired, and wanna go to bed.

_Mike starts walking over to Ross._

Mike: Hey Ross, do you want the-

_Mike looks out the window and sees Joey kissing Alex._

Mike: Oh my god!

Annette: All right, WHAT is going on?

Ross: It's noth-

Mike: Joey's kissing Alex!

Annette: WHAT?

_Annette pushes Rachel aside, and runs to the window. Annette glares._

Annette: If you all will excuse me…

Mike: Where are you going?

Annette: To get my cookie sheet.

_Annette storms out. Scene ends and opens in Central Perk. Monica, Chandler, and Mike are sitting on the couch. Rachel is sitting in the armchair. Ross and Phoebe are sitting on the chairs at the end table. Annette is working at the counter._

Chandler: So what happened last night?

Ross: Joey was in Alex's apartment, kissing her.

Monica: What? Does Annette know?

Ross: Yeah, she knows. She saw them out our window, then left. We caught her halfway across the street with a cookie sheet in her hands. She said she was taking them cookies she baked.

Phoebe: What's wrong with that? Annette's a good cook.

Rachel: Keebler didn't set up shop in their apartment. She had a bunch of those Fudge Stripe cookies on that sheet.

_Annette walks over with coffees for them._

Annette: I will have you know, I taught that recipe to those damn elves. They just don't give me credit.

Rachel: Oh, they did not.

Ross: You were gonna brain Joey with the cookie sheet!

Annette: I was not!

_A pause._

Annette: I was gonna brain Alex. Joey, I was gonna kick where it hurts the most.

Mike: Before you hurt them, why not ask them what's going on?

Annette: Because they're not here, and violence is much more relaxing.

Mike: Braining your best friend with a cookie sheet, and kicking your roommate. Explain to me how that's relaxing.

Annette: Makes me feel better.

_Annette walks back to the counter. Enter Joey and Alex, holding hands._

Joey: Hey, guys.

_Numerous greetings float back to him. Joey turns to Annette._

Joey: Hey, I'm gonna be gone tonight, you have any plans?

Annette: Yeah. Murdering someone.

Joey: What?

Mike: She's kidding.

_Mike glares at Annette._

Joey: So, DO you have plans?

Annette: I don't know yet.

_Annette turns to Gunther._

Annette: Hey Gunther, you wanna come over tonight and have sex?

_Gunther stares at Annette, and goes back to inventory counting. Annette sighs._

Annette: No, I don't have any plans.

Joey: Good, can you watch the kids?

Annette: Yeah, sure.

_Joey turns back to the gang._

Joey: Monica, we're not gonna be able to finish that laser tag game tonight.

Monica: That's okay. We're not gonna pick it up till the weekend, anyway.

Ross: Wait, we're what? No, we're not! Rachel and I have Ben this weekend, and we're taking him and Emma to the zoo!

Monica: And you still can! After we settle the tie.

Ross: Mon, you remember the incident with Melissa Farley?

Monica: She was just being a crybaby. I didn't tackle her that hard.

Ross: You knocked her ten yards! I've seen linebackers in the NFL go easier with their hits.

Monica: Hey, we won the game, didn't we?

Ross: And scared over half the neighborhood kids. No one wanted to play with us for a reason. You even went extreme on Clue.

Monica: Well, Miss Scarlet couldn't have strangled him, she didn't have the strength!

Alex: Well, as much fun as I'm having listening to all the reasons why Monica shouldn't referee this weekend, we really need to get going. We have dinner reservations.

_Alex turns to Joey._

Alex: You ready to go?

Joey: Yep.

_Joey leans in and kisses Alex. A muffin bounces off the back of his head. Joey turns and looks at Annette._

Joey: I didn't pay for a muffin.

Annette: You got a dozen free, remember? Well, eleven now.

Joey: Oh, right. Thanks!

_Joey picks up the muffin and walks out with Alex. Annette glares at them, as Gunther walks over._

Gunther: You okay?

Annette: Yeah. Why?

Gunther: Well, for one thing, you just threw a muffin at Joey.

Annette: He's dense. I could've thrown a wrecking ball at him, and he wouldn't have been fazed.

Gunther: Well, whatever's going on, try to work it out soon, okay? I hate seeing you two on the outs with one another.

Annette: Don't worry. I'll work it out of them, all right.

Gunther: I'm so glad I'm not in Joey's shoes right now.

Annette: You don't know the half of it.

_Gunther gives Annette a look, and walks away. Scene ends and opens in Alex's apartment. Alex is sitting on the couch, reading a book. Enter Joey from the bathroom._

Joey: Man, what a day. Did you see the look on Annette's face?

Alex: Yeah, I thought she was gonna kill us.

_Joey chuckles, and sits down next to Alex._

Alex: Joey, can I ask you something?

Joey: Sure.

Alex: How long do you wanna keep this up for?

Joey: What do you mean?

Alex: Well, the whole "let's pretend we're dating" thing to mess with Annette. I don't know if you've noticed or not, but she really likes you.

Joey: Oh. Just for a couple of weeks. I'll tell Chandler and the others what's going on, as long as they swear they won't tell her. This is the most fun I've ever had messing with her.

_Alex laughs._

Alex: You should've seen the pranks she'd play on the photo shoots back when she was modeling.

Joey: What'd she do?

Alex: One time, she glued the doors to the dressing room shut. It set the shoot back a couple of hours and the photographer was in a rage, but we all laughed until we cried.

Joey: You know she's right across the street right now, watching us?

Alex: Yeah. She's been there for the last five minutes.

Joey: What do you wanna do about it?

Alex: Lean over and kiss me. Make it look good.

_Joey leans over and kisses Alex in a provocative manner. Scene shifts to Ross and Rachel's apartment. Annette is standing on the terrace, watching Joey and Alex kiss through the window. Enter Ross._

Ross: Annette, Rachel and I are gonna be going to bed soon.

Annette: Uh huh.

Ross: Well, I'm telling you now, so you don't wake up Emma when you leave.

Annette: Okay.

Ross: I'll leave the window open. Just be sure you lock the door on your way out, all right?

Annette: Yeah.

Ross: Okay. Good night.

_Ross walks away. Annette turns around, revealing a Bluetooth headset in her ear._

Annette: So I have to see them when?

_A pause._

Annette: Oh, okay. Thanks. Good night.

_Annette hangs up, and looks in at the darkened apartment._

Annette: Ross? Rachel? Hello?

_Credits roll._

**CREDITS SCENE**

_Scene opens in Monica and Chandler's house. Monica is sitting on the floor of the living room, counting pieces of laser tag equipment and writing on a piece of paper. Enter Chandler._

Chandler: Honey, what are you doing?

Monica: Inventory. I need to know how many working pieces of laser tag equipment we have, so we can set up a tie breaker.

Chandler: Sweetie, it's over. We tied. Let's play something else.

Monica: No, we can't have a tie! A tie means there's no clear winner or loser.

Chandler: You're right, that would be such a bad thing. You're obsessing again.

Monica: Chandler, one word: Rogue.

_A pause._

Chandler: I'll leave you to your work.

_Chandler leaves the room, as Monica goes back to counting._


	19. The One With The Costumes

_Scene opens in Central Perk. Joey, Annette, and Phoebe are sitting on the couch. Ross and Rachel are sharing the armchair. Monica and Chandler are sitting on the chairs at the end table. Mike is sitting at the counter._

Joey: Hey, you guys know how they have the Thor, Green Lantern, and Captain America movies coming out this summer?

Chandler: What about it?

Joey: Well, I was thinking: wouldn't it be cool to have super powers like that?

Alex: What would you call yourself?

Joey: I'd be…Bacon Boy! With the power to throw sizzling bacon grease at my enemies. My costume would be made entirely of bacon, so I'd never get hungry while I'm fighting. I'd even have a catchphrase: "Justice has never tasted so good."

_Ross and Chandler look at each other, then to Joey._

Ross: How long were you up for last night, thinking that up?

Annette: Four hours, and three tapings of Baywatch.

_Theme song and title sequence plays._

**So no one told you life was gonna be this way.  
Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's DOA.  
It's like you're always stuck in second gear.  
Well, it hasn't been your day, week, month, or even your year.**

**But, I'll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour.  
I'll be there for you, like I've been there before.  
I'll be there for you, cause you're there for me too.**

_Scene opens in Joey and Annette's apartment. Annette is sitting in the chair, watching TV. Enter Joey from his bedroom, in a blue spandex outfit with a large "BB" on his chest._

Joey: Hey Annette, do we have any bacon in the fridge?

Annette: I think there might be some in the meat box. Why?

_Annette looks up and sees Joey's outfit._

Annette: Oh my god, you're not seriously going out looking like that, are you?

Joey: Of course not!

Annette: Good.

Joey: I need my mask and bacon first.

_Joey walks over to the fridge._

Annette: Joey, if you actually go outside dressed like that, I want pictures.

_Enter Chandler in a bright green costume, with lettuce hanging off of it, and a large "LL" on his chest. Annette starts laughing._

Annette: Who are you supposed to be?

Chandler: I'm Lettuce Lad, trusted companion of Bacon Boy.

Annette: I'm starting to see a theme here…

Joey: Is Ross ready to go yet?

Chandler: He's not going. He's not dressing up.

Joey: Why not? We need him to complete the set!

Chandler: Rachel won't let him. She said, and I quote, "You are not getting my boyfriend in that ridiculous suit, just so you can pull off whatever crazy stunt you have in mind."

Joey: Well, who could we get to wear it, then?

_Joey and Chandler turn and look at Annette._

Annette: NO. Absolutely not.

Joey: Well, maybe Alex will, then. I'll ask her.

Annette: Gimme!

_Chandler hands Annette a gym bag._

Annette: You didn't put it in a suit bag?

Chandler: It's spandex. You could ball it up, and it'd still come out fresh.

Annette: Point made.

_Annette walks into her room. Scene ends and opens in Central Perk. Monica, Phoebe, and Mike are sitting on the couch. Ross and Rachel are sharing the armchair._

Mike: Has anyone seen Joey and Annette at all?

Ross: No. But I think I know what they're up to. I just hope I'm-

_Enter Joey and Chandler, in costume, panting. _

Ross: -wrong.

_Chandler sticks his head out the door._

Chandler: Annette! Hurry up before those dogs track down Joey, and start trying to eat his costume again!

_Enter Annette, also panting, in a bright red spandex costume, with tomato slices hanging on it. A large "TT" is on her chest. Monica, Mike, Phoebe, Ross, and Rachel start laughing._

Joey: Quick, shut the door!

_Annette slams the door, as dogs start barking outside of it._

Joey: That was close.

Annette: SERIOUSLY, Joey? You HAD to walk by the dog pound?

Joey: I was hungry!

Annette: That's what the bacon on your costume is for!

Joey: I didn't have any bread. That's why I went by the bakery.

Annette: The bakery by the POUND? We had to run six blocks to avoid that pack!

Joey: Hey, you got your cardio in for the day.

_Annette smacks Joey._

Chandler: It could've been worse.

Annette: HOW could it have been worse?

Chandler: It could've been a bunch of rabbits with those dogs.

_Annette smacks Chandler, as Gunther walks over._

Gunther: Who are you guys supposed to be?

_Joey strikes a Superman pose._

Joey: I am…Bacon Boy!

Chandler: I am…Lettuce Lad!

_A pause._

Joey (under his breath): Annette!

_Annette sighs, and unenthusiastically strikes a pose._

Annette: And I'm…Tomato Tootsie.

_The gang laughs harder. Annette whirls around._

Annette: Okay, you know what? You can just bite me! I didn't come up with the name, Joey did!

Mike: The BLT Gang! I love it! All you're missing is Sliced Bread and Mayo Man.

Joey: Hey, good idea, Mike! You and Phoebe can do that.

_Mike looks at Joey with a horrified look._

Mike: Wait, what?

_Annette grins._

Annette: Why, sure, Mike. You or Ross could definitely fit that role. In fact, I think we have the perfect outfit for one of you.

Mike: Whoa, I didn't agree to anything. (to Phoebe) I didn't agree to anything.

_Enter Alex._

Alex: Hey, Jo…ey?

Joey: Alex! Hey!

Alex: Um…I'm gonna go over here with the sane people, now.

Joey: Oh, Alex. Was there a pack of dogs sitting outside when you came in?

Alex: No, but there's a pack of them sitting by the entrance to the alley about half a block over.

_Chandler and Annette look at Joey._

Chandler: Well, Bacon Boy, shall we go out and fight the forces of canine?

Joey: Tomato Tootsie, would you get the door? We're really gonna have to book it.

Annette: Fine, but after this, we're having a serious discussion about my name!

_Annette opens the door, as Joey and Chandler run out, yelling. Annette runs out behind them, slamming the door as a pack of barking dogs run by the window. Scene ends and opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Ben and Emma are sitting on the couch, watching cartoons. Ross is standing on the terrace, looking down into the alley. Rachel is in the kitchen, cooking dinner. Enter Joey and Annette. Joey is looking disheveled and bruised._

Joey: Hey.

Rachel: Oh my god, Joey, what happened to you?

Annette: That pack of dogs caught up with us. Luckily for him, not only were we near the pound so they all went back in, but we were also near a hospital. They said it looks worse than it is.

Joey: It's just a minor setback.

_Joey sits down slowly at the table, grimacing. Enter Ross._

Ross: Joey, did your fan club follow you back?

Joey: No, they got locked back into the pound. Why?

Ross: Because there's a whole bunch of stray dogs and cats sitting in the alley, right next to the fire escape.

_Annette grins._

Annette: Oooh, Bacon Boy. You have a fan club!

Joey: You had a bigger one with all the chefs following you, Tomato Tootsie. I told you we shouldn't have gone by the five-star district.

Annette: Okay, that's it!

_Annette grabs Joey by the ear, and drags him toward the door._

Joey: OW, OW, OW! Where are we going?

Annette: Home. We are gonna have a serious discussion about that name!

_Annette and Joey leave. Rachel turns to Ross._

Rachel: So when do you wanna-

_Ross holds up his hand._

Rachel: What?

Ross: Wait for it…

_Annette storms back in._

Annette: And NONE of you heard that name.

_Annette swings a finger in an arc at Rachel, Ross, Emma and Ben, and backs out of the door. Scene ends and opens in Monica and Chandler's bedroom. Chandler is lying in bed, reading a book. Enter Monica from the bathroom, in a French maid outfit with various cleaning supplies strapped around her waist, and a cape behind her._

Monica: Honey, look! I made my own costume!

_Chandler looks up at her._

Chandler: Where's your mask?

Monica: Masks are for wimps. I'll frighten people into keeping their mouths shut about my identity.

Chandler: What're you gonna call yourself?

Monica: I'm Super Maid!

Chandler: So where's your logo?

Monica: Ah, who needs one? People look at me, you know what they see?

Chandler: A stripper on her way to her day job?

_Monica glares at Chandler._

Chandler: Well, who else would walk around in that outfit in public?

Monica: Anyway, I thought I might be able to play with you and Joey now. Kind of let Annette off the hook.

Chandler: She complained that much, huh?

Monica: She didn't stop ranting for five hours. Kept going on about how Joey was a dense idiot with the brains of a fence post, who couldn't come up with a better name for her than Tomato Tootsie.

Chandler: Aw, sounds like a rough day for you. Why don't you join me, and we'll make a new team?

_Monica smiles and leans in to kiss Chandler, as the twins start crying. Monica groans._

Monica: Ugh, I'll be right back.

Chandler: Wait, before you do anything…

_Chandler takes a picture on his cell phone. Monica glares suspiciously at Chandler._

Monica: Who are you sending that to?

Chandler: No one. I promise.

Monica: You better not, if you want any tonight.

_Monica exits. Scene ends and opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is sitting at the computer, filling work orders. Enter Monica in her costume._

Monica: Oh my god! A woman in distress in a messy apartment! Don't worry; Super Maid is here to save you!

_Rachel looks at Monica, and starts laughing._

Rachel: Oh my god, Mon, what are you doing?

Monica: Joining up in Chandler and Joey's fun.

_Rachel stares at Monica._

Monica: What? I can be fun, too!

Rachel: Okay. But I have to get these orders in, or Ross and I are gonna be late for our dinner reservations.

Monica: Where is he, anyway?

Rachel: Probably in the bedroom. He went in there about ten minutes ago.

_Enter Ross, in a black and gold spandex outfit, a large C on his chest, and a funnel pack on his back full of crumbs. _

Rachel: Honey, what the hell are you doing?

Ross: So, Super Maid. We meet at last.

Monica: Who are you supposed to be?

Ross: I'm your nemesis: The Crumbler!

_Monica and Rachel start laughing._

Monica: What're your powers?

_Ross shoots crumbs from the pack onto the floor._

Monica: What's that supposed to do?

Ross: It makes a mess. I know your weakness: you can't ignore a mess.

Monica: Yes, I can.

_Monica starts to fidget, before pulling a mini-broom from her belt._

Monica: Dammit, Ross!

Ross: Crumbler.

Monica: Whatever. You're SO dead when I clean this up.

Ross: No, I'm not. You will CRUMBLE before my might.

_Rachel and Monica look at each other, then at Ross._

Rachel: How long did it take Joey to come up with that?

Ross: Two hours.

Monica: And how much of that time was taken up with TV and food?

Ross: An hour and forty-five minutes.

Rachel: It took him fifteen minutes to come up with that?

Ross: Well, it wouldn't have taken that long, except Annette kept walking by in her outfit. I'm not sure what attracted him more: her, or the tomato slices hanging off her outfit.

_Monica and Rachel laugh._

Rachel: Why was she doing that? Trying to get his attention?

Ross: Um…I don't know.

_Monica glares._

Monica: You know something, don't you?

Ross: ….no.

Monica: Are you lying to me?

Ross: ….no.

Monica: Ross, I know something is going on! Tell me!

_Monica moves threateningly toward Ross. Ross shoots some crumbs at her, and then looks at the clock._

Ross: Wow, look at the time! I gotta get ready for dinner.

Rachel: Our reservations aren't for hours.

Ross: Early reservations.

_Ross slams the bedroom door. Scene ends and opens in Central Perk. Rachel and Alex are sitting on the couch. Ross is sitting in the armchair. Enter Monica._

Monica: Okay, I got the apartment cleaned, the floors waxed, and the bathroom cleaned out.

Rachel: Honey, you didn't need to do all that.

Monica: Ah, it was nothing for Super Maid. Except for the crumbs SOMEONE shot out on the terrace to attract the pigeons…

Alex: What's wrong with that?

Monica: They pooed all over the terrace.

_Monica, Rachel, and Alex turn and look at Ross._

Ross: Don't look at me, I didn't do it. I took that contraption back over to Joey.

Alex: Where IS he, anyway? I haven't seen him all day.

Ross: I don't know. I left that thing, and came down here.

_Enter Ben._

Ben: Hi, Dad!

Ross: Ben, were you and your Uncle Joey out on the terrace, with that thing I was wearing earlier?

Ben: Yeah. Uncle Joey was using it to try and shoot Ping-Pong balls across the street into an apartment that left their window open.

_Alex stands up._

Alex: Excuse me; I have to go kill Joey.

Rachel: Why?

Alex: Because it was my apartment he was shooting Ping-Pong balls into.

_Alex leaves. Ross turns back to Ben._

Ross: Did you dump the crumbs out of it?

Ben: No, Uncle Joey did that, to make room for the Ping-Pong balls. Why?

Ross: Because it attracted a lot of pigeons that made a mess out there.

Ben: It was his idea!

_Monica runs toward the door._

Monica: Alex, wait for me!

_Monica runs out the door. Scene ends and opens in Central Perk. Monica and Alex are sitting on the couch. Ross and Rachel are sharing the armchair._

Rachel: How much did you hurt Joey?

Alex: We couldn't find him.

Ross: Did you check all of his normal hang-out spots?

Alex: Yeah. No sign of him.

Rachel: Did you check the local news stories?

Alex: Why would I do that?

Ross: We've started calling that the Joey Spotter Network.

_Alex stares at Ross and Rachel. Enter Annette._

Annette: Hey, guys.

Ross: Hey. Where's your costume, Tootsie?

_Annette glares at Ross._

Annette: Call me that again. I dare you.

Ross: I retract my question.

Annette: Good call.

Rachel: Have you seen Joey anywhere?

Annette: Not since he and Chandler took off this morning.

Monica: Come to think of it, I haven't seen Chandler all day, either. I wonder what they're up to?

_A scream is heard outside. Monica, Alex, Ross, Rachel, and Annette look out the window as Joey and Chandler run by, in costume. A second later, a pack of dogs and a group of people in bunny costumes run by. Ross turns back._

Ross: So, anyone want a refill?

_Numerous agreements are heard. Credits roll._

**CREDITS SCENE**

_Scene opens in Central Perk. Monica, Chandler, and Joey are sitting on the couch. Ross and Rachel are sharing the armchair. Annette is sitting in the chair at the end table._

Monica: Well, I hope you learned a lesson from all this.

Chandler: I did. Don't ever run by a vegan bunny convention in a costume with lettuce on it.

Annette: Joey?

Joey: What?

Annette: What lesson did you learn?

Joey: That dogs defy the laws of gravity, when it comes to jumping fences. That or they have springs built into their paws.

Monica: How about NOT dressing up like that? You don't see anyone else doing it.

_Enter Phoebe, in a white spandex outfit, with bread slices hanging off of it. _

Annette: Phoebe, what is that?

Phoebe: You like it? I'm…Sliced Bread!

Rachel: That explains where The Crumbler got his crumbs at.

Ross: It does not.

Monica: At least Mike isn't-

_Enter Mike, also in white spandex. Two squeeze bottles full of mayonnaise are strapped to his wrists. The gang starts laughing._

Ross: Let me guess: Mayo Man.

Mike: It was NOT my idea.

_Chandler turns to Monica._

Chandler: You wanna try to hold out hope for Alex?

Monica: I'm not even gonna bother.

_Enter Alex, in a white spandex outfit with flames drawn on. A cape trails behind her._

Joey: What the…? Who are you supposed to be?

Alex: I am…the Hottie!


	20. The One With Unagi's Return

_Scene opens in the hallway between Ross and Rachel's and Joey and Annette's apartments. Enter Ross, Rachel, Joey, and Annette._

Ross: That is the last time I go to a restaurant Phoebe recommends.

Annette: Ugh, tell me about it. I swear I saw something staring back at me out of my salad.

Joey: Hey, the service wasn't bad.

Rachel: How would you know? All you did was stare at the waitress all night.

Joey: Hey, she was hot! And she threw herself at me!

Annette: She wasn't throwing herself, she tripped! And you would've ended up with hot soup all over your lap, if Ross hadn't caught her.

_Rachel glares at Ross._

Rachel: Why were you grabbing her chest to help her, anyway?

Ross: I just stuck my hand out! I was aiming for her arm.

Rachel: Your aim needs work.

Ross: So does yours. Monica's gonna freak when she sees the chocolate stains on the wall.

Annette: Okay, overshare!

_Ross smiles, and turns to Joey and Annette._

Ross: Good night, guys.

Annette: Good night.

_Ross and Rachel enter apartment 19, as Joey and Annette enter apartment 20. A pause and then both couples enter the hallway._

Ross: Sorry.

Joey: Our fault.

_Ross and Rachel enter apartment 20, as Joey and Annette enter apartment 19. Theme song and title sequence plays._

**So no one told you life was gonna be this way.  
Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's DOA.  
It's like you're always stuck in second gear.  
Well, it hasn't been your day, week, month, or even your year.**

**But, I'll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour.  
I'll be there for you, like I've been there before.  
I'll be there for you, cause you're there for me too.**

_Scene opens in Joey and Annette's apartment. Joey is standing in the kitchen, drinking coffee and reading the newspaper. Enter Annette._

Annette: Hey.

Joey: Hey.

Annette: What're you doing?

Joey: Reading the newspaper.

Annette: Really. So what's happening with Beetle Baily?

Joey: Sarge caught him sleeping on the job again, so he-

_Joey looks over to see Annette grinning._

Joey: Shut up, the comics are still part of the newspaper.

Annette: I didn't say a word.

Joey: Maybe not, but I know that grin.

Annette: What grin?

Joey: The "I'm gonna find some way to tease Joey now" grin.

Annette: That's not the grin I have. THAT grin looks like this.

_Annette grins evilly. Joey shudders._

Joey: I'm going to work. You're scaring me.

Annette: FEAR me, little mortal.

_Annette laughs as Joey runs out the door. Scene ends and opens in Central Perk. Rachel is sitting on the couch. Ross is sitting in the armchair. Enter Annette._

Annette: Hey, guys.

Ross: Hey.

Annette: Do you guys have any of those Highlights for Kids magazines?

Rachel: No. Emma's too young for those, and Ben isn't over often enough for us to keep them there.

Annette: Damn, looks like I'm making a trip to the book store.

Rachel: Why?

Annette: Because I need some of those.

Ross: Why would you need a children's magazine?

Annette: Joey.

Ross: I had to ask…

_Rachel laughs._

Rachel: What was it this time?

Annette: He was reading the comics in the paper, trying to make it look like he was reading the news articles.

Ross: Are you sure he wasn't looking for a crime to go out and fight?

Annette: Knowing Joey, I wouldn't put it past him. But I don't think he was.

Rachel: Why?

Annette: I kinda…hid his costume from him. And burned mine in a can that some hobos were using to keep warm. That reminds me, Jasper's having a card game Thursday…

Ross: Really? Because the last time I saw you in it, you were parading back and forth in front of him.

Annette: Hey, I had stuff to do! That…required me walking by him a lot.

Ross: So you WEREN'T trying to distract or tease him, huh?

Annette: …I'm pleading the 5th.

Rachel: Annette!

Annette: Oh, like you don't hide Ross's dino magazines when you want some love or attention from him?

Ross: She what?

_Rachel glares at Annette._

Rachel: You promised!

_Annette glances at her watch._

Annette: Wow, look at the time! I'm gonna be late!

_Annette runs out the door, Rachel behind her. Scene ends and opens in a waiting room. Annette is sitting in a chair with a room full of beautiful women. Several are reading magazines. Annette looks at her watch, and sighs._

Annette: How much longer can they keep us waiting?

Woman: I wouldn't worry, honey. I've got this in the bag.

Annette: Why, what'd you do? Sleep with the casting director?

_The woman smiles. Annette shakes her head._

Annette: I wish I'd thought of that on some of my shoots, woulda loosened up a lot of the photographers.

_The woman looks up from her magazine at Annette._

Woman: Wait a minute…you're Annette Peters, aren't you?

Annette: Yes.

_The woman gets a horrified look, stands up, and starts backing away._

Woman: I'm so sorry! I-I didn't know you were gonna be here! I'll bow out.

Annette: What're you-

Woman: Please don't do anything to me!

_The woman runs out the door. Annette turns to the woman sitting next to her._

Annette: What was that all about?

Woman #2: I don't know. What'd you tell her?

Annette: Nothing. She asked me if I was Annette Peters, I said yes, and the next thing-

Woman #2: Wait, YOU'RE Annette Peters?

Annette: Yes.

_The woman stands up._

Woman #2: Hey, guys?

_Everyone turns to look at her. The woman points to Annette._

Woman #2: That's Annette Peters.

_The women leave, with only Annette and three others remain. Enter the casting director._

Casting Director: Ellen How-

_The casting director notices the mostly empty room._

Casting Director: Hey, where did they all go?

Annette: I don't know, they just got up and left.

Casting Director: Okay, well, um…who's next?

_The three remaining women point to Annette._

Casting Director: Come on back.

_Annette follows him into the room. Scene ends and opens in Central Perk. Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe are sitting on the couch. Joey is sitting in the armchair. Ross is sitting in the chair at the end table, Rachel in his lap. Mike is sitting at the counter. Enter Annette._

Annette: Hey, guys.

_Greetings float back._

Joey: How'd the audition go?

Annette: It went good, although the strangest thing happened. As soon as those girls learned who I was, most of them just got up and left.

Phoebe: Really?

Annette: Yeah. It was weird.

Mike: Maybe your reputation is catching up to you.

Annette: What reputation?

Mike: The one from your modeling days.

Annette: Hey, I do NOT have a bad reputation!

Mike: Annette, you once put Ex-Lax in a co-worker's drink.

Annette: She was being rude.

Mike: What about the time you super glued the door shut to your photographer's trailer, with him inside?

Anette: He got out!

Monica: How?

Annette: Well, let's just say there was a window, and an unfortunate loss of his pants. Now if you guys will excuse me, I'm gonna be late.

_Annette walks behind the counter._

Annette: Hey, Gunther.

Gunther: Hey. What're you doing here?

Annette: Clocking in. Duh.

Gunther: You don't work today.

Annette: Yes, I do.

Gunther: Annette, you work tomorrow.

Annette: No, I don't! I work today! It's on the calendar in Joey's…writing…

_Joey starts snickering. Annette whirls around._

Annette: Joey!

_Joey looks at his watch, and stands up._

Joey: Hey, look at the time! I gotta go!

_Joey runs out the door, Annette behind him._

Annette: Get back here, so I can hurt you!

_Scene ends and opens in Joey and Annette's apartment. Annette is crouching by the door, holding a Nerf bat. Enter Ross. Annette jumps up screaming._

Annette: UNAGI!

Ross: !

Annette: You're not Joey.

Ross: No, I'm the guy about to drop dead from the heart attack you just gave him!

_Annette lowers the bat._

Annette: Don't be such a baby. If you have a heart attack, I'll do CPR.

Ross: Yeah, I'm sure Rachel will love that idea. Her walking in, to see you KISSING ME!

Annette: You think she'd jump to that conclusion?

Ross: It's RACHEL.

Annette: Good point.

_Annette walks over to the box Chick and Duck Jr. are in, and lifts them out._

Annette: So what's up?

Ross: Joey was wondering if he left his wallet up here. He wrote down some audition information, left it in his wallet, and now he can't find it.

Annette: It's probably in his pants from yesterday.

Ross: Which pants was he wearing?

Annette: The ones with the ketchup stains on the knees, I think.

Ross: Thanks.

_Ross starts walking toward Joey's room._

Annette: Ross, is Joey seriously dating Alex?

_Ross pauses, with a panicked look on his face._

Ross: I don't know. Why ask me?

Annette: Because Joey tells you and Chandler everything.

Ross: So why aren't you asking Chandler?

Annette: You're closer and easier to torture if you don't tell me.

Ross: Do you not want him to be with Alex?

_Annette looks away. Ross enters Joey's room, and walks out a moment later._

Ross: I can't find them.

Annette: Call him.

Ross: Good idea.

_Ross pulls out his cell phone._

Ross (on the phone): Joey? Hey. What pants were you wearing yesterday?

_A pause._

Ross (on the phone): No, YESTERDAY.

_A pause._

Ross (on the phone): Well, why would you be wearing those?

_A pause._

Ross (on the phone): Where did you leave them?

_A pause. Ross walks into Joey's room, and walks out a moment later with his wallet._

Ross (on the phone): Yeah, it's right here.

_A pause._

Ross (on the phone): Let me look. By the way, why was there a pair of chaps in your room?

_Annette blushes, and runs into Joey's room._

Ross (on the phone): Never mind.

_Annette runs into her room, and slams the door. Scene ends and opens in Central Perk. Monica, Phoebe, and Mike are sitting on the couch. Rachel is sitting in the armchair. Ross and Chandler are sitting in the chairs at the end table. _

Mike: So what did you guys think of Thor?

Monica: Eh, it was all right. Not really my kind of movie.

Chandler: Since when? When he walked out without his shirt on, you were drooling so much, I thought we were gonna ride a raft out of the theater.

Monica: Shut up! You wouldn't stop staring at that Jane woman! It felt like I was on a date with Joey!

Ross: Guys, no spoilers! I'm taking Ben to see it this weekend, I'd rather not know anything!

Mike: Oh, you mean like the part where Thor and Loki-

_Rachel smacks Mike._

Mike: Ow!

Rachel: He said no spoilers!

Mike: Phoebe, a little help here?

Phoebe: No, you did wrong.

_Enter Joey and Annette._

Annette: I'm telling you, they're not mine!

Joey: Well, whose are they?

Annette: Maybe they're yours.

Joey: I don't own a pair of chaps!

Annette: What about that gay cowboy musical you were auditioning for last week?

Joey: That was not a gay cowboy musical! It was a cowboy movie, and I didn't take a pair of chaps.

Annette: Joey, all the men auditioning were in outfits _I_ wouldn't be caught dead in! And they wanted you to sing. It was a GAY COWBOY MUSICAL.

Joey: Maybe they were YOUR chaps.

Annette: Why would I own chaps?

Joey: Why was there a message on the answering machine for you from a strip club?

Mike: There was a WHAT?

_Annette gets a panicked look, and looks at her watch._

Annette: Can't talk, gotta work!

_Annette runs behind the counter._

Mike: Get out here, we're not done talking!

Annette: On the clock. Sorry.

_Mike glares at Annette._

Mike: Oh, this isn't over.

Annette: Talk later.

_Monica turns to Joey._

Monica: So Joey, how was your-

Joey: It was not a gay cowboy musical!

_The gang stares at Joey. Scene ends and opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is sitting at the table, reading a magazine. Enter Ross, examining the wall by the door before entering._

Rachel: Honey, what are you doing?

Ross: The last time I opened a door, I was almost beaten with a Nerf bat by Annette.

Rachel: Well, I don't think you need to worry about that. She offered to take Emma to the park.

Ross: Oh, okay.

Annette (from behind Ross): UNAGI!

Ross: !

_Annette laughs, and sets Emma down on the floor._

Annette: Ah, grasshopper must always be aware of surrounding.

Ross: I am NOT Joey!

Annette: I know. That time was just because scaring you is so much fun.

_Ross glares at Annette._

Ross: I will get you back for that!

Annette: I doubt it, dino boy.

Ross: Rach? Little help here?

_Rachel laughs and shakes her head._

Rachel: No way. You go against Annette, you do it alone. She's my partner in crime when I wanna prank Joey.

_Annette begins to back out of the door._

Annette: Unagi.

Rachel: Salmon skin roll.

Annette: Tuna fin flip.

Rachel: Trout tail slap.

Annette: Walleye toss.

Ross: Catfish spine puncture.

_Rachel and Annette stare at Ross._

Ross: What? I thought we were naming random fish things.

_Rachel and Annette look at each other, and giggle._

Rachel: Sure, random fish things.

Ross: I'm feeling scared now…

_Annette grins at Ross and walks out the door. Scene ends and opens in Joey and Annette's apartment. Annette is crouched by the door, Nerf bat in hand. Enter Chandler._

Annette: UNAGI!

Chandler: !

Annette: Dammit! What is it with you guys and no Joey?

Chandler: I don't know, I'm too busy FREAKING OUT!

Annette: I swear, you and Ross are the biggest babies I have ever met.

_Annette turns on the lights._

Annette: Help me with these magazines.

_Annette hands Chandler a stack of magazines. Chandler looks at the title._

Chandler: Highlights for Children?

Annette: Go put those in the bathroom, while I put this stack by Joey's chair.

Chandler: You are so mean.

_Annette grins._

Annette: I know.

Chandler: Do you think maybe Ross told Joey about your Unagi stunt?

Annette: I don't know. Why?

Chandler: Joey asked me to come up here and check the apartment. Now I know why.

_Chandler walks into the bathroom, magazines in hand. Scene ends and opens in Phoebe and Mike's apartment. Phoebe is sitting on the couch next to Mike. Mike is holding her hand._

Mike: Are you sure?

Phoebe: No.

Mike: What did the test say?

Phoebe: I couldn't make it out. I already called the doctor's office. I have an appointment in a couple of weeks.

Mike: Just know that whatever the result is, I'll be there with you. I love you, Phoebe.

Phoebe: I love you too, Mike.

_Mike and Phoebe kiss. Credits roll._

**CREDITS SCENE**

_Scene opens in Joey and Annette's apartment. Annette is crouched by the door, Nerf bat in hand._

Annette (thinking): All right, Joey. Now there is NO WAY I'm gonna miss you this time. No Ross, no Chandler, no Mike. I have you now!

_Annette waits by the door for several minutes, before standing up._

Annette (thinking): Screw it, I'll get him tomorrow.

_Annette walks to her bedroom door and opens it. Joey pounces out._

Joey: UNAGI!

Annette: !

Joey: Tribbiani Shadow Strike!

_Joey sits down in his chair and picks up a magazine, as Annette leans against the door frame._

Joey: Hey, these are pretty cool. Remind me to take a subscription for them.

_Annette glares at Joey, as he reads the magazine._

**(A/N Thanks to some of my family members helping out, I was able to get some free time from caring for my grandmother to finish this. Thank you to all of you on Twitter who wished her well. It means a lot to the both of us. Also, thank you for your patience, readers. Four more to the finale, so if you didn't get your votes in, hurry.)**


	21. The One With All The Chasing

**(A/N Credit to TorchwoodRose for Joey in a dress.)**

_Scene opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Ross and Rachel are sitting on the couch, watching TV._

Ross: Reality TV stinks.

Rachel: What's wrong with it?

Ross: Well, it's all the same thing: twenty-something people pretending to have a problem, just to drive up ratings and cause drama. It's boring. I don't know why we keep the TV.

Rachel: Well, for one thing, you have your Discovery shows. And I like watching E! if there's something good on.

Ross: You're right. I love you.

Rachel: I love you, too.

_Ross leans in to kiss Rachel. Enter Annette, who runs for the terrace window._

Annette: You didn't see me!

_Ross and Rachel stare in confusion. Enter Joey, in a dress and heels._

Joey: Get back here, Peters! And give me back my clothes!

_Joey chases Annette out the window. Rachel turns to Ross._

Rachel: Cancel the cable tomorrow?

Ross: Yeah. Living next to those two is better than anything on TV.

_Rachel laughs. Theme song and title sequence plays._

**So no one told you life was gonna be this way.  
Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's DOA.  
It's like you're always stuck in second gear.  
Well, it hasn't been your day, week, month, or even your year.**

**But, I'll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour.  
I'll be there for you, like I've been there before.  
I'll be there for you, cause you're there for me too.**

_Scene opens in Central Perk. Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe are sitting on the couch. Mike is sitting in the armchair. Annette is sitting in the chair at the end table. Enter Ross._

Ross: Hey.

_Greetings float back. Ross turns to Annette._

Ross: Next time you steal Joey's clothes, don't run down our fire escape.

Annette: I'm sorry, yours was closer!

Ross: We had the cops over last night! They thought a transvestite was chasing you.

Mike: Wait, what happened?

Ross: Annette hid Joey's clothes, and took off down our fire escape.

Mike: So what's this about a transvestite?

Annette: I…kinda…left a dress and heels out for him. Although in all honesty, his make-up could've used a little work.

_Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe start laughing._

Mike: Annette…

Annette: What? He looked really cute! I even took pictures.

Ross: You did? Lemme see!

_Annette pulls out her cell phone, as Ross, Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe gather around._

Phoebe: He could use more blush.

Annette: That's what I said! Make his cheeks stand out more.

_Enter Joey, in a tuxedo._

Monica: Oh my god, Joey…what is with the tuxedo?

Joey: I needed a reason to wear a bowtie.

Annette: Why?

Joey: Because…bowties are cool.

Chandler: Okay, Joey? Two things: one, you're not the Eleventh Doctor. And two, the Eleventh Doctor sucks.

Joey: Liar! He's better than the Tenth Doctor! Besides, bowties ARE cool!

Chandler: NO ONE is better than the Tenth Doctor!

Joey: Eleventh!

Chandler: Tenth!

Monica: Boys! Take your nerd fight elsewhere!

_Chandler looks at Joey._

Chandler: Whoathon?

Joey: You're on! By the way, Ross, you should really consider a tweed jacket for when you're teaching class.

Ross: And you should consider a strapless back the next time you go chasing Annette down the street.

_Scene ends and opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is sitting on the couch, reading a magazine. Enter Ross._

Rachel: Hi, honey.

Ross: Hey.

_Ross leans down and kisses Rachel._

Rachel: How was your day?

Ross: It was all right, until I talked to Joey.

Rachel: Did he mention the smoke coming from here? Because I can explain…

Ross: No…what smoke?

Rachel: Nothing! And there is no reason at all to look in the oven!

Ross: Rachel, what did you do?

Rachel: Nothing, I swear!

_Ross starts walking toward the oven. Rachel jumps up, and races over to stand in front of the oven door._

Rachel: No, don't look!

Ross: Honey, I doubt there is anything in there I haven't seen before. Now come on, move.

Rachel: No!

_Ross grabs Rachel, and starts struggling to move her away from the oven door. Enter Annette and Monica._

Annette: Woops, I think we interrupted their hug-fest.

Monica: What're you guys doing?

Rachel: Nothing.

Ross: She said there's something in the oven that I don't wanna see.

Annette: Oh, you must be talking about that roa-

Rachel: Shut up! Or I'll tell Mike about the job offer from the strip club.

Ross and Monica: The WHAT?

Annette: Rachel!

Monica: You got a job offer from a STRIP CLUB? Mike's gonna flip when he finds out!

Ross: Forget Mike, JOEY'S gonna go nuts!

Annette: Well, first off, Rachel is going to die a painful death for saying anything AFTER I swore her to secrecy. And second off, I didn't take the job.

Rachel: You didn't swear me to secrecy!

Annette: We spat on our pinkes, and then swore!

Monica: EW!

Rachel: NOT in front of Monica!

Annette: Oh, please. Like that's any worse than the roast you burnt, that you're trying to hide from Ross? Or the mess in Emma's room you're hiding from Monica?

_Ross and Monica glare at Rachel, who glares at Annette._

Annette: They…didn't know, did they?

Rachel: NO.

_A pause._

Annette: Bye!

_Annette runs for the terrace window, Rachel behind her._

Rachel: GET BACK HERE, PETERS!

_Scene ends and opens in Monica and Chandler's house. Joey and Chandler are sitting on the couch, watching Doctor Who._

Joey: See? Ten had four companions, and anger issues. Eleven has two companions, one who's hot as hell, and his own theme music! He's the better Doctor!

Chandler: Ten has a cooler TARDIS design.

_A pause._

Joey: Bowties are cool!

Chandler: Ten snogged two of his companions!

_Joey stares at Chandler._

Joey: "Snogged"?

Chandler: Don't judge me. British slang excites Monica.

Joey: Whatever gets you through, man. But this isn't over.

Chandler: Bring it on, Cyber boy.

_Joey glares at Chandler, and turns back to the TV. Scene ends and opens in Central Perk. Phoebe and Mike are sitting on the couch. Enter Monica and Ross._

Phoebe: Hey. I thought you were going up to get Rachel, too.

Monica: I was, but she's busy chasing Annette.

Mike: Why, what happened?

Ross: Annette spilled some secrets she wasn't supposed to. And when Monica found out one of them was a mess, she went into Monica mode.

Phoebe: How did you get her down here?

Ross: Very carefully.

_Monica turns to Ross._

Monica: You better have that Twix you promised. Or you're gonna be missing a hand.

Ross: Is this gonna be like the time you bit Dad when he tried to take the last pork chop?

Monica: I was hungry!

Ross: Mom cooked that for him! Sometimes, I felt like I needed a whip and chair just to get MY share of the food!

Monica: Oh, I was NOT that bad!

Ross: The "all you can eat" buffets had to limit you to TWO passes through the line. I think some of them even put a sign out that said "all you can eat (except Monica Geller)."

Monica: That was an April fool's prank!

Ross: It was the middle of July when they put those signs up!

Phoebe: AHEM!

_Monica and Ross turn to Phoebe._

Phoebe: Thank you. I DID wanna wait until everyone else was here, but with Rachel chasing Annette, and Joey and Chandler doing whatever it is they're doing-

Monica: They're watching Doctor Who at our place.

Phoebe: Really? Wow, they've been at it this long?

Monica: You know how stubborn those two can get.

Ross: Mon, I don't think anyone in this gang can hold a candle to you, when it comes to being stubborn.

Monica: I am NOT stubborn!

Ross: When was the last time you listened to an opinion that didn't agree with yours?

Mike: Okay, before you two get into anymore spats, we really do have something to tell you.

Monica: Sorry. What's up?

Phoebe: Well, Mike and I are-

_Annette and Rachel run by the window, dressed in bunny ears and French maid outfits. A second later, a gang of frat boys runs by, in pursuit._

Phoebe: -watching Annette and Rachel be chased by a gang of frat boys.

Ross: Hey, I know that fraternity!

_Ross runs out the door._

Ross: Stop chasing my girlfriend! I know your professors!

_Monica runs out the door with Ross._

Monica: Ross, wait! They're frat boys, you'll need help!

_Mike turns to Phoebe._

Mike: Guess we'll tell them later.

Phoebe: Eh, we'll let them sweat.

_Mike laughs, and kisses Phoebe. Scene ends and opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Enter Ross, Monica, Rachel, and Annette, all looking disheveled._

Annette: Okay, I think my cardio for the month taken care of.

Monica: Man, I never knew a mob of frat boys could run that fast, or that far.

Ross: If only they were that energetic during finals.

Rachel: I'm just glad we lost them by the bars.

Monica: How did you two end up with a mob of screaming frat boys chasing you, anyway? And where did you get those outfits at? And more importantly, do they have them in my size?

_Rachel turns and glares at Annette._

Rachel: You wanna explain it to them?

Annette: No, not really.

Ross: SOMEONE better start explaining. I had to threaten their grades to get them to stop chasing you.

Monica: I don't think it helped when one of them asked, "Which one's your old lady? The hot one or the really hot one?"

Ross: It wouldn't have been so bad, if they didn't suggest a wet T-shirt contest to settle THAT question.

Rachel: Which I would have won!

Annette: Oh please, my chest is bigger than yours.

_Rachel and Annette turn to Ross._

Rachel: Sweetie, whose chest is bigger?

Ross: Uh…

Annette: "Sweetie"? You're trying to sway his answer!

Rachel: I am not!

Annette: You just tried!

Rachel: He's my boyfriend, I can call him what I want!

Annette: Really. So you're NOT trying to sway his decision?

Rachel: No!

Annette: Good.

_Annette turns to Ross and sticks out her chest._

Annette: Ross, feel my chest.

_Ross's eyes widen._

Rachel: WHAT?

Annette: Feel my chest, and then compare that to Rachel's. Tell us which is bigger.

Ross: Um…

Rachel: Now you're trying to influence my boyfriend's decision!

Annette: How am I influencing?

Rachel: "Feel my chest"? That's worse than the frat boys wanting to judge our chests on the street with a wet T-shirt contest!

Annette: What like you saying "sweetie" is any better? You were subtly saying, "Pick me, or you won't be getting sex from me for a month".

Rachel: I was not!

Annette: Liar! You were threatening his decision, because you're his girlfriend! AND you stuff your bra!

_Rachel gasps, and smacks Annette._

Rachel: You take that back!

Annette: No!

Rachel: At least my butt doesn't jiggle like a bowl of Jell-O when I walk!

_Annette gasps, and smacks Rachel._

Annette: You take that back!

Rachel: Not until you take back your comment!

Annette: No, bra stuffer!

Rachel: Butt jiggler!

_Rachel and Annette start smacking each other._

Annette: Take it back!

Rachel: YOU take it back!

_Annette and Rachel continue to smack each other. Monica steps in and grabs them by the ear._

Annette and Rachel: Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow…

Monica: You two are grounded! Go to your rooms!

Annette: My room is in-

Monica: GO!

_Annette walks toward the door, as Rachel walks toward her room._

Rachel: Can we at least-

_Monica points threateningly. Rachel walks in and slams the door, as Annette walks out the front door._

Ross: We never did learn where they got those costumes.

Annette (from the hall): A shop over on 65th!

_Monica glares, and runs out the door. Scene ends and opens in Joey and Annette's apartment. Annette is standing in the bathroom, examining her butt in the mirror. Enter Alex._

Alex: Hello?

Annette: In here.

Alex: What're you doing?

Annette: Rachel said my butt jiggles when I walk. It doesn't, does it?

_Alex looks away, uncomfortably._

Annette: Alex!

Alex: Well, how am I supposed to answer that? If I say yes, you get bent out of shape. If I say no, you accuse me of lying. There's no happy medium! Actually, now I know how a guy feels when I ask him if something I wear makes me look fat…

_Annette giggles, and returns to looking in the mirror._

Annette: So what's up?

Alex: Well, I was coming over to look for Joey, but here's a better question: Why is Monica standing in the hall, with a bat in her hands?

Annette: Rachel and I are grounded to our apartments for fighting. She's sitting out there to make sure we don't leave until she says we can.

_Alex laughs._

Annette: Shut up, it's not funny!

Alex: Yes it is! You're 28 years old, and you got grounded to your apartment by your friend!

Annette: YOU go cross Monica, then.

_Alex shakes her head._

Alex: NO way. I'd rather face off against an audit for the last ten years, than face Monica.

Annette: Okay, then.

_Annette wiggles her butt._

Annette: Bra stuffing liar…it does NOT jiggle!

Alex: Bra stuffer? Are you talking about Rachel?

Annette: Yeah.

Alex: She doesn't stuff her bra.

Annette: How would you know?

Alex: Two reasons: one, I know people who do that. And two, I asked Ross.

_Annette glares at Alex, as the phone rings._

Annette: Hello?

_A pause._

Annette: Yes, this is Annette Peters.

_A pause._

Annette: What? Are you serious?

_A pause._

Annette: Yes, I can come in next week. What time?

_A pause._

Annette: Okay, no problem. Thank you.

_Annette hangs up, and turns to Alex._

Annette: I just got a call-back about that role I auditioned for.

Alex: What'd they say?

Annette: They want me to come back next week for a second reading!

_Alex squeals, and hugs Annette._

Alex: That's fantastic! Congratulations!

_Alex and Annette jump up and down, hugging each other. Credits roll._

**CREDITS SCENE**

_Scene opens in Monica and Chandler's house. Joey and Chandler are sitting on the couch. Numerous pizza boxes and fast food wrappers litter the floor. The end credits for Doctor Who are on the TV screen. Joey turns to Chandler._

Joey: There, see? The Eleventh Doctor IS the better one. That newest episode just proved it.

Chandler: The Tenth Doctor would've torn those gangers apart.

Joey: Bowties are cool!

Chandler: Snogged two companions!

_Joey and Chandler glare at each other._

Chandler: Redo?

Joey: Redo.

_Joey picks up the remote, and turns on The Christmas Invasion._


	22. The One With The Soap Opera Prank

_Scene opens in Central Perk. Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are sitting on the couch. Ross and Rachel are sharing the armchair. Annette is sitting in the chair at the end table._

Ross: So when they opened the box, the darn thing had disappeared. It turned out that-

_Ross is interrupted by the TARDIS materialization sound, as the TARDIS appears behind the couch. Enter Joey from the TARDIS, dressed as the Eleventh Doctor. Joey points to Annette._

Joey: Come along, Pond.

_Annette steps into the TARDIS with Joey, as it disappears. Scene changes to Monica and Chandler's bedroom. Chandler sits up in bed, and shakes Monica._

Chandler: Honey, wake up!

_Monica sits up in a panic._

Monica: What? What is it? Are the kids all right?

Chandler: They're fine. Honey, I want a TARDIS.

_Monica glares at Chandler._

Monica: When I wake up, you are dead meat.

_Monica lies back down in a huff. Theme song and title sequence plays._

**So no one told you life was gonna be this way.  
Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's DOA.  
It's like you're always stuck in second gear.  
Well, it hasn't been your day, week, month, or even your year.**

**But, I'll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour.  
I'll be there for you, like I've been there before.  
I'll be there for you, cause you're there for me too.**

_Scene opens in Central Perk. Monica and Annette are sitting on the couch. Phoebe is sitting in the armchair. Rachel is sitting in the chair at the end table. Enter Chandler and Joey._

Joey: Let me fly it!

Chandler: No, you can't fly it!

Joey: Please?

Chandler: No!

Joey: Please, please, please, please, please, please, please?

Annette: As much fun as I'm having watching Joey beg I feel I need to ask: what is he begging to fly?

Monica: I told Chandler he could build a TARDIS in the back yard.

_Annette points to Joey._

Annette: No, you CANNOT build a TARDIS in the apartment!

Joey: Dammit!

Chandler: Where's Ross?

Rachel: He took Ben and Emma to the movies, and then out for ice cream. Why?

Chandler: I want his help in building my TARDIS from that kit.

Monica: No, I said NO kit. I said if you wanted to build one, you were gonna have to build it from scratch.

_Joey looks at Annette._

Annette: Still no.

Joey: Dammit!

_Scene ends and opens in Monica and Chandler's house. Chandler and Joey are standing in the back yard, numerous building materials scattered around. Enter Ross._

Ross: Hey.

Chandler: Hey. How was the movie?

Ross: It was all right. Ben enjoyed it immensely. Anyway, Monica said you guys were looking for me. What's up?

Chandler: We're building a TARDIS, could use your help.

Joey: And he won't let me fly it!

_Ross and Chandler look at Joey, then at each other._

Ross: You want this one?

Chandler: No, you can have it.

Ross: Okay. Uh, Joey, this isn't a real TARDIS. It's a prop.

Joey: Oh, I get it! You're using a fake to draw out the Doctor's enemies and get him to show up! Cool!

_Ross and Chandler stare at Joey._

Chandler: Did you ride the short bus when you were a kid?

_Scene ends and opens in Joey and Annette's apartment. Rachel and Annette are standing in the living room with scripts._

Rachel: "Who do you think you are, kissing my boyfriend?"

Annette: "I think I'm the woman he's in love with, that's who!"

Rachel: "I'm the woman he's gonna marry!"

_Scene changes to the hallway between apartments 19 and 20. Enter Phoebe._

Rachel (from the apartment): "He'll never leave me for you! He loves me!"

Annette (from the apartment): "I'm pregnant with his baby!"

_Phoebe gasps, and runs down the stairs. Scene changes to Joey and Annette's apartment._

Rachel: So what kind of show is this gonna be, anyway?

Annette: A soap opera, if this script is any indication.

Rachel: You know, if anyone were to walk by the door or walk in right now, they would SO be getting the wrong idea.

Annette: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Rachel: Do we let Ross and Joey in on this idea?

Annette: No way. I wanna see the look on Joey's face when he learns about this.

Rachel: Well, I think I should tell Ross. I don't want him to be mad at me. And besides, I'm dating him.

Annette: Rachel…

Rachel: Annette, he's my BOYFRIEND. I don't want him to be mad at me, or have the wrong idea.

Annette: Fine, but if he says anything to Joey, I get to hit him!

Rachel: Deal.

_Rachel and Annette shake hands. Scene ends and opens in Central Perk. Monica and Mike are sitting on the couch. Enter Phoebe, panting._

Mike: Hi, honey.

Phoebe: No time! Monica, sit down!

Monica: I AM sitting down.

Phoebe: Oh, okay. How are you?

Monica: I'm…fine.

Mike: Pheebs, why are you out of breath?

Phoebe: Huh? Oh, right. I was running down the stairs.

Mike: Why?

Phoebe: Because I have to tell you something.

Monica: What?

_Gunther walks over and hands a coffee to Phoebe._

Phoebe: Ooh, thank you!

Monica: Phoebe. This thing you needed to tell me. What is it?

Phoebe: Oh, right. Ross is cheating on Rachel with Annette!

_Monica jumps up._

Monica: WHAT?

Phoebe: Yeah! I was heading over to Ross and Rachel's apartment to see if Rachel wanted to go shoe shopping, and I heard them arguing in Joey and Annette's place! And Annette said she's pregnant with his baby!

_Mike jumps up._

Mike: He did WHAT to my cousin?

Phoebe: Uh huh!

Mike: I'm gonna KILL him.

Monica: No, you're not.

Mike: And why not?

Monica: He's my brother. I'M gonna kill him!

_Enter Ross._

Ross: Hey, guys. What's go-?

Monica: You bastard!

_Monica starts beating Ross._

Ross: Ow, ow, ow! What's the matter with you?

Monica: Don't play dumb with me! Phoebe, help me hurt him!

Phoebe: Gladly!

_Phoebe begins beating on Ross._

Ross: Ow! Knock it off! What is the matter with you two?

Monica: Don't play dumb, we know what you did!

Phoebe: Yeah, I heard Rachel and Annette arguing about it! Once wasn't enough for you?

Ross: Well, the first one was kind of stale, so I got a second one! What's wrong with that?

_Monica and Phoebe gasp, and beat Ross even harder._

Monica: That's even worse! I can't believe you! Chandler's going to be raising the twins alone, because I'm gonna MURDER you!

Phoebe: Oh, actually, Chandler will probably remarry.

Monica: You're not helping.

Ross: You two are crazier than usual! I'm getting out of here.

Monica: No, you're gonna stay here and get beaten!

_Ross runs for the door, as Monica and Phoebe chase him._

Ross: For the record, Rachel knew!

_Ross runs out the door. Scene ends and opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Annette and Rachel are sitting on the couch. Annette is giving Rachel a pedicure. Enter Ross._

Ross: Hey.

Rachel: Hi, honey.

_Ross leans down and kisses Rachel._

Ross: Have you two been talking to Monica or Phoebe?

Annette: No, we haven't seen them all day. Why?

Ross: Well, they started beating on me down in the coffee house, and asking me how I could do that to you.

Rachel: Do what?

Ross: I don't know. They didn't stop smacking me long enough for me to find out. I'm assuming they mean me taking your donut.

_Annette grins._

Annette: Rach, you don't suppose Phoebe heard us rehearsing and got the wrong idea, do you?

Ross: Rehearsing for what?

Annette: I got a call back on a soap opera I auditioned for. Rachel was helping me rehearse a scene earlier.

Ross: What scene?

Annette: I'm having an affair with my friend's boyfriend, and I'm pregnant with his baby.

_A pause._

Ross: You two are gonna be the death of me, you know that?

_Rachel and Annette laugh._

Annette: Oh, come on! We're not THAT bad!

Ross: Annette, do you know how many pranks you've played on Joey this week?

Annette: Um…five?

_Ross shakes his head._

Annette: Ten?

Ross: Try fifteen.

Annette: What? I was not that bad!

_Ross begins counting on his fingers._

Ross: Salt in his coffee, flushing the toilet while he was in the shower, shaving cream on his pie…

Annette: Hey, he still ate it. And enjoyed it, I might add.

Ross: I've seen Joey eat a corndog from Coney Island. That isn't saying much.

Annette: Okay, so I prank him. But he makes it so easy! And fun!

Ross: You are a bad influence on my girlfriend. And by proxy, me.

Annette: What do you mean?

Ross: Monica was beating on me. And now, I want revenge.

_Ross leans down._

Ross: So, tell me the plan.

_Rachel and Annette look at each other, and grin. Scene ends and opens in a hospital waiting room. Phoebe is sitting in a chair, a book open in her lap. Mike is sitting in the chair next to her._

Phoebe: Ooh, there he is!

Mike: There who is?

_Mike looks at the title of the book._

Mike: Honey, that's a Where's Waldo? book.

Phoebe: I know! I'm getting really good at spotting him.

Mike: That's the sort of thing Joey would read while waiting.

Phoebe: Nuh uh! This is.

_Phoebe holds up a copy of The Little Engine That Could. Mike laughs._

Mike: Okay, you got a point there.

_Enter the nurse._

Nurse: Phoebe Hannigan?

_Phoebe stands up._

Nurse: The doctor will see you now.

Mike: I'll wait here for you.

Phoebe: Okay.

_Phoebe follows the nurse through the door. Scene ends and opens in Monica and Chandler's house. Chandler and Joey are sitting on the couch with open beers. Doctor Who is on the TV. Enter Monica._

Monica: I'm gonna KILL him! Didn't he learn anything from the incident with Chloe?

_No reply._

Monica: And with ANNETTE, of all people? Mike is gonna kill him!

_No reply._

Monica: Are you two even listening to me?

_No reply. Chandler sets his beer directly on the coffee table._

Monica: CHANDLER! I am gonna KILL you!

Chandler: There! See? I told you the TARDIS didn't have that sign on the door with the Tenth Doctor!

Joey: Okay, okay.

_Joey looks at Chandler's beer._

Joey: You know, if Monica were here, she'd kill you for not using a coaster.

Chandler: I know, right? Good thing she's not here.

_Joey laughs, and sets his beer down. A knock is heard._

Chandler: It's open!

_Enter Ross and Annette, holding hands. Annette's stomach is prominently exposed._

Chandler: Hey, it's the newlyweds!

Monica: The WHAT?

Ross: Hey, guys. We were just on our way to the airport for our trip to Greece, but thought we'd stop and say hi.

Joey: Shame about Rachel.

Ross: Who cares? She and Emma never made me happy, anyway. Annette was always the one for me.

Annette: I love you, too.

_Ross leans in and kisses Annette, as Monica screams. Scene changes to Monica and Chandler's bedroom. Monica sits up in bed._

Monica: Chandler! Wake up!

Chandler: I'm not here right now; leave a message after the beep.

Monica: Honey, watch the kids. And have some bail money ready for me.

Chandler: Why?

Monica: Because I'm going to go kill Ross.

Chandler: Monica, it's 2:42 in the morning. Kill him tomorrow.

Monica: Why?

Chandler: Because I wanna sleep, that's why.

_Chandler rolls over. Monica glares at him._

Monica: You know, I should kill you for not using a coaster. Instead, you aren't getting any for a week.

Chandler: I can explain that…

Monica: Too late! Good night.

_Monica lies back down. Scene ends and opens in Central Perk. Monica and Chandler are sitting on the couch. Phoebe is sitting in the armchair. Joey is sitting in the chair at the end table._

Chandler: Honey, you can't kill Ross.

Monica: I'm not gonna kill Ross. What makes you say that?

Chandler: The fact that you were muttering "kill Ross" all morning while feeding Erica and getting her dressed.

Monica: I was rehearsing!

Chandler: What, your defense at the murder trial?

_Monica glares at Chandler. Enter Ross, Annette, and Rachel._

Rachel: I cannot believe you two!

Annette: What? We love each other, and this baby is proof of it!

Rachel: And just WHEN did you decide to sleep with my boyfriend, anyway?

Annette: When you were out with Emma at the park that day.

_Rachel gasps._

Rachel: You slept with her while I was out with our DAUGHTER?

Ross: If you'd been a better lover, I wouldn't be sleeping behind your back!

Rachel: Well, why don't you just go and kiss her right here in front of everyone?

Ross: All right, I will!

_Ross yanks Annette in and kisses her deeply. Monica, Chandler, Phoebe, and Joey gasp._

Annette: Wow…that's the best kiss you've given me yet.

Monica: I can't believe you! Did the incident with Chloe teach you NOTHING, Ross?

Joey: And with my ROOMMATE? You hurt Rachel with my ROOMMATE? If Mike doesn't kill you, I will!

Phoebe: And as for YOU, young lady, what were you thinking?

_Ross, Rachel, and Annette start laughing._

Phoebe: Why are you laughing?

Annette: Phoebe, did you walk up and hear me and Rachel talking about me being pregnant with Ross's baby?

_Phoebe gasps._

Phoebe: You have psychic powers, too?

Annette: No. Rachel and I were rehearsing a scene for an audition I got.

Ross: You guys should know I'd never hurt Rachel on purpose. And I would never cheat on her again. Not after that Chloe incident.

Monica: So what was this all about?

Ross: Payback for beating on me the other day! I had no idea what was going on, and you two started laying into me.

Annette: Also, it was a lot of fun to mess with your heads.

Monica: I'm sorry I hit you, Ross. But you know what?

Ross: What?

Monica: NOW you know why I'm gonna kick your asses!

Ross: Uh, ladies? I suggest we RUN.

_Ross, Rachel, and Annette run out the door with Monica, Joey and Phoebe behind them._

Monica: Come back here! We're not done hitting you!

_Chandler looks around._

Chandler: Well, I'll just keep the seats warm, then!

_Scene ends and opens in Mike and Phoebe's apartment. Mike and Phoebe are sitting on the couch, watching TV._

Mike: I hope Annette learned a lesson from all this.

Phoebe: Why's that?

Mike: Because I've never seen her run that fast, or that far.

Phoebe: Well, having Monica right behind you for 12 city blocks tends to motivate someone to run as fast as they can. And the look on your face when we ran by was priceless, honey.

Mike: Well, it's not every day you see your cousin run by, being chased by your wife.

Phoebe: Yeah, that's true. And I think that bruise Monica gave her is gonna be a good reminder not to play a prank like that again.

_Mike laughs._

Mike: Well, I hope this time, the lesson sticks.

Phoebe: It should. Oh, honey. I almost forgot to tell you: the doctor called me with the test results.

Mike: What did he say?

_Scene shifts to the back of the couch. Phoebe leans over and whispers into Mike's ear. Credits roll._

**CREDITS SCENE**

_Scene opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Rachel and Annette are sitting at the table in bathrobes, ice packs on various parts of their body. Enter Ross._

Ross: Hey.

Rachel: Hi, honey.

_Ross kisses the top of Rachel's head._

Rachel: Ow…

Ross: Sorry.

Annette: How did you lose Joey?

Ross: I ran by a toy store.

Rachel: Baby, would you check on Emma? I put her down a little while ago, but she wanted you to read her a bedtime story.

Ross: Oh, okay.

_Ross exits to Emma's room. Rachel and Annette stand up and take off their robes, revealing ninja costumes. Annette hands Rachel a mask._

Annette: So which one do you want: Monica, or Phoebe?

Rachel: Monica. I know her weaknesses.

Annette: You got it.

_Rachel and Annette leave. Enter Ross._

Ross: Rach, where did you leave-?

_Ross looks around the empty apartment._

Ross: Uh oh.

**(A/N Coming down to the wire. Two more episodes to the finale, so if you haven't voted on it yet, you have 1 more week to do so. Also, I have had continuity errors pointed out to me on Twitter. Readers, I'm asking you to suspend your disbelief, please. I barely remember 3 DAYS ago, let alone 7 years.)**


	23. The One With Annette's Decision

_Scene opens in Joey and Annette's apartment. Annette is sitting on the floor, feeding Chick & Duck Jr. Enter Joey._

Joey: Hey.

Annette: Hey.

Joey: What're you doing?

Annette: I'm feeding the chick & the duck.

Joey: You know that's dangerous, right?

Annette: No Joey, sticking your finger through a hole in their box and wiggling it around is dangerous. It's also a good way of getting bit.

Joey: I saw it done on TV! It worked!

Annette: That was a LOONEY TUNES cartoon!

Joey: Anyway, I have 2 tickets to the Rangers game. Alex doesn't wanna go, Ross is grading papers, Mike's at a gig, and Chandler's building his TARDIS…

_Joey looks hopefully at Annette._

Annette: Still no.

Joey: Dammit! Anyway, you wanna go?

Annette: Hockey? I dunno…

Joey: Call it a date.

_A pause._

Annette: Put the kids in the box, we're gonna miss the first period!

_Joey and Annette put the birds in the box. Annette grabs the box, walks across the hall, and bangs on Ross and Rachel's door. The door opens to reveal Rachel._

Rachel: Annette! Hey. What's up?

Annette: Date with Joey, need you to watch kids, k thanks, bye .

_Annette shoves the box in Rachel's hands and runs down the stairs, as Rachel stares. Theme song and title sequence play._

**So no one told you life was gonna be this way.  
Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's DOA.  
It's like you're always stuck in second gear.  
Well, it hasn't been your day, week, month, or even your year.**

**But, I'll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour.  
I'll be there for you, like I've been there before.  
I'll be there for you, cause you're there for me too.**

_Scene opens in Central Perk. Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe are sitting on the couch. Joey is sitting in the armchair. Ross is sitting in the chair at the end table, Rachel in his lap. Annette is working at the counter._

Rachel: So how was the game?

Joey: It was good. Rangers won, 3-2.

Annette: Ahem.

Joey: No.

Annette: AHEM!

Joey: No! I refuse to accept it! You cheated somehow!

Phoebe: What're you talking about?

Joey: Nothing. Not important.

Annette: I beat him in a hot dog eating contest last night at the game.

_The gang gasps._

Ross: You were beaten in a hot dog eating contest?

Joey: She cheated somehow!

Annette: How was I cheating?

Joey: You were shoving them down like you were used to swallowing things like that before!

Annette: Hey, just because I mastered how to suppress my gag reflex doesn't mean I cheated!

Phoebe: EW!

Annette: What?

_A pause. Annette gasps._

Annette: NO! That is NOT what I meant! Some of the stuff I've had to eat in my modeling days…it's best not to have a gag reflex.

Chandler: After seeing some of the stuff Joey eats, I think he was born without one.

Ross: So how bad did you lose?

_Joey mutters._

Monica: Speak up, we can't hear you.

Joey: 11-35, okay?

_Rachel turns to Annette._

Rachel: You ate 35 hot dogs?

Annette: Yep.

Joey: And paid for it this morning, I might add.

Annette: Oh, I did not!

Joey: So the moans and screams of "God, I wanna die right now!" coming from your room were a movie?

Annette: …shut up.

_Scene ends and opens in Central Perk. Monica is sitting on the couch. Ross is sitting in the chair at the end table. Annette is sitting on the armchair._

Ross: Hey, can you guys distract Rachel for me today?

Annette: No, I have to run soon. I have that audition today for the soap opera Rachel was helping me practice last week.

_Monica glares at Annette._

Annette: What?

Monica: That wasn't funny.

Annette: Oh, don't tell me you're still upset about that prank from last week!

Monica: You made us think Ross was cheating on Rachel with you!

Annette: Yeah. That was kind of the point.

Monica: This isn't over, Peters.

_Monica turns to Ross._

Monica: Why do you need us to distract Rachel, anyway?

Ross: Mon and Dad are coming into town today.

Monica: Why?

Ross: I asked them to come. Mom's bringing me Grandma's ring.

_Monica gasps._

Annette: What's going on?

Monica: Oh my god, Ross! Are you sure about this?

Ross: Yeah.

Monica: Where?

Ross: I was thinking here or the planetarium. I'm not too sure which one yet.

Annette: I'm not following.

Monica: Do it here! This place means a lot to you guys.

Annette: HEY!

_Ross and Monica look at Annette._

Annette: What's the big deal?

Monica: Ross is having Mom bring down Grandma's engagement ring.

**(A/N Yeah, like you didn't see THAT coming…)**

Annette: Oh my god, Ross, are you…?

Ross: Yes.

Monica: But if you say one word to Rachel, you'll be dealing with me. You remember the Titty Twister Phoebe gave you last week?

_Annette rubs her chest._

Annette: Yes.

Monica: My Indian Burns make that look like a tickle fest.

_Annette's eyes widen._

Annette: I'm not gonna say a word.

Monica: You better not.

Annette: Anyway, I need to get to my audition. I'll see you guys later.

_Annette leaves. A pause. Enter Annette._

Annette: It might help if I remembered this.

_Annette grabs her purse, and leaves again. Scene ends and opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Ross and Rachel are sitting on the couch, watching TV. Enter Jack and Judy Geller._

Ross: Hi, Mom! Hi, Dad!

Judy: Hello, darling. How are you?

Ross: I'm good. How are you?

Judy: We're doing fine. Although your father was distracted on the way here…

Jack: That woman had a very nice attitude; I had to compliment her on it! Also, she had a cute tush.

_Judy and Ross look at Jack._

Jack: I'm just saying!

Rachel: Hi, Judy.

Judy: Rachel, dear! How are you?

Rachel: I'm doing great. How are you?

Judy: Oh, I'm good. And where is my darling granddaughter?

Ross: Taking a nap right now. She was a little fussy earlier.

Jack: I bet I know what would make her feel better: a visit from the Candy Fairy!

Ross: Dad, I don't think that's such a good idea.

Jack: Nonsense, it worked for your sister.

Ross: The sound of the microwave running worked on Monica!

Jack: And look what a wonderful cook she turned out to be.

Rachel: At least she doesn't do it like Joey.

Judy: How's that, dear?

Ross: Naked.

_Enter Monica._

Monica: Hi, Mom! Hi, Dad!

Judy: Hello, darling!

Jack: There's my little Harmonica!

Judy: Where are my grandkids?

Monica: At home, probably driving Chandler crazy.

Judy: That poor man…you two are so lucky to have each other. Especially after Richard.

Jack: Speaking of Richard…we need to get going, if we're going to meet him at the club. You should see his new squeeze. She's a really pretty woman.

Judy: Jack!

Jack: What? I'm just saying!

Judy: Ross would you be a dear and walk us out, please?

Ross: Sure, Mom.

_Ross, Judy, and Jack leave. Rachel turns to Monica._

Rachel: That was weird.

Monica: What was?

Rachel: Your mom. She seemed unusually nice today. Is something going on?

Monica: I don't know.

Rachel: Are you lying to me?

Monica: …no.

Rachel: Monica, what's going on?

Monica: Nothing!

Rachel: Tell me, or I'll put you in another Dirty Headlock!

Monica: I still know how to do those Indian Rope Burns!

_Scene changes to the hallway between apartments 19 and 20. Judy and Ross are standing by the stairwell. Judy hands Ross a small box._

Judy: I had them adjust the size for Rachel's finger.

Ross: Thanks, Mom.

Judy: Are you sure about this, dear?

Ross: Mom, it's RACHEL.

Judy: I know. But I also remember Emily.

Ross: Emily was a mistake I never should have made. But I'm not going to lose Rachel again. I want us to be a real family.

Judy: I'm so proud of you, Ross. You and Monica.

_Judy hugs Ross._

Judy: Good luck dear.

Ross: Thanks, Mom.

_Judy walks down the stairs. Scene ends and opens in a casting room. Annette is standing in the middle of the room, a script in her hand._

Annette: "Who the hell do you think you are, to talk to me in that fashion? Do you have any idea who I am?"

Director: Well, Ms. Peters, that was very impressive. I have no reluctance in offering you the role. However, there is one catch, I'm afraid.

Annette: Does it involve hot dogs in any way?

Director: Uh, no.

Annette: Oh, good.

Director: Why did you ask?

Annette: I beat my roommate in a hot dog eating contest at the Rangers game last night.

Producer: Well, Ms. Peters, if you don't die from hot dog overload, we're prepared to offer you the role…provided you're willing to relocate.

Annette: What do you mean?

Director: The bigwigs decided that Los Angeles would be better suited for the show.

Annette: Oh.

Director: You don't need to decide right now. Take some time to think it over, and let us know in a week. Also, use the time to rub that victory in your roommate's face.

_Annette laughs._

Annette: Knowing Joey, he'll find some way to get back at me.

Director: I'm sure he will. Well, thank you for coming in, Ms. Peters. Again, take some time to decide, and let us know.

Annette: Thank you.

_Annette walks out, a worried look on her face. Scene ends and opens in Central Perk. Phoebe, Mike, and Alex are sitting on the couch. Rachel is sitting in the armchair. Ross and Chandler are sitting in the chairs at the end table. Monica is sitting at the counter. Enter Annette._

Annette: Hey, guys.

_Greetings float back._

Annette: Have you guys seen Joey anywhere?

Chandler: Joey…Joey…I used to know someone by that name.

_Monica smacks Chandler._

Chandler: Ow!

Monica: Be nice. He lost a hot dog eating contest, not a "be Chandler's best friend" contest.

Mike: What's going on?

Annette: Remember the callback for the second reading I had today?

Mike: Yeah, what about it?

Annette: Well, I got offered the role.

Mike: Annette, that's great!

Annette: Not really. There's a catch.

Phoebe: What?

Annette: It's in Los Angeles. If I take the role, I have to leave New York.

Alex: What're you gonna do?

Annette: I don't know yet. I don't wanna leave the city. You guys are here, and so is Joey. Provided I can FIND him…

Rachel: Wasn't he upstairs?

Annette: No. I stopped by the apartment, but he's not there. His bedroom light's off, and the birds were in their box.

Rachel: Really? That's odd. I wonder where he-?

_Enter Joey in a sweatshirt and Phoebe's maternity pants._

Joey: All right, Peters, it's go time!

Annette: Uh, Joey, I need to talk to you…

Joey: No, no, you need to start stuffing yourself! I'm fighting you for my title back!

Annette: How? By dressing in some rejected throwback from the 80s? Because if that's the case, I think I have a neon pink leotard upstairs in my room I can change into…

_Every male in the coffeehouse turns to look at Annette._

Annette: As you were.

Phoebe: Joey, those are my old maternity pants!

Joey: Nah, nah, these are my secret weapon pants!

Rachel: I thought they were your Thanksgiving pants.

Joey: They're my eating pants.

Chandler: Well, I know where to shop for you on your next birthday.

Ross: Joey, before you start stuffing yourself full of hot dogs, you really need to hear what Annette has to say.

Annette: Yeah, it's pretty important…

Joey: Oh, I see what's going on here. You're trying to chicken out, because you're afraid of a MAN.

_A pause._

Annette: Excuse me?

Joey: You're afraid a MAN is gonna kick your scrawny, female butt.

Annette: Okay, that's it. Put your money where your mouth is, Tribbiani! It's go time!

_Joey and Annette start for the door._

Joey: I'm gonna show you why Tribbianis are feared at all the food eating contests.

Annette: You're gonna think you're in a porn movie, before I'm done with you.

Chandler: Another one? Make sure he's the star, this time.

_Scene ends and opens in Joey and Annette's apartment. Joey and Annette are sitting in their recliners, clutching their stomachs and groaning._

Annette: Okay, Joey. I surrender. You can have your title back.

Joey: I'd gloat and do a victory dance, but I can't move. And if I do, I'm liable to explode.

Annette: I feel like I did right after Monica's barbecue.

Joey: I told you not to use buns.

Annette: Oh, I don't even wanna hear it from you. There's enough gay joke material in what you were doing to make a porno movie.

_Joey chuckles, and clutches his stomach._

Joey: Don't make me laugh.

Annette: Why?

Joey: Hurts too much.

_Annette chuckles, and clutches her stomach._

Annette: I see what you mean.

Joey: I wish Dad was here.

Annette: Why?

Joey: Because he would've welcomed you into the family with open arms right now. You beat a Tribbiani in an eating contest, and almost beat him a second time.

Annette: I would've won, if I didn't have to sneeze.

Joey: The look on the guy's face was priceless, though.

Annette: Yeah, it was pretty good. It's not every day you see hot dog meat flying across the street.

Joey: Or people screaming and ducking.

Annette: Yelling "Incoming wiener!" sure didn't help.

Joey: What about you yelling "SCHNITZEL!" at the German group?

Annette: They moved, didn't they?

Joey: True.

_Joey stands up and starts shuffling toward the door._

Annette: Where are you going?

Joey: Across the hall to see if Ross and Rachel have any Pepto Bismol.

Annette: Tell Rachel I want my pumps back, too.

_Joey exits. Annette grabs the phone, and stares at it as flashbacks of her and Joey play. Annette dials a number._

Annette: Hi, this is Annette Peters calling. I just wanted to let you know, I've made my decision.

_Credits roll._

**CREDITS SCENE**

_Scene opens in Monica and Chandler's house. Chandler is sitting on the couch, typing on his notebook. Enter Monica._

Monica: Honey?

_No reply._

Monica: Sweetie?

_No reply._

Monica: Chandler!

Chandler: What?

Monica: What're you doing?

Chandler: Looking for reference photos of the TARDIS.

Monica: Well, stop doing that for a moment.

Chandler: Only if you stop obsessively cleaning for a day.

Monica: Honey, I'm serious. I need your help with something.

Chandler: What?

_Chandler turns around to see Monica holding a stick._

Chandler: Is that…?

Monica: Yes.

Chandler: Are you…?

Monica: I don't know. I can't tell for sure. Can you help me read it?

Chandler: Sure.

_Chandler walks over, and looks over Monica's shoulder. Chandler and Monica's eyes widen._

**(A/N Today is your last day to vote. I'm closing the poll tomorrow.)**


	24. The One Where Everything Changes

_Scene opens in Joey and Annette's apartment. Enter Joey and Annette, soaking wet._

Annette: I can't believe you! What were you thinking?

Joey: I'm sorry! But they challenged me! I couldn't say no!

Annette: They were TEN year olds! They're young enough that they don't know better!

Joey: Well, for ten year olds, they have some rather good aim.

Annette: I'm not nearly as upset about the water balloon fight you were having as I am about THIS.

_Annette holds up a bra._

Annette: Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a good bra? Why didn't you use Rachel or Monica's bras?

Joey: Not enough elasticity. Besides, that's Alex's bra. Not yours.

_A pause._

Annette: Really?

Joey: Yeah.

Annette: Lock and load, Tribbiani! Those kids are going DOWN.

_Joey and Annette exit. Theme song and title sequence plays._

**So no one told you life was gonna be this way.  
Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's DOA.  
It's like you're always stuck in second gear.  
Well, it hasn't been your day, week, month, or even your year.**

**But, I'll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour.  
I'll be there for you, like I've been there before.  
I'll be there for you, cause you're there for me too.**

_Scene opens in Central Perk. Ross, Monica, and Chandler are sitting on the couch. Rachel is sitting in the armchair. Mike is sitting in the chair at the end table, Phoebe in his lap._

Chandler: So what do you guys feel like doing tonight?

Ross: I have to setup a display at the museum for one of my classes next week. If you're bored, you can help me.

Chandler: OR, even better idea: strap myself to a chair, and listen to Janice laugh for six solid hours.

Monica: Oh honey, you won't do that.

Chandler: If it comes down to a choice between helping Ross set up dino stuff or listening to her laugh, I will.

Monica: Chandler, NOTHING is worse than Janice's laugh.

Chandler: Really? Okay. How about I set a sweaty drink on the coffee table WITHOUT a coaster, and play a track of Janice laughing? Then you tell me which is worse.

Monica: Okay, okay! So there are worse things than Janice's laugh!

Chandler: Like helping Ross with his dino crap.

_Ross rolls his eyes. Enter Joey and Annette._

Annette: For the last time, Joey, Treeger is not going to let you build a catapult on the roof just to get back at those kids!

Joey: But it's only fair! Besides, I'm wondering where they got that kind of reach with a hose at.

Annette: Probably from the fire hydrant on the corner.

Joey: How did they reach us?

Annette: You didn't see the water streaking UP?

Joey: I was too busy slingshotting water balloons at the kid who was flirting with you.

Mike: Wait, hold on. You two were flinging water balloons off the roof of the building at some kids on the street?

Joey: No, of course not!

Mike: Good.

Annette: We were flinging them ACROSS the street, until those stupid cheaters tapped a fire hydrant, and used a catapult on us. And now the genius here wants to build his own catapult on the roof.

Joey: Which Treeger will let me do! I know he will.

Ross: Joey, you DO remember the entertainment center right? Not only did you cut the door in half, it was WAY too big. And you want to build a catapult?

Joey: Well, you and Chandler can help me.

Chandler: Oh, I would, but I don't want to.

Ross: You know, Joey, if you're bored, you can help me set up my display at the museum for my class next week.

_A pause._

Joey: See ya.

_Joey, Chandler, Rachel, Mike, Annette, and Phoebe hastily exit. Scene ends and opens in Joey and Annette's apartment. Annette is standing in the living room, chewing on her thumbnail. Enter Mike._

Mike: Hey.

Annette: Mike! Oh, wow, hi! How are you, cousin? Anything you wanna talk about?

Mike: I'm…fine. Are you okay?

Annette: Peachy! Spectacular! Beautiful day! Just smell that fresh air!

_Annette opens the window, takes a deep breath, and starts coughing._

Annette: Smog.

Mike: Annette, what's going on?

Annette: Nothing! Nothing is going on. Everything is perfectly fine. Why do you ask?

Mike: You're chewing on your thumbnail, and you're unusually cheerful. Something's bothering you, so what is it?

_Annette sighs._

Annette: Okay, you remember the job offer I told you about last week?

Mike: Yeah. In fact, that's why I came by. I wanna know when you're leaving, because Phoebe wants to throw you a party.

Annette: I'm not going.

Mike: What?

Annette: I didn't take the job.

Mike: Why?

Annette: I don't wanna leave New York.

Mike: Why not?

Annette: Mike…I'm in love with someone. And I don't wanna leave him.

Mike: Well, do the others know you're not taking it?

Annette: No, I haven't talked to them yet. Please don't say anything.

Mike: I won't. But Annette, are you sure about this?

_A pause._

Annette: Yeah, I am.

_Mike smiles._

Mike: Good luck. And Heaven help that poor guy you're staying for.

_Annette giggles. Scene ends and opens in Central Perk. Ross and Monica are sitting on the couch. Ross is looking over at the counter, where Gunther is working._

Monica: Ross, I need your help.

Ross: Uh huh.

Monica: I need to tell Mom and Dad something, but I'm not sure how to break it to them.

Ross: Uh huh.

Monica: Ross, are you even listening to me?

Ross: Uh huh.

_Monica glares._

Monica: Rachel is leaving you for Mark in Paris, and she's taking Emma with her.

Ross: Uh huh.

_Monica rolls her eyes, and smacks Ross._

Ross: Ow! What was that for?

Monica: You're not even listening to me!

Ross: Sorry. I'm waiting for that line of customers to die down, so I can talk to Gunther.

Monica: About what?

Ross: Borrowing Central Perk for a while tonight.

Monica: Why?

Ross: I'm gonna do it tonight, Mon.

_Monica gasps._

Monica: Really?

Ross: Yeah. I wanna talk to Gunther about getting the coffee house tonight, but that line of customers is gonna keep him busy for hours.

Monica: No, it won't. Watch this.

_Monica stands up._

Monica: Hey, people?

_The customers turn to stare at Monica. _

Monica: He spit in my brother's coffee.

Ross: Monica!

_The customers leave. Gunther and Ross glare at Monica._

Monica: There, now he's free.

Ross: Have you lost your mind?

Monica: You said you wanted to talk to him!

Ross: Yeah, TALK to him! Not get banned from the coffee shop for life!

_Gunther walks over._

Gunther: What was that all about?

Monica: Ross wants to talk to you, and you were busy.

Ross: I said I was willing to wait for the customers to leave!

Gunther: Give me one reason why I shouldn't ban you, Monica. You cost me most of my business today.

Monica: For one thing, New Yorkers have short memories. By tomorrow, they'll all be back. And for another, I'm willing to clean this place into a spotless zone before your health inspection next week.

_Gunther looks at Monica._

Gunther: How did you know about that?

Monica: Annette.

Gunther: I really gotta stop telling her everything…

_Monica grins._

Monica: Is it a deal?

Gunther: Fine. So, what'd you wanna talk to me about, Ross?

Ross: Um…can we talk in private?

Gunther: Sure, come on back.

_Gunther and Ross walk to the back of the coffee shop. Enter Phoebe._

Phoebe: Hey, Mon. Guess what?

Monica: Sshh! Ross is talking to Gunther; I can't hear what they're saying.

Phoebe: About what?

Monica: Ross wants to use the coffee shop tonight to propose to Rachel.

_Phoebe gasps._

Phoebe: Really?

_Monica nods._

Phoebe: Oh my god, finally! My lobsters are getting married!

Monica: He's proposing, not saying "I do"!

Phoebe: But every woman he proposed to said "I do".

Monica: And divorced him. What makes you think she won't?

Phoebe: Because it's Ross and Rachel. They're lobsters.

_A pause._

Monica: You're right. So what's up?

Phoebe: Oh, I'm meeting Mike here. We have a really big announcement we wanna share with you guys.

Monica: Oh, okay.

_A pause._

Phoebe: Oh, screw it. I'm pregnant.

_Monica gasps._

Monica: Oh my god, Phoebe, are you serious?

Phoebe: Uh huh.

Monica: Oh, this is great! You can be my partner!

Phoebe: Ooh, okay! What are we stealing?

Monica: Uh, no, Pheebs. My PARTNER.

Phoebe: What…what do you mean? We're both married. I mean, not to each other, obviously.

_Monica places Phoebe's hand on her stomach._

Monica: Phoebe. My PARTNER.

Phoebe: Oh. OH! Monica, are you sure?

Monica: Yeah. I took a test last night.

Phoebe: Does Chandler know?

Monica: Yes, and now you know. Please don't say anything to anybody yet. I don't wanna ruin Ross's big night.

Phoebe: I won't say a word, I promise. Ooh, this is so great! We're gonna be partners!

_Phoebe and Monica hug. Scene shifts to Gunther and Ross, standing by the counter. Gunther and Ross are staring at Monica and Phoebe._

Gunther: What in the world got into those two?

Ross: Monica, I have no idea. As for Phoebe, well…she's Phoebe.

Gunther: Good point. So, what'd you need?

Ross: Well, I was um…I was wondering if I could borrow Central Perk tonight for a while.

Gunther: Why?

Ross: Because…I'm gonna propose to Rachel, and I wanna do it here.

Gunther: Really?

_Ross nods._

Gunther: Okay…on one condition.

Ross: What?

Gunther: You let me have the planetarium for my date tonight.

Ross: Really? Sure, no problem. Um…who's your date? I have to let security know.

Gunther: You promise this stays between us?

Ross: No further.

_Gunther leans closer._

Gunther (whispering): It's Alex.

Ross: Wait, ANNETTE'S Alex?

Gunther: Yeah. We've been dating for four weeks now. And we're both into astronomy, so I thought for our date, we could use the planetarium.

Ross: Sure, no problem. I'll call security and make sure they know you're coming in.

Gunther: Thanks.

_Gunther holds out his hand._

Gunther: Good luck, Ross.

Ross: You too.

_Gunther and Ross shake hands. Ross walks over to Monica and Phoebe._

Ross: Everything's set for tonight.

Phoebe: Yay!

Monica: Ross, I'm so happy for you!

Phoebe: You two are finally gonna get married!

Ross: We're not getting married! I'm just proposing! Besides, there's no guarantee she'll say yes.

Phoebe: Of course she's gonna say yes, Ross! She's your lobster!

Ross: Yeah, I know, but-

_Ross pauses, with a panicked look on his face._

Monica: What is it?

Ross: I can't do it. I can't go through with it.

Monica: What? Of course you can!

Ross: No, I can't!

Phoebe: Yes you can, Ross! You can do this!

Ross: I can't go through that again! I gotta-I gotta go.

Monica: Ross, wait!

_Ross exits, Monica and Phoebe following. Scene ends and opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Enter Ross, Monica, and Phoebe._

Monica: Ross, what the hell is going on?

Ross: I'm calling Mom. I'm gonna have her come get Grandma's ring.

Monica: What? No, you're not!

_Monica takes the phone from Ross._

Phoebe: Ross, talk to us! What is bothering you?

Ross: I can't do it, okay? I can't propose to Rachel!

Phoebe: What? Yes, you can!

Ross: No, I can't! I'm calling this off.

Monica: Give us one good reason why you can't! After all the setup you went through, give us one damn reason why you can't go through with it!

Ross: No!

Monica: TELL ME!

Ross: CAROL, EMILY, AND VEGAS!

_Monica's expression softens._

Phoebe: Ross…

Ross: Three marriages! Three! And divorced each time. It's like I'm cursed!

Monica: Ross, I…

Ross: And no matter how much I joke about it, divorces hurt.

_Ross starts to cry._

Ross: And I can't put Emma through that.

_Monica hugs Ross._

Monica: It's okay.

Phoebe: Ross, do you remember what I told you the night Emma was born?

Ross: That I could finally have everything I ever wanted since I was 15.

Phoebe: This is your chance. Take it!

Monica: Honey, I know you're scared. I would be too, if I had to go through three divorces, like you did. But you have to remember, Rachel gave up a chance for a really high paying job in Paris to be with you. She loves you. And you love her. It's going to be okay.

Ross: But what if it isn't? I can't handle being divorced for a fourth time. And I can't drag my baby girl through that, it's too painful.

Phoebe: Why do you think it won't work out?

Ross: Oh, I don't know, VEGAS, maybe?

Monica: Ross, you and Rachel were drunk when you two got married. And besides, that was Rachel's idea. Also, weren't you the one who said Nevada should never let people get married when they're that drunk?

Ross: Yeah…

Monica: This time, you won't be drunk or rushing into it and Rachel isn't a lesbian.

Ross: You're right.

Phoebe: So, are you gonna do it?

Ross: Yeah. Yeah, I am. Uh, Mon? Can I have my phone back?

Monica: Why?

Ross: Because I need to call the museum, and make sure security knows Gunther and Alex are gonna be there tonight.

Phoebe: Wait, ANNETTE'S Alex?

_Enter Annette in a Batgirl costume._

Annette: What about Alex?

Phoebe: -andretta. You know, the starting place for the Grail search.

Annette: Were you watching Indiana Jones again?

Phoebe: Um…maybe.

Annette: Phoebe, there's no way you'll find the Grail off that map.

Phoebe: That's not true! I can find it! I just need to go to Iskenderun.

_Annette shakes her head._

Ross: Annette, what's with the costume?

Annette: I was brooding.

Monica: Where, a cave?

Annette: No!

Ross: Good.

Annette: I was hanging from my ceiling. Until the suction cups gave way…

Monica: THAT explains the loud crash and "DAMMIT!" I heard coming up!

Annette: Hey, YOU fall off the ceiling onto a hard floor, and see what you say!

_Enter Joey, in a Batman costume._

Joey: Annette, let's go! We're gonna be late!

Annette: Okay, I'll be ready in a moment.

Ross: Uh, Joey…what's um…?

Joey: Oh, the costumes?

Monica: Yeah.

Joey: We're going to a costume party for the cast members of Days of Our Lives.

Ross: Dressed as Batman and Batgirl?

Joey: Yep.

Phoebe: Why not go as Robin?

Annette: I am NOT showing off my legs to a room full of drunken men, thank you!

Ross: And showing off your chest is better how?

_Annette looks down at her torso._

Annette: It's covered.

Monica: She's got a point.

Ross: Yeah. Anyway, what's up?

Annette: Gunther wants to know if you got the arrangements set up for him with the museum tonight.

Ross: I was about to call to do that, when you walked in looking like something that escaped from a comic book.

Annette: Shut up, I like it!

Monica: Joey, I thought you said you were gonna go as the Eleventh Doctor.

Joey: I was, but Annette won't dress up as Pond.

Annette: I am not gonna dress as a policewoman kiss-o-gram for your amusement!

Joey: It was the only costume they had!

Annette: That's why I picked the Batman outfits. Now let's go, we're gonna be late.

_Annette pushes Joey out the door. Scene ends and opens in Ross and Rachel's apartment. Ross is standing in the kitchen, reading the paper. Enter Rachel._

Rachel: Hi, honey.

Ross: Hi.

_Ross and Rachel kiss._

Ross: How was work?

Rachel: Ugh, don't even get me started. We had this lady come in today, who I SWEAR is color blind. The dress she was trying to get us to buy was so hideous, I don't think even Phoebe would wear it.

Ross: Wow, that bad?

Rachel: Yeah.

_Rachel sighs._

Rachel: Anyway, I'm just glad to be home. Is Emma in bed yet?

Ross: Actually, she's over at Monica and Chandler's. I had a surprise planned for tonight, but I didn't know work was going to be that bad for you.

Rachel: Oh honey, that's fine. I need a break from everything, anyway.

_Ross smiles, and takes her hand._

Ross: Come on.

_Rachel follows Ross out the door. Scene ends and opens in Central Perk. The lights are turned low. Lilies sit in vases on the tables. With or Without You plays on the PA system. Enter Ross and Rachel._

**(A/N Stop! (And much as I wanna say "Hammer time!" I'm gonna forgo the easy joke.) Now, I want you to go to YouTube and load U2's With or Without You for the following scene. Trust me, you're gonna wanna do it.)**

Ross: Okay, we're here. You can open your eyes.

_Rachel opens her eyes, and gasps as she sees the coffee shop._

Rachel: Ross, what's going on?

Ross: I thought we'd take a trip down Memory Lane tonight.

Rachel: Why?

Ross: You'll see. Rach, do you remember the first day you came to the city?

Rachel: Yes. I came into this coffee shop in my wedding dress, looking for Monica.

_Ross walks over to the couch._

Ross: I was standing here, Chandler was in that chair at the end table, and you came running in. What you never knew was that right before you entered, I had said I wanted to be married again.

Rachel: And then I came running in.

Ross: This led to Chandler's remark.

Rachel: I always wondered why he said he wanted a million dollars.

_Ross walks over to the other side of the couch._

Ross: And then I was standing here when you came over to greet me after all the time you and Monica spent apart. It was also the day my umbrella had that malfunction.

_Rachel laughs._

Rachel: A malfunction, huh?

_Ross blushes._

Ross: Yes, and that's the story I'm sticking with.

_Rachel smiles, and kisses Ross._

Rachel: Well, malfunction or not, I'm glad you were here.

_Ross smiles, and walks to the counter._

Ross: And then here, we had that fight because you felt like you were being clobbered, every time we tried to be together.

Rachel: Ross…please don't go down that road.

Ross: No, it's fine. This is Memory Lane, and even the bad places can be touched on tonight.

Rachel: I'm so sorry…

Ross: It's fine. It was a long time ago, we both grew up since then.

_Rachel wipes the tears from her eyes, as Ross walks to the doors._

Ross: Rachel, do you remember what happened here nine years ago?

Rachel: No.

Ross: Here, maybe this will help.

_Ross walks outside, and stands at the door staring in._

Rachel: Oh my god…how could I forget? Our first kiss…

_Ross beckons to Rachel. Rachel walks over and opens the doors._

Rachel: Did you get locked out again?

Ross: No, I just wanted us to be up here.

_Ross takes Rachel's hand, and stares into her eyes._

Ross: Rachel, I have loved you since high school, when Monica first brought you home to introduce you as her new friend. When you and her drifted apart, I married a woman I thought was as good as you, but in reality, she was a pale comparison to what was in my heart. When you re-entered our lives, all of the old feelings I had returned, stronger than ever. Because I knew it was you I wanted to be with, even when we broke up. We danced around each other for years, before we finally promised that we were done fooling around, the night you got off the plane. This spot was where we shared our first kiss. And now, I want it to be where I share another first with you.

_Ross pulls out the ring box, and sinks to one knee. Rachel gasps, and covers her mouth with her hands, as her eyes mist over with tears._

Ross: Rachel Greene…will you marry me?

_Ross opens the box, to reveal his grandmother's engagement ring. Rachel sobs as she nods her head._

Rachel: Yes! Yes I will!

_Ross stands up, and slides the ring onto Rachel's finger. Rachel hugs Ross._

Ross (whispering): I love you, Rachel.

Rachel (whispering): I love you too, Ross.

_Rachel leans back and kisses Ross passionately. Scene ends and opens in Joey and Annette's apartment. Annette is sitting in her chair, facing the door. Enter Joey._

**(A/N I want you to stop again, & this time when you go to YouTube, load up Angel of the Morning by The Pretenders. Once you have that loaded, continue reading. Bossy bastard, aren't I? XD)**

Joey: Hey.

Annette: Hey.

Joey: Guess what? I got two tickets to the Green Lantern movie! Let's go! If we hurry, we can get the good seats up top!

Annette: Joey…

Joey: I wanna get those college kids back for throwing popcorn on us at the Thor movie.

Annette: Joey, we need to…

Joey: Come on, we're gonna miss the previews!

_Joey runs toward the door._

Annette: Joey, STOP!

_Joey pauses and turns around._

Annette: We need to talk.

Joey: What's up?

_Annette stands up and begins pacing._

Annette: Do you remember the audition callback I went to last week?

Joey: The soap opera one you, Rachel, and Ross were pranking us with?

Annette: Yeah, that one.

Joey: What about it?

Annette: I got offered the role.

Joey: Hey, that's great! This could be a big boost to your career.

Annette: Well, there's a catch.

Joey: What?

Annette: It's filming in Los Angeles, not New York.

Joey: Oh. When do you have to leave?

Annette: I'm not.

Joey: What?

Annette: I turned it down. I'm not taking the role.

Joey: Are you crazy?

Annette: What?

Joey: That's a big boost to your career, and you're gonna turn it down. Have you lost your mind?

Annette: No! I just…I don't wanna leave New York.

Joey: Take it!

Annette: Huh?

Joey: Take the role! Call them back right now, and tell them you'll take it.

Annette: No!

Joey: Tell them you're my roommate, I'm sure they'll give you a second shot at accepting it. I have a lot of pull in that community.

_Joey grabs the phone and starts dialing._

Joey: Here, I'll get them for you. What was the name?

Annette: Joey, quit it!

_Annette grabs the phone._

Annette: I'm not taking it! It's done! Okay? Let it go!

Joey: No, it's not okay! Take the role, Annette!

Annette: No!

Joey: Why not?

Annette: I can't tell you.

Joey: Why?

Annette: Because I can't. I just…I can't!

Joey: Dammit, Annette! I'm getting tired of this! Just tell me why!

Annette: No!

Joey: WHY NOT?

Annette: BECAUSE I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU, OKAY?

_Joey stares at Annette with a shocked expression. Credits roll._

**CREDITS SCENE**

_Scene opens in Monica and Chandler's house. Chandler is standing by a finished TARDIS. Enter Monica._

Monica: Honey, the school called. The twins are sick, and the baby just threw up. Which one do you want?

Chandler: Neither. I'm off to explore the universe. So long, sucker!

Monica: Chandler, wait!

_Chandler enters the TARDIS. Scene shifts to Monica and Chandler's bedroom. Monica sits up, grabs her pillow, and whacks Chandler with it._

Chandler: What, what? What is it?

Monica: If you so much as even THINK of using that TARDIS to abandon me with the twins and this baby, I will shoot you!

_Monica lies back down in a huff. Chandler stares at her._

**(A/N And this season is FINISHED. To all my readers, I have to say: it's been one hell of a ride. Since I was threatened with bodily harm if I don't do a Season 12, I'll start it when I return from Dragon*Con in September. **

**Many of you may be wondering why I chose to have Ross propose in Central Perk, instead of the planetarium, like he described in TOI ****Massapequa****. In all honesty, that planetarium proposal thing has been done to death in other fanfics. Now, I'm not knocking those authors their choices to have it done there, by any means. But I felt that not only was Central Perk important to the gang as a whole, it was also a change of pace from the same thing seen over & over in other fics.)**


End file.
